Yahoo to cut 10% of internet from it’s search results


In response to the devastating news that Yahoo! plans to reduce it’s workforce by 10%, CEO and co-founder Jerry Yang indicated a way to continue to deliver its core services without impact to overall workflow.

Jerry 'I make a trillion dollars and I can't get a good haircut' Yang

“It’s simple, we’ll continue to provide the second-best search engine services, but reduce the amount of webpages we index by 10%. Problem solved!” he stated in an impromptu press conference today. After a moment, he added, “Besides 50% of the webpages out there are crap – who will notice?”

Yang then outlined the specific approach to determining which pages will actually show up in Yahoo’s SERPs after the restructure:

  • 100% of all “adult” websites (as they are the most frequented and generate the most ad dollars for the company
  • 50% of all sites with extensions .us, .tv, .cc and .gov (“Who really uses those sites, anyway” he commented)
  • No MySpace sites at all (“That’s a dying social network anyway – those people really need to move to FaceBook”)

Yahoo: Porn gateway

The restructure will be effective in 2009, when the company will change it’s name to “Yahoo 2.0! Your new Pron gateway!”

Joe Plumber was asked his opinion, since as a plumber making $250,000 he represents the common man’s opinion, “What? Another porn directory? There’s already a ton of them, and they ALL do a better job than Yahoo! I mean I just got off on…err, please strike that. Sir, can you strike that?”

When reached for comment, Google CEO Eric Schmidt said, “Yahoo? They’re still around? Imagine that…Go Obama!”