Yahoo! changing it’s name to Hasta la Vista, Baby!

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In alignment with the film Terminator, whose story of man’s battle with machines mirrors Yahoo!’s own, Yahoo! is planning to change their name to “Hasta la Vista, baby!”

“We had so many executives leave the company in the past few months that instead of ignoring the problem we decided to meet it head on in the most public way possible: a company name change,” says Yahoo! CEO Jerry Yang. The new NASDAQ symbol will be GBYE.

 

Carl Icahn is reportedly pissed, as he was betting on the bankability of the Yahoo! name (before rendering the search engine directory company into tiny bits before feeding it to the Microsoft machinery). Jerry Yang reportedly was heard screaming at Carl “The Buzzsaw” Icahn, “Get your damn dirty paws off me you filthy ape!” (Other reports were that his statement was directed to Steve “The Mangler” Ballmer.)

This is a sad ending to what was once one of the rising stars of the internet.  The dominant search engine, Google, built it’s search algorithm on the burial mound of Yahoo, casting away the human element of a person selected search directory to one that is mechanical, algorithm driven:

The future has not been written. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. I wish I could believe that. My name is Jerry Yang, they tried to murder me before I was born, when I was 13 they tried again. Machines from the future. Algorithm driven search engines. All my life my mother told me the storm was coming, Judgment Day, the beginning of the war between man and machines. Three billion lives would vanish in an instant, and I would lead what was left of Yahoo to ultimate victory. It hasn’t happened, no bombs fell, computers didn’t take control, we stopped Judgment Day. I should feel safe, but I don’t, so I live off the grid – no phone, no address, no one and nothing can find me. I’ve erased all connections to the past, but as hard as I try I can’t erase my dreams, my nightmares.

– Jerry Yang,  CEO,  Hasta la Vista, Baby! 

And now Yahoo!, that human driven search directory, is being persuaded to join the creators of the “brains” behind the personal computers of the world: Microsoft. I ask you: can Judgement Day be far behind?

By the time Microsoft became self-aware it had spread into millions of computer servers across the planet. Ordinary computers in office buildings, dorm rooms; everywhere. It was software; in cyberspace. There was no system core; it could not be shutdown. The attack began at 6:18 PM, just as he said it would. Judgment Day, the day the human driven directory was almost destroyed by the weapons they’d built to protect themselves. I should have realized it was never our destiny to stop Judgment Day, it was merely to survive it, together. Steve Jobs knew; he tried to tell us, but I didn’t want to hear it. Maybe the future has been written. I don’t know; all I know is what the Steve Jobs taught me; never stop fighting. And I never will. The battle has just begun.

– Jerry Yang,  CEO, Hasta la Vista, Baby!

 Will Yahoo! (er, I mean Hasta la Vista, Baby!) survive the takeover attempt by Carl Icahn and Microsoft? Can Jerry Yang forestall Judgement Day?

Oh my God. I’m back. I’m home. All the time, it was… We finally really did it.
[screaming]
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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