yooRyoo exclusive report: The Phoenix Project.
On the heels of the much-ballyhooed Palin-drone robotic expose, yooRyoo’s investigative reporters have uncovered another secret government machinated program – special code-name: The Phoenix Project. And much like Project Blue-Book, this tale is filled with decoys and red herrings designed to confuse the average citizen.
“The government is resurrecting extinct animals, first through robot lookalikes they license to private companies, and then eventually through indistinguishable DNA lookalikes,” says an unnamed government agent who was not authorized to reveal his military ranking. After revealing top secret photographs of laboratories filled with unspeakable, Frankensteinien images, our investigators pressured him to reveal more.
“The most recent example is the once thought to be extinct pygmy tarsier,” the unnamed source went on, “This extinct animal was first brought back to life by the government in 1965 – even before the tarsier was declared extinct. Then, later it was ‘brought to life’ again, via the popular Hasbro electronic Furby robotic toy.”
We learned the conspiracy ran so deep that even the toy manufacturer did not know the true origins of the device, the result of a top secret biological-pharmaceutical-robotic-creating government agency working on The Phoenix Project.
And much like a real “Jurassic Park” The Phoenix Program was originally designed to bring back extinct animals by splicing their DNA with hydraulic hinges. These first forays looked less like robotic animals, and more like a Roomba.
Efforts to make these initial creatures as realistic and lifelike as the real pygmy tarsier failed, so they hired a patsy “inventor” to take the concept to Hasbro, and allowed the toy company the ability to make millions of dollars on those annoying toys called Furbys. And then the government set out to try to really resurrect the pygmy tarsier.
Through inserting the DNA harvested from the carcass of a real pygmy tarsier into the ovum of a chimpanzee, scientists have created what is essentially a lookalike for the extinct pygmy tarsier.
“This is not an imitation of the once extinct pygmy tarsier; it is the pygmy tarsier,” added the government agent. “And yes, it does taste like chicken.”
Our source revealed that while the government was focused on creating tasty tarsiers, the Phoenix Project has also been dabbling in other robotic efforts, including the robotic Dolphin
– which is a replicant of the once thought to be extinct Chinese River Dolphin:
While these results are freakish and unthinkable, our investigators are left with one overarching question: “can the real Jurassic Park be far behind?”