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In honor of the holiday gift-buying season, yooRyoo presents our version of the 12 Days of Christmas - featuring our most popular products and stories of 2008.

If you want to buy any of the below special offers, please email your credit card information to an undisclosed Nigerian bank where we hold our accounts.

Happy Holidays!

On the 12th day of Christmas, yooRyoo gave to me….

Twelve free lives in the popular First-Person Shooter game Miracle at St. Obama

Eleven dollars off your first purchase at Sarah Palin’s discount online clothing store, YouBetcha.com

Ten lines of original source code for Microsoft’s “Chrome browser” competitor - Rust

Nine free profile listings (with endorsement by Chuck Norris) on the social network - MyFistYourFacebook.com

Eight free in-game advertising placements left over from the failed McCain In-Game Ad Campaign

Seven month free subscription to inter-office dating platform - Snatch!

Six free “wife” avatars in the virtual online game “Second Wife”

Fffffiiivvvvve OnStarbucks

Four pictures from LOLroadkill

Three Tap-o-wiki’s

Two free shots of Google Juice

and a Toot in a disabled Palin-drone robot!

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• Anticipated social media conference ends early due to no cell, wireless or power access (0)

San Francisco - One of the most highly anticipated social media/web 2.0 conferences of the year ended much earlier than expected today due to poor planning on the organizers. What was hailed as the “must attend event of the year,” the Social Web Extravaganza Business Expo (SWEBE) was forced to shut down three days early due to lack of access to a cell phone or wireless signal, and no usable power outlets.

“Look, we warned attendees well in advance,” said event organizer F.T. Bailey, “it’s even part of the byline of the event - ‘Prepared to be charged and connected’…look at the sign!” Mr. Bailey added, pointing to a banner in an empty auditorium.

Almost immediately, problems began to surface when excited seminar attendees were routed to the concrete basement of the hotel. Cell phone signals were immediately lost, causing audible groans to rise from the auditorium.

Then, things took a turn for the worst when it was discovered that absolutely no wireless signal was available throughout the entire building: “Our apologies,” stated a recorded message that repeated over the loudspeakers, “in an effort to curtail costs, internet connectivity is currently not available. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

To add insult to injury, it was soon discovered that only one power outlet was available throughout the entire conference area, and it wasn’t compatible with any known electronic plug. One attendee took this picture on his iPhone, just before the device lost battery power:

When reached for comments, agitated attendees were quick to weigh in on their concerns:

“No wifi, no cell phone coverage, no power…c’mon, it only took two hours before my Android phone shut off - this is unacceptable, and not worth the $250 price admission!”

“I couldn’t get on Twitter for more than 45 minutes…how are my peeps going to know how horrible the event was? I need to find an outlet quick, so I could Tweet this travesty!”

Event organizers, after making a variety of excuses, quickly ducked out a side-door, presumably to recharge, reconnect, and write “plausible deniability” posts on their blogs.

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• The rumors were true: The Google gPhone revealed! (4)

Had a late night argument with your lady friend? Girlfriend driving you nuts with her jealousy and angry texts? Is she ready to “commit” while you are planning your exit strategy? Or just can’t find your “perfect mate” on eHarmony or Match.com? No problem…

Introducing “iGrrlfrend” - a virtual girlfriend simulator that does exactly what you want, when you want it, at an affordable monthly subscription rate.

After subscribing to iGrrlfrend, users are directed to a dashboard, where they can begin crafting their own unique virtual girlfriend. Using the patented Dungeons & Dragons rating model, the iGrrlfrend Setup Wizard launches, allowing you to craft the “perfect” features (n a scale of 1 to 18) for your virtual girlfriend, including:

• Hair color
• Intelligence
• Humor
• Mood Swings
• Measurements
• Dexterity (if you know what I mean)
• Rhythm (if you know what I mean)
• Sex Appeal (if you know…er, never mind)

For those users that would rather bypass the Setup Wizard, they could select from the following templates:

• Angelina Jolie
• Marisa Miller
• Scarlett Johansen
• Jessica Alba
• Roseanne Barr

Then, using the OpenID engine, iGrrlfrend scrolls and scrapes through your existing social networks and online identies, and pulls in relevant information about you - your hobbies, pictures of you and your friends, musical tastes, etc.

Within five business days, your iGrrlfrend’s identity is created, and she will automatically “friend” you on Facebook, change your relationship status, and upload PhotoShopped pictures of you and her together - at bars and on “romantic getaways” to exotic locales like Milpitas, CA.

If opting in to the “Platinum” level, online avatars will also be created, “marrying” you on SecondLife and fighting beside you as a Mage Level 45 on World of Warcraft.

Other advanced features of iGrrlfrend will allow you to receive text messages, stating “Where the hell R U at - come home now!” or Twitter messages stating: “My friends saw you talking with that girl - who is she? Call me now!”

Plans are in the works to create an alternate iBoifrend - where female users can select from a bevvy of nerdy, overweight men that are actually real and desperate to make human contact in any form. The cost to enroll in iBoifrend are - obviously - much cheaper.

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• It’s time to Toot! (5)
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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

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Once again, we here at yooRyoo - who typically enjoy making fun of web 2.0 technologies - have stumbled across a news report that just begs believability:

The US Army Intelligence report has decidedly put Twitter on terror-alert, indicating that terrorist networks could be using this tool for malicious purposes!!! A quote from the report states:

Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups, communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political enthusiasts, hacktivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages to broader audiences.

Socialists, vegetarians and atheists - oh my! Remembering the 140 character limitation of Twitter posts, these horrible agencies would be forced to not only be succinct, but imagine having to manage all of the “follows” and “removes”…it boggles the imagination. I wonder if Jihadists get annoyed by that horrible “fail whale” image (follow the fail whale at: http://twitter.com/failwhale)…

Again, we can’t make this one up - it’s actually true!

Google new feed on “Twitter for Terrorists”

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Welcome to this Sunday’s Is It Real?, where we feature some web 2.0 technology/service/program that begs believability, and asks us to question if it is real. We give you just enough information about the company, so that you could understand the concept…then we ask you to vote if it’s real - without the help of the web in anyway to verify your answer.

We leave the voting polls open all week, and then reveal the answer the following Friday. Capiche? Good…let’s introduce this week’s company - Stache Passions!

A 100% free social networking & online dating site specifically for singles with a passion for the moustache, Stache Passions is a social network built around members that feel there is nothing finer than a good stache. Stache Passions provides an open environment where mustache wearers can revel in the sitewide love bestowed upon them by a community of stache afficianados.

Both men and women are invited to be free members of the site - presumably the women are there to meet men with moustaches. Some of most popular profile pictures are below:

So, dear yooRyoo readers, we ask you - is “Stache Passions” a real social networking site? Of is this something that we made up? Vote below…and tune back in on Friday to find the real answer.

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yooRyoo fans: we apologize for our unexpected haitus since last week. Because we were unable to provide you with an update last Friday, we bring to you today our ever-popular “Friday Fishwrap” feature…but on a Monday! “Friday Fishwrap” is where we reveal to you the results of our “Is It Real?” feature from the previous Sunday, and then share a fun video from the World Wide Web for you to enjoy!

Our last “Is It Real?” posting featured a new iPhone application created a 3D, holographic animation on the iPhone that moved when you moved the phone. It was aptly named “iHologram” and was available through the iTunes app store. It’s hard to describe in words, but it really is cool to see it in action - watch the video in our last post, to get a sense of what it is!

We then asked you to vote on the authenticity of the application. Here are the poll results:

• 50% of you thought that while it looked cool, it wasn’t real
• 40% of you thought it was real, and want to download it to your iPhones
• 10% of you were undecided

The actual truth: while it is a great concept, the iHologram is not yet real! To quote a story from Gizmodo about the iHologram:

The amazingly convincing 3D anamorphosis app iHologram turns out to be just a technology demonstrator rendering rather than a real app. Its developer, David O’Reilly, apparently wasn’t trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes with the cool clip of the strolling cat, but just demonstrate how the 3D effect could be made to work. He’s up for collaboration “with a developer or studio who wants to make it happen,” for real, though.

I can’t wait to get it when it is real! So, for now we are just with a cool video to demonstrate the concept.

Speaking of cool videos: today, in a crazy celebration to Web 2.0, we proudly present an over five minute video called: “5000 Web Apps in 333 Seconds”…check to see if you can find your favorite in this crazy kaliedoscope of all things good about the web!

Rest assured, yooRyoo is back on track and tune in tomorrow for a very new satirical Web 2.0 posting. Until then, have a great Monday everyone!

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Happy Sunday - the weekend is almost over. But before you head back to work, make sure to vote on today’s Is It Real? contender.

For those of you new to Is It Real?, it’s a simple concept: we provide a company name and description, and your job - if you choose to accept it - is to vote on if you think it is a real company or not. We tally your votes all week long, and reveal the real answer on Friday.

One caveat - you cannot use the internet in anyway to help guess your answer. Ready? Then let’s get started:

Today’s company is called MyGlu - a web 2.0 open-source API that allows users to begin threading together information from a variety of social network sites, and presents it in a single dashboard-like interface. Taken from the website directly, here is a brief description of their services:

No two social networks are alike. Taking this into account, MyGlu is designed to aggregate key information from all these sites, and give users an easy-interface to share and update data.

With already existing APIs for MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Friend-Feed and Spokeo (to name a few), MyGlu is a much-needed application is the clouded web 2.0 space.

So friends, we must ask - Is MyGlu Real?

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A new study by George Picken & Calvin McCracken released today entitled “Attempting to measure ROI on Web 2.0 Companies - Why Sisyphus Had it Easier” revealed an alarming statistic: 67% of all Web 2.0 statistics are made up on the fly, based on only anecdotal evidence.

George Picken reciting statistics that he just made up

“It’s really amazing” stated Picken, “Not only are the statistics completely unreal, nearly 95% of the time these false statistics are made by people with a peripheral knowledge of  Web 2.0!”

“What’s more surprising are the demographics,” added McCracken, “80% of these false statistics are made up by men aged 25-40. The second largest group are transgendered people aged 90+ at an incredible 17.3%...or so I’ve heard.”

Calvin McCracken, known recluse
and his wife, posturing

Based on a rough survey they did at various local coffee shops around town, Picken & McCracken’s study went on to reveal more surprising data:

• 53% of Web 2.0 companies are created with no plan to make money, and from that group only 24% of them actually survive the first year
• 12% of Web 2.0 services are geared to Mac users exclusively, which matches the commonly believed 8% market penetration of Macs within the home computer user segment
• The three fastest growing Web 2.0 services are:

microblogging (at 33% over the previous year),

social network applications (with a steady average 15% growth rate for the past 6 years)

mashups (with a sharp spike of 42.2%, this year over previous)

Picken & McCracken’s study is expected to cause ripples into the blogosphere (83.4% of all news is transmitted throughout the web through blogs, the study has found).

“Now that it’s published online, it’s gotta be true,” said Picken.

“Yeah, once it’s on the internet it’s part of the collective reality,” added McCracken, “It happens 93.47% of the time.”

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In a second surprise announcement today, the McCain campaign released plans for a new micro-blogging service company led by the new presumptive Vice-Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Mrs. Palin described the software as follows: “This is a Web-services-ready multi-device hybridized dating web-app that leverages the basic human need to connect.”

When asked for clarification from the press, she stated, “As I said, this software-as-a-service is a social-networking-aware multi-device hybridized photo web-app that leverages the potential for exponential growth.”

The McCain campaign attempted to explain: “It’s a filtered revolutionary Web 2.0 photo infrastructure that leverages the third screen. Where else can you find a Web 2.0 p2p long invite-only beta calendaring framework that leverages ubiquitous broadband?”

Confused reporters than turned to McCain for a deeper clarification. “I still don’t use a computer,” he replied, “but I do know that her software is an incentivized p2p social-networking-aware IM Firefox extension that leverages the destabilization of the music industry.”

Then in complete non-sequitors, simple sound-bytes rang out from Fox News:

• “Sarah Palin created the very first multi-device web-services-ready open source voice infrastructure that leverages the long tail”
• “This inexperienced female governer from Alaska is delivering to the American population the only social-networking-aware long invite-only beta revolutionary email cellphone app that leverages network effects.”
• “Tagging-enabled hybridized Web 2.0 search Firefox extension that leverages existing metadata helps to create Sarah Palin’s inventive remixable filtered disruptive calendaring desktop app that leverages the third screen.”

When asked for a response, Obama’s campaign simply stated: “So what - we created the very first web-services-ready Ruby on Rails multi-device social network framework that leverages the long tail…something no one else can lay claim to.”

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