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In honor of the holiday gift-buying season, yooRyoo presents our version of the 12 Days of Christmas - featuring our most popular products and stories of 2008.

If you want to buy any of the below special offers, please email your credit card information to an undisclosed Nigerian bank where we hold our accounts.

Happy Holidays!

On the 12th day of Christmas, yooRyoo gave to me….

Twelve free lives in the popular First-Person Shooter game Miracle at St. Obama

Eleven dollars off your first purchase at Sarah Palin’s discount online clothing store, YouBetcha.com

Ten lines of original source code for Microsoft’s “Chrome browser” competitor - Rust

Nine free profile listings (with endorsement by Chuck Norris) on the social network - MyFistYourFacebook.com

Eight free in-game advertising placements left over from the failed McCain In-Game Ad Campaign

Seven month free subscription to inter-office dating platform - Snatch!

Six free “wife” avatars in the virtual online game “Second Wife”

Fffffiiivvvvve OnStarbucks

Four pictures from LOLroadkill

Three Tap-o-wiki’s

Two free shots of Google Juice

and a Toot in a disabled Palin-drone robot!

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San Francisco - One of the most highly anticipated social media/web 2.0 conferences of the year ended much earlier than expected today due to poor planning on the organizers. What was hailed as the “must attend event of the year,” the Social Web Extravaganza Business Expo (SWEBE) was forced to shut down three days early due to lack of access to a cell phone or wireless signal, and no usable power outlets.

“Look, we warned attendees well in advance,” said event organizer F.T. Bailey, “it’s even part of the byline of the event - ‘Prepared to be charged and connected’…look at the sign!” Mr. Bailey added, pointing to a banner in an empty auditorium.

Almost immediately, problems began to surface when excited seminar attendees were routed to the concrete basement of the hotel. Cell phone signals were immediately lost, causing audible groans to rise from the auditorium.

Then, things took a turn for the worst when it was discovered that absolutely no wireless signal was available throughout the entire building: “Our apologies,” stated a recorded message that repeated over the loudspeakers, “in an effort to curtail costs, internet connectivity is currently not available. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

To add insult to injury, it was soon discovered that only one power outlet was available throughout the entire conference area, and it wasn’t compatible with any known electronic plug. One attendee took this picture on his iPhone, just before the device lost battery power:

When reached for comments, agitated attendees were quick to weigh in on their concerns:

“No wifi, no cell phone coverage, no power…c’mon, it only took two hours before my Android phone shut off - this is unacceptable, and not worth the $250 price admission!”

“I couldn’t get on Twitter for more than 45 minutes…how are my peeps going to know how horrible the event was? I need to find an outlet quick, so I could Tweet this travesty!”

Event organizers, after making a variety of excuses, quickly ducked out a side-door, presumably to recharge, reconnect, and write “plausible deniability” posts on their blogs.

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Welcome to this Sunday’s edition of “Is It Real?” where we present to you a Web 2.0 company/product/service, and ask you to guess - without the use of the internet at all - whether it’s real or not. We collect votes all week, and then the following Friday, we reveal the real answer. Ready to get started?

Today we feature an ever-popular niche that’s making its way to the internet - social networking for your pet. You may have heard of Dogster.com, or even Catster.com - social networking platforms where dog or cat owners can create online profiles for their lovable, furry friends.

Now we bring you Hamsterer - a social networking community for small, furry, rodents. No, this isn’t some horrible Richard Gere joke site - this site is legit, and gives Hamster owners a platform to write, blog and even Tweet about little “ChesterBee” or “Mr. SnuggleMuffin.” This social networking platform for Hamster lovers has proved to be a genuine international success!

So, dear yooRyoo readers, the task is upon you - without searching the web in any way - make a decision: is Hamsterer a real online community for Hamster owners, or are we making it up? Vote below and tune back in on Friday for the results:

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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

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Once again, we here at yooRyoo - who typically enjoy making fun of web 2.0 technologies - have stumbled across a news report that just begs believability:

The US Army Intelligence report has decidedly put Twitter on terror-alert, indicating that terrorist networks could be using this tool for malicious purposes!!! A quote from the report states:

Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups, communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political enthusiasts, hacktivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages to broader audiences.

Socialists, vegetarians and atheists - oh my! Remembering the 140 character limitation of Twitter posts, these horrible agencies would be forced to not only be succinct, but imagine having to manage all of the “follows” and “removes”…it boggles the imagination. I wonder if Jihadists get annoyed by that horrible “fail whale” image (follow the fail whale at: http://twitter.com/failwhale)…

Again, we can’t make this one up - it’s actually true!

Google new feed on “Twitter for Terrorists”

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Note to yooRyoo readers, the following item is entirely true…sometimes we can’t make these things up:

A Google engineer released a new extension to Gmail that is designed to prevent “drunk emailing.” Entitled “Mail Goggles,” the engineer posted the following description on his blog:

Sometimes I send messages I shouldn’t send. Like the time I told that girl I had a crush on her over text message. Or the time I sent that late night email to my ex-girlfriend that we should get back together. Gmail can’t always prevent you from sending messages you might later regret, but today we’re launching a new Labs feature I wrote called Mail Goggles which may help.

When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you’re really sure you want to send that late night Friday email. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you’re in the right state of mind?

If you add Mail Goggles to your existing Gmail account, it will automatically turn on late on Friday and Saturday nights. Everytime you try to send an email, it will ask you a series of math questions to prove your sobriety. Here is a screenshot of some of those questions:

Again, we have to stress that although it sounds like one of our fake postings, this is entirely real.

Here is a screenshot of the settings panel:

Still don’t believe us? Feel free to download and install this at the Offical Gmail Blog.
 

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It is time for this week’s “Is It Real?” feature - where we scour the internet to find a web 2.0 company that defies the imagination and challenges the credulity of the “new media.”

Here’s how it works - every week we present an online company, and give a brief description of the services it provides. We give you just enough information to understand the concept and then we challenge you to vote on if the company is real, or not. Trick is: you cannot surf the web to find the answer!

Think you’re up to the challenge? Well, then let’s proceed with this week’s entry:

McDnld’s: a social network based on your fast food experience. Yes, McDonald’s - home of the Golden Arches - are launching into the web 2.0 fray with their very own social networking site. Called “McDnlds,” this platform is designed for kids and adults alike to share in their eating experience.

Children are presented with Flash-animated Ronald McDonald’s and Grimaces, guiding them through fun online-games and challenges. Reward points are earned that eventually can be redeemed for a small-size fries at their local McDonalds.

Adults, on the other hand, are presented with a cool, MySpace-like interface, allowing them to upload pictures of themselves (presumably while eating Big Macs or drinking Shamrock Shakes), list their favorite music, make friends, and even are given a forum to “blog” about their McDonald’s experience. It is rumored that the best blog posting will enter them into a chance to be a star of an upcoming McDonald’s commercial.

With this upcoming launch, other fast-food companies are planning to launch their own online-communities, including: MyWendy’s, BurgerKingBook, and KFCspace.

So, dear readers, without using the web in anyway, vote below on whether you think McDnld’s is actually real. We’ll reveal the true answer - and the results of our poll - on Friday (in our “Friday Fishwrap” post). Until then, happy voting!

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Microsoft, in another desperate bid to become a “me-to” player in a technology space where they own 90% of the market, released today their response to the ever-popular Google Chrome browser: Rust. Leaving off where Netscape and Mosaic left off years ago, Microsoft’s Rust browser promises to bring a “nostalgic feel” back to surfing the web - back to the days of dial-up and Usenet groups.

“We’re excited,” says Steve Balmer, “web users are longing for the days when websites would take minutes - even hours to load. And there’s nothing more sublime than 76dpi graphics….aah, so serene.”

Google’s Rust browser strips out all those annoying Flash applications, cascading style sheets and anything Ajax-y, and delivers the web in all it’s simple glory. Forget ASP, JSP, or .NET - Rust delivers HTML simply and quickly.

“We’re excited,” says Balmer, “By delivering the ‘new web’ in such an old-school way, we’re removing all risks of viruses, malware and adware. This is what’s called in the tech-space, the old ‘bait and switch’.”

In a second surprise move, Microsoft announced that both Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates will return to their marketing campaign, to promote the Rust browser. This, after the much disputed firing of Seinfeld and Gates from their previous campaign.

Jerry Seinfeld, when cornered by rabid reporters, commented: “I was using Netscape when surfing the web on my Macintosh, back when I was starring on TV - this will be easy for me to promote.”

Bill Gates, when demo’ing the new Rust browser, remarked - “Wait a sec - didn’t we trounce these guys when we launched IE2 back in 1999? What gives?”

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yooRyoo fans: we apologize for our unexpected haitus since last week. Because we were unable to provide you with an update last Friday, we bring to you today our ever-popular “Friday Fishwrap” feature…but on a Monday! “Friday Fishwrap” is where we reveal to you the results of our “Is It Real?” feature from the previous Sunday, and then share a fun video from the World Wide Web for you to enjoy!

Our last “Is It Real?” posting featured a new iPhone application created a 3D, holographic animation on the iPhone that moved when you moved the phone. It was aptly named “iHologram” and was available through the iTunes app store. It’s hard to describe in words, but it really is cool to see it in action - watch the video in our last post, to get a sense of what it is!

We then asked you to vote on the authenticity of the application. Here are the poll results:

• 50% of you thought that while it looked cool, it wasn’t real
• 40% of you thought it was real, and want to download it to your iPhones
• 10% of you were undecided

The actual truth: while it is a great concept, the iHologram is not yet real! To quote a story from Gizmodo about the iHologram:

The amazingly convincing 3D anamorphosis app iHologram turns out to be just a technology demonstrator rendering rather than a real app. Its developer, David O’Reilly, apparently wasn’t trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes with the cool clip of the strolling cat, but just demonstrate how the 3D effect could be made to work. He’s up for collaboration “with a developer or studio who wants to make it happen,” for real, though.

I can’t wait to get it when it is real! So, for now we are just with a cool video to demonstrate the concept.

Speaking of cool videos: today, in a crazy celebration to Web 2.0, we proudly present an over five minute video called: “5000 Web Apps in 333 Seconds”…check to see if you can find your favorite in this crazy kaliedoscope of all things good about the web!

Rest assured, yooRyoo is back on track and tune in tomorrow for a very new satirical Web 2.0 posting. Until then, have a great Monday everyone!

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Let’s face it - death is inevitable. According to the latest study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, 99.97% of all people will experience death in some form or another. And with morbidity as such a chronic condition facing most people, online web 2.0 denizens have left behind messy trails of online postings, Twitter updates and photos.

Traditionally, these “expired” posts would remain online, stagnant and unchanging, until some tenacious reporter would highlight them in the press (usually in a morbid or tragic way), or some webmaster would delete the account for inactivity. Until now - introducing Sickr, and automated service that archives online personas after real-life people pass to the other side.

“It’s amazing how seamless this is,” describes the founder Kirk D’Bucket, “once a person in RL dies, it initiates an automated process which rolls through most major government agencies - the Motor Vehicle Department, Social Security Administration and the IRS. Sickr taps into that process feed, and  aggregates this notification out to all major social networks - FriendFeed, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google FriendConnect, Twitter, etc.” 

These online records are then passed, through OpenID, open-source platforms, to a designated “final resting place” on Sickr. All status are changed automatically to “expired” or “cease to exist” and little black x’s are Photoshopped over the individual’s eyes.

In a surprising mash-up, online “makeup artist” MyFacelift has been contracted to give these cold, lifeless online profiles one last makeover.

“Sickr is great,” commented Charleze Beezle, a 26 year old member of MySpace, “I kept IM’ing my ex and he never responded. I was beginning to think that he wasn’t interested in me anymore…and then I received a notification from Sickr, that indicated he died more than two weeks ago. Needless to say, I was relieved…I was beginning to think that it was me!”

While transferring “dead” online accounts to Sickr is provided free of charge, they have already introduced a premium service in an effort to monetize their business model.

“For people experiencing a fatal disease or simply for family members of elderly online denezins, they can sponsor a “Final Resting Place” on Sickr,” explains Kirk D’Bucket, “the final destinations would be ad-free locations, with customized wallpapers, streaming music and videos. We even provide customized URL’s for that special touch!”

There are currently three levels of premium service:

1. Bronze-level (aka “I Told Your I Was Sickr“)
2. Silver-level (aka “I Was Sickr Than You“)
3. Gold-level (aka “I Was Sickr and Now I Am Kickr“)

Celebrities have already jumped on the Sickr band-wagon, including Sarah Palin reserving the Gold-level location for an unnamed online celebrity. Her spokesperson stated, “We can’t tell you who it’s for - but let’s just say this guy has a lot of Facebook activity…even though he can’t use a computer!”

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