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Just in time for Thanksgiving, we received this Palin-drone update:

Federal prosecutors, after learning about the Palin-drone conspiracy (as reported here first on yooryoo), have quietly been deployed, “terminating” the pesky robotic drones before they could cause further havoc on American politics. The tenacious Mainstreet Media has picked up on this story, albeit falsely, reporting that the Republican party is “reforming” itself (rather than eliminating the top drones from their leading ranks).

A new viral video sweeping the internet shows photographic evidence that one outlier in the Palin-drone community (namely, its namesake) has not been exterminated, but rather reprogrammed, and is now insensitive to death of any kind.

In 1942, Isaac Asimov defined the three commutable laws of robots:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Obviously, these rules do not apply to turkeys (and Palin-drones). Chechit: at 1:19, the reporter talks about “state programs being on the chopping block” as the guy in the background places the turkey’s head into the chopper. In fact throughout the video, you can see Sarah Palin’s obvious disregard for the carnage played out behind her…

This Thansgiving season, be mindful of the Palin-drones in your neighborhoods. And have a safe holiday!

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In a surprising career turn, Sarah Palin - in the midst of her hectic talk-show circuit - announced this week that she will be launching her very own online shopping and auction site. Tentatively entitled YouBetcha.com, the site will feature name-brand clothing and other items at discount pricing, available for direct sale or for auction, “eBay-style”.

Clothing from Nieman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and even Walmart will be offered at 50%, 60%, even 70% off list pricing. In addition, a number of “slightly used snow machines” and a variety of 2008 political merchandise will be immediately posted to the site at cut rates.

Further negotiations are underway to acquire a number of household items - at bargain-basement prices. When reached for comment, Sen. Ted Stevens indicated he had no knowledge of such transactions. “Take me to court if you want to prove anything,” he added, eluding further questions.

Expected to cause quite a stir with online shoppers in the holiday season, Palin will formally launch the site during her appearance on The View this week, along with a strong Search Engine Marketing push later this month.

“A lot of people have been telling me that I have strong competition from Amazon,” Palin stated, “But I know that’s gotcha-marketing…the Amazon’s in the country of Africa, which is far from the Alaskan Tundra where I’m at…I can’t even see it from here!”

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Senator Ted Stevens is the latest fallout from the discovery of Palin-drones in our nation’s government. Last week, Sen. Stevens - from Alaska - was convicted on corruption charges stemming from over $250,000 in home renovations (along with a massage chair, dog…).

Yet, begging incredulity, at this writing, Sen. Stevens might be possibly re-elected in Alaska, making him the only sitting Senator to be a convicted felon. How could that be? The answer is simple -  Senator Ted Stevens is (yes, you guessed it!) a Palin-Drone (remember Palin-drones?)!!!

That’s where Emmit comes in…Emmit is a Blade Runner (made famous by the movie of the same name). His old job was to retire Replicants; now he retires Palin-Drones. Having been appointed a US District Court Judge, Emmit was assigned to the Senator’s case:

Bryant: I need ya, Ems. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Emmit: [narrating] They don’t advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer. Now, I’m just a judge taking down “Palin-drones”…

Emmit could stand the reversals on political viewpoints, even reversals in voting, but what he couldn’t stand by to watch was a rogue Palin-Drone, seemingly in it just for the graft: Senator Ted Stevens. What follows is testimony from last week’s closing deliberations in the Sen. Stevens trial:

U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: [Emmet explains to Ted why he can't extend his Senate term] The facts of life… to make an alteration in the specifics of an organic legal system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it’s been established.
Ted Stevens:Why not?
U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: Because by the second day of deliberation, any Palin-Drones that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship sinks.
Ted Stevens:What about EMS recombination?
Emmit: We’ve already tried it - abuse of power, voter tampering, looking the other way while an American city drowns as an alkalating agent and potent mutagen; it created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before it even left the table.
Stevens: Then a repressor protein; that would block the operating Palin-Drones.
Emmit: Wouldn’t obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries with it a mutation, and you’ve got a virus again… but this, all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Stevens: But not to last.
Emmit: The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Ted. Look at you, you’re a US Senator; you’re quite a prize.
Stevens: I’ve done… questionable things.
Emmit: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.
Stevens: Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn’t put you in heaven for.

As of this writing, Senator Ted Stevens has still eluded being “retired” by Emmit - or as Emmit put it “He went rogue on us…just like that hot chick that ran for VP - and I don’t mean Darryl Hannah.” The Palin-drone Stevens remains on the loose, dangerous, and defiant.

When attempted to reach for comment, Sarah Palin was busy on the phone: presumably talking to the heads of foreign countries… (Audio here)

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In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques - opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization - and even Fox News - has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

• 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
• Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
• 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
• States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
• While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

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Happy Friday! In today’s Friday Fishwrap we’ll share with you the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” vote, and since voting is on everyone’s mind, our viral video this week is of GW Bush endorsing the McCain/Palin ticket.

First up, last Sunday we presented a social networking application designed to help lawyers network with one another, share tactics over virtual “water coolers” and generally interact with one another. With close to 150,000 lawyers, LegalForce promises to be the hottest social networking app for legal eagles…and then we asked if it was real. Here are the results of the poll:

• 50% of you thought it was real
• 25% said no
• 25% said maybe

After a slight recess, the jury has returned with this verdict: yes, indeed LegalForce is a real social networking application. C’mon, they have social networking sites dedicated to virtually everything - are you surprised?

Speaking of surprise, did you catch Will Ferrill making a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live: Thursday Update yesterday? He shared the stage with the brilliant Tina Fey…in a spot called “George W. Bush endorses McCain/Palin” - watch the video below - and enjoy your Friday!

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The McCain camp, after learning this past weekend that not only was Colin Powell supporting his opponent, but that Barack Obama has raised a record breaking $150M in campaign funds last month, has thrown all caution to the wind with their online advertising buys.

Similar to last week’s fiasco of purchasing in-game advertising on the Xbox 360, the McCain/Palin campaign is putting out all stops in purchasing online banner ads in any available ad space (like yooRyoo - see the ad in the lower right hand part of this very page!). Unfortunately, true to McCain’s “maverick” style and impetuous decision-making skills, he has gotten it all wrong again.

Rather than have our readers scour the web for samples of these misplaced, misspoken and highly-unusual ads, yooRyoo has gathered them here for your convenience:

In a miscalculation, even the click-through URLs of these ads are reportedly wrong, sending users to sites such as VPILF.com, the Sarah Palin Blog and Sarah Palin as President!

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Happy Sunday and welcome to our regular Sunday feature called “Is It Real?“…where you guess if the web 2.0 company/product/service that we present to you today is real.

You see, we give you just enough information to grasp the concept of what we’re presenting, and then ask you to vote - without the help of the web in ANY WAY - if this company is real or not. Voting runs all week, and we reveal the real answer this Friday in the Friday Fishwrap.

Today we present to you a social networking site dedicated to lawyers. Called “LegalForce,” this site allows you to join only if you are a lawyer (all other people will either be sued or pressured into instigating legal action against another!). LegalForce currently has close to 150,000 lawyers enrolled, and provides a platform to share contacts and information about current rulings.

Moreover, it has a special section called “the Water Cooler” where fellow lawyers can start threads about certain topics (”What is the bonus at Cheatem, Lyum and Steele if you become a Jr. Partner?”) or qvetch about that pesky criminal trial you are working on (”How can I trick the judge into giving me a four day recess, because I have tickets to Guadalajara for a long weekend?”).

It seems that every profession has some form of social networking, and LegalForce is the one for lawyers.

So, yooRyoo readers, I ask - is LegalForce real? And be careful of how you answer, they may be watching…

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Happy Friday Fishrap! This is where we share the results of our latest “Is It Real?” poll, and then present an entertaining video from the web.

First: let’s share with you the results of our last “Is It Real?” -

Last Sunday we presented a new technology that the McCain campaign released in a desperate attempt to keep up with the Obama campaign. This iPhone application is designed to share with his supporters the latest smear ads and falsehoods….er, latest campaign ads and stump speeches. Taking unique advantage of the iPhone platform, they included a built-in game allowing McCain to fight back against imaginary domestic terrorist groups and voter registration groups out to “destroy to fundamentals of our economy.”

We then asked you to vote, if you think it’s real. Here are the results of that poll:

• 80% thought it was fake
• 13% thought it was real
• 7% weren’t sure

The actual is that the McCain iPhone application is NOT REAL (big surprise - this guy needs his secretary - er, Cindy - to use his Blackberry for him…evidently, even though he invented it, he still doesn’t know how to use it). Good guessing…and tune in this Sunday for a new edition of “Is It Real?’

Now, on to the video part of our show. Today, we feature a nice vignette that illustrates one man’s love for the progress bar. It might take a moment to load, but be patient…it’s worth it. Have a good one!

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By now, you may have already heard the news that the Obama campaign has started inserting campaign ads into console video games (if you haven’t read the scoop at GigaOm here).

Actual Obama ad in Xbox 360 racing game “Burnout Paradise”

As always, the McCain campaign responded quickly yesterday by releasing news that their campaign will also begin in-game advertising as part of his desperate attempt to appeal to young people - sometimes by even buying the same advertising space!! Here are a list of proposed placements for McCain ads:

McCain ad in “FIFA ‘07″

McCain/Palin 08 ad in “Burnout Paradise”

McCain issue ad in “GTA IV”

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Welcome, yooRyoo readers, to our Sunday feature - “Is It Real?” where we present a new Web 2.0 tool or technology, give you a brief overview of the product, and then ask you to vote on if it is real or not. There is a catch, though - you cannot use the internet in any way to help you guess your answer. That’s right - this is a gut-check guess!

We reveal the answer in the following Friday Fishwrap posting. That means you have all week to vote on whether you think this is real or not. Understood? Then let’s get started:

As you know, the Obama campaign is always on the forefront with new technologies to help promote their candidate…and the McCain campaign is desperately following on their heels. When Obama launched a Twitter feed, suddenly 30 McCain twitter feeds were created (29 of which are decidedly fake, but much more entertaining). Incidentally, Barack Obama has more than 80,000 people following his Twitter feeds.

You may have heard, the Obama campaign recently released their very own iPhone application - a way for Barack supporters to stay in touch with the candidate. Not to be outdone, the McCain campaign is now introducing their very own iPhone application. Similar to the Obama application, the McCain iPhone app allows users to get instant messages and campaign updates from their campaign.

But, as an added touch, McCain’s iPhone application contains a fun, imbeded game where you can control an animated version of McCain and Palin, and have them shoot at Iranian invaders, wolves (from a helicopter) and Russians from across the sea. This game is called “Grumpier Old Men” (since it’s loosely based on the movie).

So, yooRyoo friends, we ask - do you think that the McCain iPhone application is indeed real? Vote below…the answer will be revealed on Friday!

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