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Fans of Gene Rodenberry are delighted to hear that the 2008 presidential campaign has finally see the release of a previously top-secret “Palindome.” With the release of this incredible device, once marginalized members of society finally have a chance to win the candidacy of the President or Vice President of the United States.

Each marginalized demographic (women, black men, Irish-Americans, semi-senile senior citizens and even white trailer-trash from Alaska) has its pundits and believers.

It is common knowledge that candidates can’t be all things to all people. John Edwards (formerly running for the Democratic nomination) had the frustration of not being able to convincingly stand for the black or women’s vote. Mrs. Edwards explained that they “…can’t make John black, or a woman” (it is noted that he was able to be an adulterer, but we digress).

Now, with Palindome, they can.

Much like Star Trek’s Holodeck, the Palindome was created by government scientists that labored on the device for well over two decades. With the release of Windows Vista, they finally found a stable OS to run the sophisticated software, and released the device in time for the 2008 Presidential race, Now candidates have the ability to to simulate life-like experiences of what it is like to be an elderly white man, a black man, or even a female governor of a low population state.

This simulation allows candidates to validate their deeply held convictions, without the by-products of what it is actually like to be a disgruntled POW or a white woman with an underage teen daughter pregnant out of wedlock. And amazingly, just like in the Star Trek episode “The Inner Light” the candidates can live a lifetime’s worth of experiences in about 15 minutes (not counting the Windows Vista reboots).

Barack Obama, after exiting the Palindome, stated: “Now I understand the experiences that my opponent has gone through. I have been tortured. My arms broken. I cheated on my first wife after she was maimed in a traffic accident with rich debutantes. I flew into unexpected rages and have made rash, unreasoned decisions – like selecting a running-mate with absolutely no credentials.”

McCain had a similar revelation: “I feel great sympathy with black women everywhere, since, through the technology of the Palindome, I am able to understand, through a lifetimes experience of being a black woman, your particular issues.” Aides whispered in his ears for an awkward moment, and he then added, “What I meant was experiencing what it was like to live the life of a black MAN.” Then he was gingerly led off-stage.

Not surprisingly, Sarah Palin was actually the first to enter the Palindome (hence it was named after her) and went into an alternate reality where she experienced what it was like to be a politically savvy, smart, well-connected and knowledgeable Senator of the state of New York. Still, the experience apparently had no effect on her.

Scientist have resolved that while the Palindome can have you experience the simulated life of another person, it can’t make up for your own stupidity.

With the much-reported “celebritization” of same-sex marriages by the ever-popular Brangelina (Brad Pitt: “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able“), the quick-rising San Francisco based HomoWeb Inc. has just released their first Web 2.0 technology entitled “gaiMarrij 2.0”

This new technology allows same-sex couples to enter a parallel universe where all expressions of love are approved of as long as they are between consenting adults, i.e. the Internet.

“Let’s face it, anyone can do just about anything online,” said Bruce, Homo Inc.’s CIO, “we are just trying to make some money off that concept.”

With a flashy interface, and downloadable “widgets”, gaiMarrij 2.0 confers all the rights of straight marriage – property inheritance, conferring health benefits to partners and miserable late-night fights over who left the toilet seat up – to gay and lesbian couples throughout the world.

Co-founder and lead developer Steve added: “gaiMarrij 2.0 creates an online social environment where our lifestyle is not just allowed, it is fully accepted as self-evidently right and correct. It’s kinda like Second Life, but a lot less scarier. And with fewer Furries.”

Details of the world premiere of this new software application were leaked to TMZ, Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight that outlined plans for many major stars to logon and create their own avatars, with a grand finale of the highly-coveted Brad and Angelina Jolie Union streamed in real-time, and finally consumating their – at times – unholy partnership.

When reached for confirmation, Brad announced, “I don’t remember saying anything about getting married to Angelina…are you sure that’s not some sort of internet hoax or satire?”

After the recent incendiary and possibly racist remarks by Jesse “I want to cut his nuts off” Jackson, and Obama’s former preacher, Pieceout has created a technology that translates hatespeech within the Obama (supposed) supporters, into truly supportive, non-incendiary, politically correct and non-offensive speech.  The new technology has been dubbed “J’Obama 2.0″

J’Obama 2.0 is a combination of VoIP and voice-recognition software (similar to the technology used for speech recognition applications include voice dialing (e.g., “ET phone home”), call routing (e.g., “I would like to make a booty call”), and in aircraft cockpits usually termed Direct Voice Input (e.g., “Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.”)

The political dialog in this age of 24 hour media coverage has gotten to the point where we must not only watch our language; we must learn to use our language in a positive and supportive manner. And when we can’t, it’s J’Obama 2.0 to the rescue!

Much like how the Neo-Conservatist united their party under extremist rhetoric and Rush Limbaugh “Dittoheads” Obama supporters have to speak with one voice – united.  A translation device utilizes this new way of talking by co-opting the language of our oppressors through the J’Obama technology will aid us in expressing ourselves in a people positive manner. J’Obama the translation technology will lead the way!

What we need to be careful of is avoiding the type of heckling that arose with the use of Ebonics. Ebonics, a valid English based dialect was characterized as a dumbing down of the English Language – a throwback to bad english and slang-ridden pseudo-language. This misinterpretation of a rich and varied dialect of English has reduced it to the level of jokes told during Late Night talk shows and sound bites.  In order to fight this tendency of the hegemony to put-down and belittle what they do not understand, J’Obama 2.0 is here as a multi-faceted tool to aid in the unification of the black men and women that publicly state that they support Obama.

The name “J’Obama” refers to a sort of mashup between Jesse Jackson and Obama. On the one hand it speaks to the roots of addressing the kind of careless statements said when thought of as off-mike when in reality they were said inadvertently into a live one (e.g. “Barack, he’s talking down to black people…”). On the other, it addresses the hope of a black man as a candidate for the president of the United States embodied by Senator Obama. Different modules address different audiences using the J’Obama 2.0 technology suite

The translation device is worn around the neck and instantaneously scrubs outgoing speech by the user and translates it into meaningful and supportive phrases. Some examples:

•  ”I want to cut his nuts off” translates to: ”I support Obama 100%”
•  ”America Has Murdered Innocent People & God Damn America!” translates to: “I support America’s troops, but not our countries policies.”

The direct translation mode involves a miniturized microphone connected to hardware that directly translates hatespeech to what you ‘really meant’ (often recounted later at an apologetic press conference).

In an effort to rebuff the latest bid by Microsoft, Yahoo announced late today a surprising new mash-up, intended to bring together technology and politics once and for all. Aligning with democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Yahoo’s shareholders thumbed their nose at Jerry Yang by revealing  “Yo’ Bama” – a search engine with attitude.

“Yo’ Bama combines the natural search algorithms of the Yahoo! search engine with the elegance of an Obama speech, and delivers a natural, believable search experience that gives web searchers hope and inspiration” claims an anonymous ValleyWag blogger that had recently been “let go” due to undisclosed circumstances. “Just type in a simple search string like ‘Brangelina’s Twins” and Yo’ Bama’s search results will yield only relevant, intelligent results related to the injustices in Darfur, and the economic impact of drilling in Anwar.”

Screen shot of Yo’Bama search

This new, “improved” way to search caused an immediate ripple of excitement throughout the technology community – also causing a major backlash from detractors.

• Rev. Jesse Jackson was nonplussed, uttering epithets under his breath while on camera and microphoned.
• 99% of internet websites have immediately launched an online petition to grant themselves access to the search results of Yo’Bama.

The Obama camp has remained mysteriously silent about the proposed merger, but remaining Yahoo executives have been caught flashing gang signs at Steve Ballmer’s offices on the Microsoft campus.

Try Yo’ Bama search here….

Web 2.0 technology has created a new and improved presidential candidate, dubbed Obama2.0. The hierarchical, top down administration has been combined with the advantages of social networking and grass roots support and fundraising.

It was determined (through a series of exhaustive online surveys) that the candidate be multi-racial, liberal, very well-spoken, highly educated, with just a smattering of negatives to make him feel more real and less plastic than John Edwards. From YouTube endorsements (I’ve got a crush on Obama) to celebrity endorsements ( Scarlett Johansen) the story of Web 2.0 technology Obama2.0 is like something out of a Silicon Valley think tank. Which he is.

Expected to poll well in a variety of communities – both online and in real-life, Obama2.0 is a “mash-up” of previous presidential candidates, including John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Jimmy Carter. This real-life avatar expects to be downloaded heavily in November, in full expectation of it’s initial release.