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Miracle at St. Obama - reality based video game

November 19, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Video Games No Comments →

Reality based video games are nothing new. Some examples are the Sims, as well as such titles as Guitar Hero and even the games such as Grand Theft Auto.


There’s now a new video game called “Miracle at St. Obama” – a reality based game where the “Mission Impossible” is to get us out of a war, prevent a recession/depression, prevent Russian encroachment on the eastern front, gain support for universal healthcare, and start the long road to an economic recovery.

Is Obama our miracle worker?


Instead of the typical male teen mindset of “let’s blow sh– up!’ this is a new concept in reality based gaming modelled on the toughest job in the world in one of the toughest of times - right here, right now. In this game you play America’s first black president. Hopes are high that you are able to accomplish such miracles as prevent the fall of our nation’s auto industry, fight two wars, gain the respect and cooperation of the opposing political party, unite your own liberal base, among all the other myriad problems or, as Obama would say “Opportunities for Change” with a capital “C.”


The game has options for other “Fantasy presidents” such as a McCain or Hilary Clinton presidency, and even a Sarah Palin Presidency based on the untimely death of a fantasy McCain President, and how she deals with incursions into the Georgian territory, “Well, we’ll just send our troops to the south, you betcha!” is one canned response.


Real time updates add realism to the game as the game is updated on a nightly schedule to make the game coincide with actual events in the world happening today.


There are even “hidden levels” that reveal an Arnold Schwartzenegger presidency (just need to remove the requirement of a candidate being from this country!), and “what if” scenarios such as “What if aliens landed!”


The game is guaranteed to provide hours of fun, otherwise there is a full 4 years no questions asked return policy to a period of worldwide disapprobation, war and economic turmoil.

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President-elect Obama asked to remove all traces of himself on the internet

November 17, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Political No Comments →

Obama already misses the internetThe White House announced over the weekend that President-elect Barack Obama will have to remove all traces of himself from the internet, due to the Presidential Records Act. This includes not only giving up his Blackberry, but also removing all social networking profiles, public campaign websites, and any mention of him in blog postings and/or news reports.

“Due to the private nature and high security level associated with the Presidency, Obama will have to stop using email, updating his Facebook status and sending our ‘tweets’ to his more than 102,000 followers on Twitter,” a top aide stated over the weekend, “In fact, he’s going to have to go off-line completely - limiting his access to printed information only…and even that material would be more than a week old, to ensure it’s properly ‘vetted’.”

This news apparently caused much concern with the president-elect (in some circles dubbed “Obama 2.0“), who is apparently addicted to posting links, funny videos from the campaign trail and MP3s of his favorite bands on his MySpace account.

Major social media outlets have been asked to comply, including popular sites such as YouTube, Hulu.com and Friendfeed being asked to “purge” any video, audio or text stories that make any reference to the president-elect.

Obama’s latest YouTube “fireside chat” has already been blocked, and replaced with a Rick Astley video (however, yooRyoo has obtained a secret link to the video here):

A much bigger impact will be felt within the blogosphere itself - where already right-wing “anti-Obama” blog writers are complaining that they will have no more material to rant about.

“They can’t do this - it’s un-American,” said Matt Drudge late Sunday night, “I am just finishing up a piece about how Barack claims to wear boxer-briefs but really ‘goes commando‘…they can’t take away my livelihood!”

Matt Drudge is a tool

Even websites friendly to the new president are concerned: Slate.com and Politico.com have filed for “special exemption” status, promising to become exclusive online propaganda outlets for the new administration.

When asked for an official response from the president-elect, all emails bounced back with an “Undeliverable” error.

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Friday Fishwrap (11-14-08): “How to Behave on a Forum”

November 14, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Friday Fishwrap No Comments →

yooRyoo\'s Friday Fishwrap!

Happy Friday! On today’s Friday Fishwrap we reveal to you the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” and then share with you a fun, geeky video we found on the www…ready to get started?

Last Sunday, we presented Hamsterster - a social networking site, along the lines of Dogster and Catster, where Hamster owner could create profiles for their furry rodents and share them with fellow Hamster-owners (”Have you seen Mr. Cuddlewinks profile - I just uploaded new pics of him in his plastic ball!”). Then we asked you to vote, if it’s indeed real. Here are the results:

  • 29% thought it was real
  • 29% thought it wasn’t
  • 43% weren’t sure (and voted “maybe”)

The real answer - Hamsterster is INDEED REAL!!! And check out these fun pictures pulled from the site (of Patchy, Twinkle Toes and Mr. Bothari, respectively):

patchy - isn\'t he cute?twinkletoes - isn\'t he cuteMr. bothari - isn\'t he cute?

I am not sure I should be disturbed by Hamsterster, or just accept it. Anyway, now on to our video:

This Friday Fishwrap clip was forwarded to me by Jerimiah Owyang, and I thought would make a perfect - albeit geeky - video inclusion in today’s posting. Please enjoy, “How to Behave on a Forum”


How To Behave On A Forum - Funny videos are here

With that, have a great weekend! Tune in this weekend for a Special Obama2.0 update post!

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Please Vote - but check those pesky machines!

November 04, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Political, Uncategorized No Comments →

Your vote countsA sincere plea from yooRyoo today: it’s an important election day. Please - whatever you do - get out there and vote. Even if you have to wait in line a few hours…please vote!!! It’s worth it!

The “ghost is in the machine”…so if you are voting on a machine, make sure that ghost is representing you. Make your vote count!!!

Make sure to carefully watch your ballot for accuracy. Here is an actual flimed testimony of how the machines can easily be “non-calibrated” and cast the wrong vote:


Here’s Homer’s take on it:

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New Online Political Poll finds 97% of the country hasn’t been polled

November 03, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Political, Uncategorized 2 Comments →

In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Political polls - are they real?

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques - opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization - and even Fox News - has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

  • 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
  • Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
  • 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
  • States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
  • While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

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McCain follows Obama’s lead - inserts campaign ads into Xbox 360 games

October 15, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Political 5 Comments →

By now, you may have already heard the news that the Obama campaign has started inserting campaign ads into console video games (if you haven’t read the scoop at GigaOm here).

obama-on-xbox-360

Actual Obama ad in Xbox 360 racing game “Burnout Paradise”

As always, the McCain campaign responded quickly yesterday by releasing news that their campaign will also begin in-game advertising as part of his desperate attempt to appeal to young people - sometimes by even buying the same advertising space!! Here are a list of proposed placements for McCain ads:

McCain - get off my yard, kids!

McCain ad in “FIFA ‘07″

McCain - slow down you maniacs!

McCain/Palin 08 ad in “Burnout Paradise”

McCain - gun control my ass!

McCain issue ad in “GTA IV”

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The ‘G’ in G1 Phone stands for ‘Grok,’and now it’s time to ‘Grok the vote!’

September 24, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Smart Phones No Comments →

Barack Obama listens to ravings of senile old man

In partnership with the new T-Mobile G1 Phone is one of the first open source applications built exclusively for the so-called “gPhone” - and just in time for the presidential election. While this new cell phone from Google (aka “the Android”)has  dubbed the “iPhone killer” and alternately the “Blackberry killer,” (in some circles, called the “McCain killer” in reference to the Republican Presidential nominations’ PR gaffe stating that the Senator invented the ubiquitous Blackberry).

“Grok the vote” (GTV) is the new G1 Phone application that monitors social networking sites such as MySpace and FaceBook in an attempt to determine your voting preferences automatically.

Every time a G1 phone user enters or updates their social networking profile through the phones interface, “Grok the Vote” gathers a listing of your preferences, including your music tastes (or lack thereof), books you’ve read (or censor), groups you belong to (or hate) and even the types of friends your connect to - all in attempt to “grok” your vote.

Do you have a video post of “I got a crush…on Obama” by the Obama Girl? Well, that’s an easy algorythm - one vote for Obama!

How about if you are part of the Facebook group for John McCain? One vote for McCain!

If you want to censor books in public and school libraries, support a plan for oil drilling in Alaska without considering the economic trama and the environmental destruction that it would cause, support abstinence only sex education, believe that Creationism should be taught in public schools, regardless of religion, support the National Rifle Association- but not the restriction of guns from known criminals, oppose same sex marriage or any sort of health benefits for same sex couples, oppose the listing of Polar Bears on the Endangered Species Act, do not believe that Global Warming is caused by human activity, and are against all forms of abortion, even in the case of rape or incest victims, then McCain it is!

GTV was introduced to combat the vast morass of voter apathy. In the last November election, voter turnout was estimated at 39%. What about the 61% of the rest? I mean, is that really a Democracy? Does that qualify for a mandate of the American people? 39%? I mean, c’mon!

Yet, popularity of social networking sites are at an all time high! Hence - “Grok the vote” to the rescue!!!

Once a person downloads and runs the GTV open source application on their new G1 phone, Google subtly adds a User Licencing Agreement which indicates that users agree that their vote will be cast, depending on the conclusion GTV draws from the “grokking” their Social Networking sites.

Definition from Wikipedia:
Grok is a word invented by science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein, first used in the 1961 novel Stranger in a Strange Land.

To grok is to share the same reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity.

When asked about those that do not display any online preferences, the makers of GTV replied: “Well, those votes would automatically go to the Democratic candidate. We do this in an effort to combat the known Diebold voting machine bias towards conservative presidential candidates. This is also to combat the seemingly inbred tendency for liberal infighting, such as Ralph Nader pulling votes from John Kerry in 2004, and the conspicuous silence from Hillary Clinton post-Obama nomination.”

But, recently Bush was heard saying (while he thought he was off-mike):

Well, those f–kers can do any dang thang they want y’all, the die bold guy sez they’ll still deliver that geezer, and the second run beauty queen.”

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Introducing the first ever political holodeck: the Palindome!

September 10, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Political 1 Comment →

Palindome

Fans of Gene Rodenberry are delighted to hear that the 2008 presidential campaign has finally see the release of a previously top-secret “Palindome.” With the release of this incredible device, once marginalized members of society finally have a chance to win the candidacy of the President or Vice President of the United States.

Each marginalized demographic (women, black men, Irish-Americans, semi-senile senior citizens and even white trailer-trash from Alaska) has its pundits and believers.

It is common knowledge that candidates can’t be all things to all people. John Edwards (formerly running for the Democratic nomination) had the frustration of not being able to convincingly stand for the black or women’s vote. Mrs. Edwards explained that they “…can’t make John black, or a woman” (it is noted that he was able to be an adulterer, but we digress).

Now, with Palindome, they can.

Much like Star Trek’s Holodeck, the Palindome was created by government scientists that labored on the device for well over two decades. With the release of Windows Vista, they finally found a stable OS to run the sophisticated software, and released the device in time for the 2008 Presidential race, Now candidates have the ability to to simulate life-like experiences of what it is like to be an elderly white man, a black man, or even a female governor of a low population state.

Sarah Palin experiencing thru the Palindome what it's like to be horse-toothed, slightly cross-eyed  looking model

This simulation allows candidates to validate their deeply held convictions, without the by-products of what it is actually like to be a disgruntled POW or a white woman with an underage teen daughter pregnant out of wedlock. And amazingly, just like in the Star Trek episode “The Inner Light” the candidates can live a lifetime’s worth of experiences in about 15 minutes (not counting the Windows Vista reboots).

Barack Obama, after exiting the Palindome, stated: “Now I understand the experiences that my opponent has gone through. I have been tortured. My arms broken. I cheated on my first wife after she was maimed in a traffic accident with rich debutantes. I flew into unexpected rages and have made rash, unreasoned decisions - like selecting a running-mate with absolutely no credentials.”

McCain had a similar revelation: “I feel great sympathy with black women everywhere, since, through the technology of the Palindome, I am able to understand, through a lifetimes experience of being a black woman, your particular issues.” Aides whispered in his ears for an awkward moment, and he then added, “What I meant was experiencing what it was like to live the life of a black MAN.” Then he was gingerly led off-stage.

McCain is an old fuck

Not surprisingly, Sarah Palin was actually the first to enter the Palindome (hence it was named after her) and went into an alternate reality where she experienced what it was like to be a politically savvy, smart, well-connected and knowledgeable Senator of the state of New York. Still, the experience apparently had no effect on her.

Scientist have resolved that while the Palindome can have you experience the simulated life of another person, it can’t make up for your own stupidity.

 

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gaiMarrij 2.0

July 30, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Uncategorized 1 Comment →

gaimarrij2.0 - online acceptance of same-sex unions

With the much-reported “celebritization” of same-sex marriages by the ever-popular Brangelina (Brad Pitt: “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able“), the quick-rising San Francisco based HomoWeb Inc. has just released their first Web 2.0 technology entitled “gaiMarrij 2.0

This new technology allows same-sex couples to enter a parallel universe where all expressions of love are approved of as long as they are between consenting adults, i.e. the Internet.

“Let’s face it, anyone can do just about anything online,” said Bruce, Homo Inc.’s CIO, “we are just trying to make some money off that concept.”

Bruce and Steve working hard in R&D

With a flashy interface, and downloadable “widgets”, gaiMarrij 2.0 confers all the rights of straight marriage - property inheritance, conferring health benefits to partners and miserable late-night fights over who left the toilet seat up - to gay and lesbian couples throughout the world.

Co-founder and lead developer Steve added: “gaiMarrij 2.0 creates an online social environment where our lifestyle is not just allowed, it is fully accepted as self-evidently right and correct. It’s kinda like Second Life, but a lot less scarier. And with fewer Furries.”

WTF are furries?

Details of the world premiere of this new software application were leaked to TMZ, Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight that outlined plans for many major stars to logon and create their own avatars, with a grand finale of the highly-coveted Brad and Angelina Jolie Union streamed in real-time, and finally consumating their - at times - unholy partnership.

When reached for confirmation, Brad announced, “I don’t remember saying anything about getting married to Angelina…are you sure that’s not some sort of internet hoax or satire?”

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J’Obama 2.0 - Translates mandates

July 17, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Uncategorized 4 Comments →

After the recent incendiary and possibly racist remarks by Jesse “I want to cut his nuts off” Jackson, and Obama’s former preacher, Pieceout has created a technology that translates hatespeech within the Obama (supposed) supporters, into truly supportive, non-incendiary, politically correct and non-offensive speech.  The new technology has been dubbed “J’Obama 2.0″

 

J’Obama 2.0 is a combination of VoIP and voice-recognition software (similar to the technology used for speech recognition applications include voice dialing (e.g., “ET phone home”), call routing (e.g., “I would like to make a booty call”), and in aircraft cockpits usually termed Direct Voice Input (e.g., “Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.”)

The political dialog in this age of 24 hour media coverage has gotten to the point where we must not only watch our language; we must learn to use our language in a positive and supportive manner. And when we can’t, it’s J’Obama 2.0 to the rescue!

Much like how the Neo-Conservatist united their party under extremist rhetoric and Rush Limbaugh “Dittoheads” Obama supporters have to speak with one voice - united.  A translation device utilizes this new way of talking by co-opting the language of our oppressors through the J’Obama technology will aid us in expressing ourselves in a people positive manner. J’Obama the translation technology will lead the way!

What we need to be careful of is avoiding the type of heckling that arose with the use of Ebonics. Ebonics, a valid English based dialect was characterized as a dumbing down of the English Language - a throwback to bad english and slang-ridden pseudo-language. This misinterpretation of a rich and varied dialect of English has reduced it to the level of jokes told during Late Night talk shows and sound bites.  In order to fight this tendency of the hegemony to put-down and belittle what they do not understand, J’Obama 2.0 is here as a multi-faceted tool to aid in the unification of the black men and women that publicly state that they support Obama.

The name “J’Obama” refers to a sort of mashup between Jesse Jackson and Obama. On the one hand it speaks to the roots of addressing the kind of careless statements said when thought of as off-mike when in reality they were said inadvertently into a live one (e.g. “Barack, he’s talking down to black people…”). On the other, it addresses the hope of a black man as a candidate for the president of the United States embodied by Senator Obama. Different modules address different audiences using the J’Obama 2.0 technology suite

The translation device is worn around the neck and instantaneously scrubs outgoing speech by the user and translates it into meaningful and supportive phrases. Some examples:

  •  ”I want to cut his nuts off” translates to: ”I support Obama 100%”
  •  ”America Has Murdered Innocent People & God Damn America!” translates to: “I support America’s troops, but not our countries policies.”

The direct translation mode involves a miniturized microphone connected to hardware that directly translates hatespeech to what you ‘really meant’ (often recounted later at an apologetic press conference).

 

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