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The ‘G’ in G1 Phone stands for ‘Grok,’and now it’s time to ‘Grok the vote!’

September 24, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Smart Phones No Comments →

Barack Obama listens to ravings of senile old man

In partnership with the new T-Mobile G1 Phone is one of the first open source applications built exclusively for the so-called “gPhone” - and just in time for the presidential election. While this new cell phone from Google (aka “the Android”)has  dubbed the “iPhone killer” and alternately the “Blackberry killer,” (in some circles, called the “McCain killer” in reference to the Republican Presidential nominations’ PR gaffe stating that the Senator invented the ubiquitous Blackberry).

“Grok the vote” (GTV) is the new G1 Phone application that monitors social networking sites such as MySpace and FaceBook in an attempt to determine your voting preferences automatically.

Every time a G1 phone user enters or updates their social networking profile through the phones interface, “Grok the Vote” gathers a listing of your preferences, including your music tastes (or lack thereof), books you’ve read (or censor), groups you belong to (or hate) and even the types of friends your connect to - all in attempt to “grok” your vote.

Do you have a video post of “I got a crush…on Obama” by the Obama Girl? Well, that’s an easy algorythm - one vote for Obama!

How about if you are part of the Facebook group for John McCain? One vote for McCain!

If you want to censor books in public and school libraries, support a plan for oil drilling in Alaska without considering the economic trama and the environmental destruction that it would cause, support abstinence only sex education, believe that Creationism should be taught in public schools, regardless of religion, support the National Rifle Association- but not the restriction of guns from known criminals, oppose same sex marriage or any sort of health benefits for same sex couples, oppose the listing of Polar Bears on the Endangered Species Act, do not believe that Global Warming is caused by human activity, and are against all forms of abortion, even in the case of rape or incest victims, then McCain it is!

GTV was introduced to combat the vast morass of voter apathy. In the last November election, voter turnout was estimated at 39%. What about the 61% of the rest? I mean, is that really a Democracy? Does that qualify for a mandate of the American people? 39%? I mean, c’mon!

Yet, popularity of social networking sites are at an all time high! Hence - “Grok the vote” to the rescue!!!

Once a person downloads and runs the GTV open source application on their new G1 phone, Google subtly adds a User Licencing Agreement which indicates that users agree that their vote will be cast, depending on the conclusion GTV draws from the “grokking” their Social Networking sites.

Definition from Wikipedia:
Grok is a word invented by science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein, first used in the 1961 novel Stranger in a Strange Land.

To grok is to share the same reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity.

When asked about those that do not display any online preferences, the makers of GTV replied: “Well, those votes would automatically go to the Democratic candidate. We do this in an effort to combat the known Diebold voting machine bias towards conservative presidential candidates. This is also to combat the seemingly inbred tendency for liberal infighting, such as Ralph Nader pulling votes from John Kerry in 2004, and the conspicuous silence from Hillary Clinton post-Obama nomination.”

But, recently Bush was heard saying (while he thought he was off-mike):

Well, those f–kers can do any dang thang they want y’all, the die bold guy sez they’ll still deliver that geezer, and the second run beauty queen.”

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Sickr - Flickr for senior citizens and dead people

September 23, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Social Media 1 Comment →

sickr - where you go when you die onlineLet’s face it - death is inevitable. According to the latest study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, 99.97% of all people will experience death in some form or another. And with morbidity as such a chronic condition facing most people, online web 2.0 denizens have left behind messy trails of online postings, Twitter updates and photos.

Traditionally, these “expired” posts would remain online, stagnant and unchanging, until some tenacious reporter would highlight them in the press (usually in a morbid or tragic way), or some webmaster would delete the account for inactivity. Until now - introducing Sickr, and automated service that archives online personas after real-life people pass to the other side.

“It’s amazing how seamless this is,” describes the founder Kirk D’Bucket, “once a person in RL dies, it initiates an automated process which rolls through most major government agencies - the Motor Vehicle Department, Social Security Administration and the IRS. Sickr taps into that process feed, and  aggregates this notification out to all major social networks - FriendFeed, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google FriendConnect, Twitter, etc.” 

These online records are then passed, through OpenID, open-source platforms, to a designated “final resting place” on Sickr. All status are changed automatically to “expired” or “cease to exist” and little black x’s are Photoshopped over the individual’s eyes. I can\'t see dead people

In a surprising mash-up, online “makeup artist” MyFacelift has been contracted to give these cold, lifeless online profiles one last makeover.

Sickr is great,” commented Charleze Beezle, a 26 year old member of MySpace, “I kept IM’ing my ex and he never responded. I was beginning to think that he wasn’t interested in me anymore…and then I received a notification from Sickr, that indicated he died more than two weeks ago. Needless to say, I was relieved…I was beginning to think that it was me!”

While transferring “dead” online accounts to Sickr is provided free of charge, they have already introduced a premium service in an effort to monetize their business model.

“For people experiencing a fatal disease or simply for family members of elderly online denezins, they can sponsor a “Final Resting Place” on Sickr,” explains Kirk D’Bucket, “the final destinations would be ad-free locations, with customized wallpapers, streaming music and videos. We even provide customized URL’s for that special touch!”

There are currently three levels of premium service:

  1. Bronze-level (aka “I Told Your I Was Sickr“)
  2. Silver-level (aka “I Was Sickr Than You“)
  3. Gold-level (aka “I Was Sickr and Now I Am Kickr“)

Celebrities have already jumped on the Sickr band-wagon, including Sarah Palin reserving the Gold-level location for an unnamed online celebrity. Her spokesperson stated, “We can’t tell you who it’s for - but let’s just say this guy has a lot of Facebook activity…even though he can’t use a computer!”

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Is It Real #8: MyGlu - “gluing” together your social networks applications

September 07, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Is It Real No Comments →

Is It Real? - a test of your Web 2.0 savvy

Happy Sunday - the weekend is almost over. But before you head back to work, make sure to vote on today’s Is It Real? contender.

For those of you new to Is It Real?, it’s a simple concept: we provide a company name and description, and your job - if you choose to accept it - is to vote on if you think it is a real company or not. We tally your votes all week long, and reveal the real answer on Friday.

One caveat - you cannot use the internet in anyway to help guess your answer. Ready? Then let’s get started:

Today’s company is called MyGlu - a web 2.0 open-source API that allows users to begin threading together information from a variety of social network sites, and presents it in a single dashboard-like interface. Taken from the website directly, here is a brief description of their services:

No two social networks are alike. Taking this into account, MyGlu is designed to aggregate key information from all these sites, and give users an easy-interface to share and update data.

With already existing APIs for MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Friend-Feed and Spokeo (to name a few), MyGlu is a much-needed application is the clouded web 2.0 space.

So friends, we must ask - Is MyGlu Real?

Is MyGlu a real web 2.0 application?

  • Yes - surely it must be real. After all, it sounds a lot like a previous yooRyoo post. (50%, 2 Votes)
  • Maybe - I am not sure. Can there be an open-source API that is free? (50%, 2 Votes)
  • No - MyGlu cannot be real. I try to keep MySpace and Facebook separate at all times! (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 4

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MyBot - automated cuteness on the social web!

August 06, 2008 By: Dave Category: Uncategorized 3 Comments →

Idea submitted by Dave Moore

Do you have too many Facebook buddies and MySpace friends? Still clinging to the hope that people will sign up for Bebo? Don’t have time to keep up with the comments, wall posts and messages? Now you can spend time in SecondLife and not worry about keeping up with all your online friends.

New Furby robomonster

From the makers of Furbies comes MyBot - a cute and cuddly stuffed toy with a USB2 connection that can easily integrate into all major social networking sites.

By using patented chat-room-webcam-girl technology (all rights reserved) that can be specially tuned to your needs via semantic search algorithms, MyBot will quickly compile an internal database of all your online personal preferences. Then, turn MyBot on, and it will automatically start accepting and/or rejecting friend requests, Twitter followers, respond to wall posts and comment in a tone determined by your current online mood or status (yes, it uses Toot!).

Furbies scare me

Plus, your My Bot device will occasionally make cute noises and purrs, just to remind you it’s still working!

For only $19.99 per month, a subscription to MyBot Pro extends to IM and email applications, with a simple API for gmail, MS Outlook, MSN, Jabber and others. Get your MyBot to answer all your emails for you. This service uses an intelligent search capability which learns from any previous email exchanges (similar to Xobni) to automatically generate responses in your personal conversational style to anyone on your MyBot list. Add your casual acquaintances, irritating work colleagues, your boss or even your mom - they’ll never suspect a thing!!!

No really, furbies scare meThey want to make me scream

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Friday Fishwrap: Social Networking Wars

June 27, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Friday Fishwrap 1 Comment →

Friday Fishwrap: What we like on the web. This animation on Social Networking sites highlights what is fucking retarded silly about the whole Social Networking thang. It’s funny. Czechit:

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MyFaceLift - adding “cool” to your online social status

June 16, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Social Media 1 Comment →

MyFaceLift - cool at a cost

In a unique partnership between five major online social software platforms, the newly formed conglomerate MyGooglyFaceSpaceNewsCorp has already announced plans to release a major software application before the end of the year. Entitled, MyFaceLift, this unique application is designed to “scrape” all major social software applications, looking for new updates in statuses, interests, etc. These updates are then tagged and categorized in a massive database with unique timestamp indicators.

By a subscription service, users of MyFaceLift input a few key socio-economic indicators into a master-template, and then sit back and let MyFaceLift do the rest.

“Unlike most Web 2.0 companies, we have actually built this application with a revenue stream in mind,” said an un-named spokesperson for MyGoogleFaceSpaceNewsCorp, “we plan on selling all personal data we collect to online advertisers - particularly spammers”

“But, it’s important to note,” he went on, “that our users profiles will be the freshest, hippest and coolest on the web. There is no price for that kind of glory.”

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Alterebo - the next step in (secret) social networking

June 12, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Social Media 2 Comments →

We take the “social” out of social networking.

Why go through the trouble of creating a secret identity (so your boss won’t know), and then having to port it over from Friendster to Myspace and then to Facebook or whatever flavor of the month social media?

And what about the pain of informing your real friends of your new secret identity, and then the pain of getting your friends to port over as well?

Well, now your worries are over!

After filling out a short form we will create a new secret identity for you, complete with friends, friend comments, interests and more. We will even blog, comment and send out fake party and event notices to all your fake friends.

Be the life of the (virtual) party!

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FauxFace - the newest in social updating!

June 12, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Social Media 1 Comment →

fauxface - the newest in social networkingTired of having to update your social networking sites? Allow Fauxface to take on the stress of daily updates. Utilizing a team of skilled updaters (completely fluent in English) and open access to online photo sites (such as Flickr and iStockPhoto), our company will assume the burden of social updates, including statuses, uploading new photo albums, interacting with your friends, texting, Pandora updates and a variety of other day-to-day activities that you want to convey to your friends. New – our specialized Scrabulous team will guarantee an online edge to any social game. Our hourly rates are affordable – to learn more, check out MySpace page: www.MySpace.com/MyNameisBoub

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