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Since McCain has lost the presidential election, he has a deep interest in reviving his image as a maverick. Due to this, the Arizona Senator has taken some lessons from the President-elect Barack Obama, and has embraced the newest technologies.

Partnering with the best CGI animators in Hollywood (a community he once indicated was filled with “barren, godless sinners”), the octogenerian politician had his feeble body systematically scanned and rendered electronically, ready to be inserted into historic video footage in an effort to add a positive edge to his already much-maligned “legacy.”

“Look, not only have I served in Congress for 837 years as a true maverick, always reaching across the aisle” he stated in an impromptu press conference in one of his many retirement homes in Arizona, “I was there when they actually created ‘aisles.’ Oh yeah, and the Treaty of Versailles? I did that - not that other guy.”

Not only has McCain been able to use his CGI-self to reivent his own history, programmers and other technology experts have worked with him to create an alternate virtual world, where all corporations are untaxed and the Vice President is a bimbo that also kills things with her 6-inch, Wolverine-like razor sharp claws.

Scientists are worried though, because while they have created a way for McCain to “jack in” to this new world (tentatively titled “Third Life”), they are concerned he doesn’t have the fortitude to log himself out.

“We tried to remove him forcibly from the machines, but we saw his vitals drop to dangerous levels and decided to just leave him in there,” said scientist Kareem Sumyunguy. “I’m sure we will find a solution soon. In the meantime the simulation will run AI adjusted routines so that his mind remains stimulated and engaged”

“This isn’t the Matrix, or anything,” added lead programmer Henry Dorsett Case, “You have to come out to eat and go to the bathroom.”

Monitoring his activities in this alternate universe, they have found that the aging senator from Arizona seems to be ruling his omniverse with a lioness sidekick, and role-playing surviving the crash of a jetliner, and wandering around on a deserted island with the other survivors, wondering about what - or who - lies in the jungle.

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• Emmit the Blade Runner to “retire” Palin-drones (1)
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Senator Ted Stevens is the latest fallout from the discovery of Palin-drones in our nation’s government. Last week, Sen. Stevens - from Alaska - was convicted on corruption charges stemming from over $250,000 in home renovations (along with a massage chair, dog…).

Yet, begging incredulity, at this writing, Sen. Stevens might be possibly re-elected in Alaska, making him the only sitting Senator to be a convicted felon. How could that be? The answer is simple -  Senator Ted Stevens is (yes, you guessed it!) a Palin-Drone (remember Palin-drones?)!!!

That’s where Emmit comes in…Emmit is a Blade Runner (made famous by the movie of the same name). His old job was to retire Replicants; now he retires Palin-Drones. Having been appointed a US District Court Judge, Emmit was assigned to the Senator’s case:

Bryant: I need ya, Ems. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Emmit: [narrating] They don’t advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer. Now, I’m just a judge taking down “Palin-drones”…

Emmit could stand the reversals on political viewpoints, even reversals in voting, but what he couldn’t stand by to watch was a rogue Palin-Drone, seemingly in it just for the graft: Senator Ted Stevens. What follows is testimony from last week’s closing deliberations in the Sen. Stevens trial:

U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: [Emmet explains to Ted why he can't extend his Senate term] The facts of life… to make an alteration in the specifics of an organic legal system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it’s been established.
Ted Stevens:Why not?
U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: Because by the second day of deliberation, any Palin-Drones that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship sinks.
Ted Stevens:What about EMS recombination?
Emmit: We’ve already tried it - abuse of power, voter tampering, looking the other way while an American city drowns as an alkalating agent and potent mutagen; it created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before it even left the table.
Stevens: Then a repressor protein; that would block the operating Palin-Drones.
Emmit: Wouldn’t obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries with it a mutation, and you’ve got a virus again… but this, all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Stevens: But not to last.
Emmit: The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Ted. Look at you, you’re a US Senator; you’re quite a prize.
Stevens: I’ve done… questionable things.
Emmit: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.
Stevens: Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn’t put you in heaven for.

As of this writing, Senator Ted Stevens has still eluded being “retired” by Emmit - or as Emmit put it “He went rogue on us…just like that hot chick that ran for VP - and I don’t mean Darryl Hannah.” The Palin-drone Stevens remains on the loose, dangerous, and defiant.

When attempted to reach for comment, Sarah Palin was busy on the phone: presumably talking to the heads of foreign countries… (Audio here)

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In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques - opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization - and even Fox News - has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

• 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
• Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
• 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
• States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
• While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

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Happy Halloween, yooRyoo readers! In today’s special Halloween edition we’re featuring a video that celebrates this auspicious, scary holiday…

But before then, let’s reveal the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” feature - the ever-popular social networking site called StachePassions. In a nutshell, StachePassions is a social networking for men with moustaches to network and meet women who enjoy…men with mustaches. Sounds creepy - you should see the pictures in our post (link here).

We asked you to vote on if you think that StachePassions is a real site - here are the results:

• 50% of you actually believed it was true
• 33% said maybe
• 17% gave it a definite “no”

The real answer? Surprisingly enough, Stache Passions is true (don’t believe me - click this link here, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!).

OK, with that, we’ll get into our Friday video…today, we’re featuring the best of Halloween-themed internet sites. Enjoy, and don’t eat too much candy tonight!

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Happy Friday! In today’s Friday Fishwrap we’ll share with you the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” vote, and since voting is on everyone’s mind, our viral video this week is of GW Bush endorsing the McCain/Palin ticket.

First up, last Sunday we presented a social networking application designed to help lawyers network with one another, share tactics over virtual “water coolers” and generally interact with one another. With close to 150,000 lawyers, LegalForce promises to be the hottest social networking app for legal eagles…and then we asked if it was real. Here are the results of the poll:

• 50% of you thought it was real
• 25% said no
• 25% said maybe

After a slight recess, the jury has returned with this verdict: yes, indeed LegalForce is a real social networking application. C’mon, they have social networking sites dedicated to virtually everything - are you surprised?

Speaking of surprise, did you catch Will Ferrill making a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live: Thursday Update yesterday? He shared the stage with the brilliant Tina Fey…in a spot called “George W. Bush endorses McCain/Palin” - watch the video below - and enjoy your Friday!

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The McCain camp, after learning this past weekend that not only was Colin Powell supporting his opponent, but that Barack Obama has raised a record breaking $150M in campaign funds last month, has thrown all caution to the wind with their online advertising buys.

Similar to last week’s fiasco of purchasing in-game advertising on the Xbox 360, the McCain/Palin campaign is putting out all stops in purchasing online banner ads in any available ad space (like yooRyoo - see the ad in the lower right hand part of this very page!). Unfortunately, true to McCain’s “maverick” style and impetuous decision-making skills, he has gotten it all wrong again.

Rather than have our readers scour the web for samples of these misplaced, misspoken and highly-unusual ads, yooRyoo has gathered them here for your convenience:

In a miscalculation, even the click-through URLs of these ads are reportedly wrong, sending users to sites such as VPILF.com, the Sarah Palin Blog and Sarah Palin as President!

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• Emmit the Blade Runner to “retire” Palin-drones (1)
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Happy Friday Fishrap! This is where we share the results of our latest “Is It Real?” poll, and then present an entertaining video from the web.

First: let’s share with you the results of our last “Is It Real?” -

Last Sunday we presented a new technology that the McCain campaign released in a desperate attempt to keep up with the Obama campaign. This iPhone application is designed to share with his supporters the latest smear ads and falsehoods….er, latest campaign ads and stump speeches. Taking unique advantage of the iPhone platform, they included a built-in game allowing McCain to fight back against imaginary domestic terrorist groups and voter registration groups out to “destroy to fundamentals of our economy.”

We then asked you to vote, if you think it’s real. Here are the results of that poll:

• 80% thought it was fake
• 13% thought it was real
• 7% weren’t sure

The actual is that the McCain iPhone application is NOT REAL (big surprise - this guy needs his secretary - er, Cindy - to use his Blackberry for him…evidently, even though he invented it, he still doesn’t know how to use it). Good guessing…and tune in this Sunday for a new edition of “Is It Real?’

Now, on to the video part of our show. Today, we feature a nice vignette that illustrates one man’s love for the progress bar. It might take a moment to load, but be patient…it’s worth it. Have a good one!

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By now, you may have already heard the news that the Obama campaign has started inserting campaign ads into console video games (if you haven’t read the scoop at GigaOm here).

Actual Obama ad in Xbox 360 racing game “Burnout Paradise”

As always, the McCain campaign responded quickly yesterday by releasing news that their campaign will also begin in-game advertising as part of his desperate attempt to appeal to young people - sometimes by even buying the same advertising space!! Here are a list of proposed placements for McCain ads:

McCain ad in “FIFA ‘07″

McCain/Palin 08 ad in “Burnout Paradise”

McCain issue ad in “GTA IV”

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As noticed by many observers, during the last presidential debate, the Democratic candidate seemed rational, giving real world answers to questions, while his opponent was lost in thought, uttering platitudes and generalizations to real-life problems (i.e. “we’re the best innovators, we’re the best producers” and how “we will succeed and we will bring our troops home with honor and victory and not in defeat”).

A Silicon Valley company - iWear - quietly issued a press release this week, as a means of explanation. “The reason John McCain waxed poetically about seemingly random non sequitors in the last debate is due to a new technology that we created. Entitled Telepromptya, this device is a surgical contact lens implant that is grafted to the wearer’s corneas. Then, from a remotely controlled wi-fi device - like an iPhone - users can project teleprompted text and other related images onto the surface of the eye. If done properly, this device can inspire and help set tones and subtleties in speeches and debates…even for presumably losing candidates.”

As an example, the company notes that Sarah Palin used it in the Vice Presidential debate, in order not to fail as spectacularly as she did during candid (and non-teleprompted) interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. “They call it ‘gotcha journalism’ but really it was because we were still perfecting the device,” Abi Normal, CEO of iWear noted. “We had endless loops and null divisions - it was a mess. When we tried it out on a second tester - Tina Fey for her SNL skit - we reran the same software version. The effect, while still way off, was uncanny.”

“We finally had to do a complete rebuild, in order to get basic functionality…and that’s what Sarah ran with for the VP debate - the basic version” added Mr. Normal.

In the case of John McCain, a special image set was created, with images of waving flags and George Washington crossing the Delaware projected onto his retinas. This allowed the Republican candidate to wax even more poetically (and jingoistically) for nearly twenty minutes during the last debate:

“That’s what America’s all about. I believe in this country. I believe in its future. I believe in its greatness. It’s been my great honor to serve it for many, many years…I like grandmothers and baseball and puppies and apple pie. I like puppy pie, too, and grandmothers hitting home runs while Washington cuts down cherry trees and vows never to tell a lie…

Future revisions of Telepromptya include the following preset themes:

• Sarah Palin draped in an American Flag (and nothing else) - NOTE: this model has already been pre-ordered by millions of Republican men in the US
• Images of Barack Obama on the campaign trail with text from JFK’s “Ich Bin Ein Berliner” speech
• Images of Fred Thompson’s Hollywood roles and character, with the abridged text from Camus’ The Plague

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