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In honor of the holiday gift-buying season, yooRyoo presents our version of the 12 Days of Christmas - featuring our most popular products and stories of 2008.

If you want to buy any of the below special offers, please email your credit card information to an undisclosed Nigerian bank where we hold our accounts.

Happy Holidays!

On the 12th day of Christmas, yooRyoo gave to me….

Twelve free lives in the popular First-Person Shooter game Miracle at St. Obama

Eleven dollars off your first purchase at Sarah Palin’s discount online clothing store, YouBetcha.com

Ten lines of original source code for Microsoft’s “Chrome browser” competitor - Rust

Nine free profile listings (with endorsement by Chuck Norris) on the social network - MyFistYourFacebook.com

Eight free in-game advertising placements left over from the failed McCain In-Game Ad Campaign

Seven month free subscription to inter-office dating platform - Snatch!

Six free “wife” avatars in the virtual online game “Second Wife”

Fffffiiivvvvve OnStarbucks

Four pictures from LOLroadkill

Three Tap-o-wiki’s

Two free shots of Google Juice

and a Toot in a disabled Palin-drone robot!

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After rumors surfaced late last week that President-elect Obama was working out in a Philadelphia gym with a Zune MP3 player, journalist zealots have been desperate to resolve the Barack question “iPod vs. Zune.”

yooRyoo has discovered some startling news: future President Obama is partial to neither the Microsoft or Apple MP3 players, and instead prefers to use a Rio PMP300 as his personal electronic music device.

“Look, my Rio is a special heirloom that was given to me by my ex-rival McCain,” Obama stated during an impromptu press conference in an Akron, OH “Curves for Men” on Monday, “It’s reminiscent of the epic battle the Arizona senator staged…and lost…on a national front. It’s a reminder a time forgotten when there was only a 32MB capacity - which means one could play almost five whole songs at a time for nearly 30 minutes at a stretch.”

When asked which songs he has loaded on his Rio Player, the President-elect’s spokesperson distributed a sheet containing the following tracks:

• “Circus” by Brittney Spears
• “If I Were a Boy” by Beyonce
• “Heartless” by Kayne West
• “Rehab” - by Amy Winehouse
• and 1/2 of “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey

As a follow up, Barack Obama added, “In this tough economy, I ask all Americans to sacrifice in a small way to help better the country. By the way, does anyone have any AA batteries I could borrow?”

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Since McCain has lost the presidential election, he has a deep interest in reviving his image as a maverick. Due to this, the Arizona Senator has taken some lessons from the President-elect Barack Obama, and has embraced the newest technologies.

Partnering with the best CGI animators in Hollywood (a community he once indicated was filled with “barren, godless sinners”), the octogenerian politician had his feeble body systematically scanned and rendered electronically, ready to be inserted into historic video footage in an effort to add a positive edge to his already much-maligned “legacy.”

“Look, not only have I served in Congress for 837 years as a true maverick, always reaching across the aisle” he stated in an impromptu press conference in one of his many retirement homes in Arizona, “I was there when they actually created ‘aisles.’ Oh yeah, and the Treaty of Versailles? I did that - not that other guy.”

Not only has McCain been able to use his CGI-self to reivent his own history, programmers and other technology experts have worked with him to create an alternate virtual world, where all corporations are untaxed and the Vice President is a bimbo that also kills things with her 6-inch, Wolverine-like razor sharp claws.

Scientists are worried though, because while they have created a way for McCain to “jack in” to this new world (tentatively titled “Third Life”), they are concerned he doesn’t have the fortitude to log himself out.

“We tried to remove him forcibly from the machines, but we saw his vitals drop to dangerous levels and decided to just leave him in there,” said scientist Kareem Sumyunguy. “I’m sure we will find a solution soon. In the meantime the simulation will run AI adjusted routines so that his mind remains stimulated and engaged”

“This isn’t the Matrix, or anything,” added lead programmer Henry Dorsett Case, “You have to come out to eat and go to the bathroom.”

Monitoring his activities in this alternate universe, they have found that the aging senator from Arizona seems to be ruling his omniverse with a lioness sidekick, and role-playing surviving the crash of a jetliner, and wandering around on a deserted island with the other survivors, wondering about what - or who - lies in the jungle.

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Senator Ted Stevens is the latest fallout from the discovery of Palin-drones in our nation’s government. Last week, Sen. Stevens - from Alaska - was convicted on corruption charges stemming from over $250,000 in home renovations (along with a massage chair, dog…).

Yet, begging incredulity, at this writing, Sen. Stevens might be possibly re-elected in Alaska, making him the only sitting Senator to be a convicted felon. How could that be? The answer is simple -  Senator Ted Stevens is (yes, you guessed it!) a Palin-Drone (remember Palin-drones?)!!!

That’s where Emmit comes in…Emmit is a Blade Runner (made famous by the movie of the same name). His old job was to retire Replicants; now he retires Palin-Drones. Having been appointed a US District Court Judge, Emmit was assigned to the Senator’s case:

Bryant: I need ya, Ems. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Emmit: [narrating] They don’t advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer. Now, I’m just a judge taking down “Palin-drones”…

Emmit could stand the reversals on political viewpoints, even reversals in voting, but what he couldn’t stand by to watch was a rogue Palin-Drone, seemingly in it just for the graft: Senator Ted Stevens. What follows is testimony from last week’s closing deliberations in the Sen. Stevens trial:

U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: [Emmet explains to Ted why he can't extend his Senate term] The facts of life… to make an alteration in the specifics of an organic legal system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it’s been established.
Ted Stevens:Why not?
U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: Because by the second day of deliberation, any Palin-Drones that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship sinks.
Ted Stevens:What about EMS recombination?
Emmit: We’ve already tried it - abuse of power, voter tampering, looking the other way while an American city drowns as an alkalating agent and potent mutagen; it created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before it even left the table.
Stevens: Then a repressor protein; that would block the operating Palin-Drones.
Emmit: Wouldn’t obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries with it a mutation, and you’ve got a virus again… but this, all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Stevens: But not to last.
Emmit: The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Ted. Look at you, you’re a US Senator; you’re quite a prize.
Stevens: I’ve done… questionable things.
Emmit: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.
Stevens: Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn’t put you in heaven for.

As of this writing, Senator Ted Stevens has still eluded being “retired” by Emmit - or as Emmit put it “He went rogue on us…just like that hot chick that ran for VP - and I don’t mean Darryl Hannah.” The Palin-drone Stevens remains on the loose, dangerous, and defiant.

When attempted to reach for comment, Sarah Palin was busy on the phone: presumably talking to the heads of foreign countries… (Audio here)

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A sincere plea from yooRyoo today: it’s an important election day. Please - whatever you do - get out there and vote. Even if you have to wait in line a few hours…please vote!!! It’s worth it!

The “ghost is in the machine”…so if you are voting on a machine, make sure that ghost is representing you. Make your vote count!!!

Make sure to carefully watch your ballot for accuracy. Here is an actual flimed testimony of how the machines can easily be “non-calibrated” and cast the wrong vote:

Here’s Homer’s take on it:

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In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques - opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization - and even Fox News - has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

• 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
• Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
• 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
• States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
• While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

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Happy Halloween, yooRyoo readers! In today’s special Halloween edition we’re featuring a video that celebrates this auspicious, scary holiday…

But before then, let’s reveal the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” feature - the ever-popular social networking site called StachePassions. In a nutshell, StachePassions is a social networking for men with moustaches to network and meet women who enjoy…men with mustaches. Sounds creepy - you should see the pictures in our post (link here).

We asked you to vote on if you think that StachePassions is a real site - here are the results:

• 50% of you actually believed it was true
• 33% said maybe
• 17% gave it a definite “no”

The real answer? Surprisingly enough, Stache Passions is true (don’t believe me - click this link here, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!).

OK, with that, we’ll get into our Friday video…today, we’re featuring the best of Halloween-themed internet sites. Enjoy, and don’t eat too much candy tonight!

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Welcome to this Sunday’s Is It Real?, where we feature some web 2.0 technology/service/program that begs believability, and asks us to question if it is real. We give you just enough information about the company, so that you could understand the concept…then we ask you to vote if it’s real - without the help of the web in anyway to verify your answer.

We leave the voting polls open all week, and then reveal the answer the following Friday. Capiche? Good…let’s introduce this week’s company - Stache Passions!

A 100% free social networking & online dating site specifically for singles with a passion for the moustache, Stache Passions is a social network built around members that feel there is nothing finer than a good stache. Stache Passions provides an open environment where mustache wearers can revel in the sitewide love bestowed upon them by a community of stache afficianados.

Both men and women are invited to be free members of the site - presumably the women are there to meet men with moustaches. Some of most popular profile pictures are below:

So, dear yooRyoo readers, we ask you - is “Stache Passions” a real social networking site? Of is this something that we made up? Vote below…and tune back in on Friday to find the real answer.

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Happy Friday! In today’s Friday Fishwrap we’ll share with you the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” vote, and since voting is on everyone’s mind, our viral video this week is of GW Bush endorsing the McCain/Palin ticket.

First up, last Sunday we presented a social networking application designed to help lawyers network with one another, share tactics over virtual “water coolers” and generally interact with one another. With close to 150,000 lawyers, LegalForce promises to be the hottest social networking app for legal eagles…and then we asked if it was real. Here are the results of the poll:

• 50% of you thought it was real
• 25% said no
• 25% said maybe

After a slight recess, the jury has returned with this verdict: yes, indeed LegalForce is a real social networking application. C’mon, they have social networking sites dedicated to virtually everything - are you surprised?

Speaking of surprise, did you catch Will Ferrill making a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live: Thursday Update yesterday? He shared the stage with the brilliant Tina Fey…in a spot called “George W. Bush endorses McCain/Palin” - watch the video below - and enjoy your Friday!

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