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Welcome, yooRyoo readers, to our Sunday feature - “Is It Real?” where we present a new Web 2.0 tool or technology, give you a brief overview of the product, and then ask you to vote on if it is real or not. There is a catch, though - you cannot use the internet in any way to help you guess your answer. That’s right - this is a gut-check guess!

We reveal the answer in the following Friday Fishwrap posting. That means you have all week to vote on whether you think this is real or not. Understood? Then let’s get started:

As you know, the Obama campaign is always on the forefront with new technologies to help promote their candidate…and the McCain campaign is desperately following on their heels. When Obama launched a Twitter feed, suddenly 30 McCain twitter feeds were created (29 of which are decidedly fake, but much more entertaining). Incidentally, Barack Obama has more than 80,000 people following his Twitter feeds.

You may have heard, the Obama campaign recently released their very own iPhone application - a way for Barack supporters to stay in touch with the candidate. Not to be outdone, the McCain campaign is now introducing their very own iPhone application. Similar to the Obama application, the McCain iPhone app allows users to get instant messages and campaign updates from their campaign.

But, as an added touch, McCain’s iPhone application contains a fun, imbeded game where you can control an animated version of McCain and Palin, and have them shoot at Iranian invaders, wolves (from a helicopter) and Russians from across the sea. This game is called “Grumpier Old Men” (since it’s loosely based on the movie).

So, yooRyoo friends, we ask - do you think that the McCain iPhone application is indeed real? Vote below…the answer will be revealed on Friday!

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Confronted with the possibility that Sarah Palin may possibly become the Vice President of the United States, a Silicon Valley technological manufacturing firm has developed a state-of-the art patch to cut out the shrill notes when Governor Palin is speaking.

This will become available in February, to coincide with the February 17, 2009 date when all television signals change from analog to digital (as well as the same date that the Cthuhlu old gods using the digital signal as a gateway to enter the earth plane and destroy the universe).

What the technology does is similar to what happens with MP3s” says the Palin Patch creator, Kip Fraunhofer. “It cuts out the irritating shrill notes that are audible to the human ear. What we’ve found with Palin, though, is that once you remove the shrill notes all you are left with is folksy sayings, parroted memorized phrases, winks and the occasional head cock. Hardly worth listening to at that point.”

A similar development effort is underway to replace all utterances of the word “Maverick” with white noise. The McCain campaign responded with: “White Noise? Are you attempting to pull the race card?”

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In partnership with the new T-Mobile G1 Phone is one of the first open source applications built exclusively for the so-called “gPhone” - and just in time for the presidential election. While this new cell phone from Google (aka “the Android”)has  dubbed the “iPhone killer” and alternately the “Blackberry killer,” (in some circles, called the “McCain killer” in reference to the Republican Presidential nominations’ PR gaffe stating that the Senator invented the ubiquitous Blackberry).

“Grok the vote” (GTV) is the new G1 Phone application that monitors social networking sites such as MySpace and FaceBook in an attempt to determine your voting preferences automatically.

Every time a G1 phone user enters or updates their social networking profile through the phones interface, “Grok the Vote” gathers a listing of your preferences, including your music tastes (or lack thereof), books you’ve read (or censor), groups you belong to (or hate) and even the types of friends your connect to - all in attempt to “grok” your vote.

Do you have a video post of “I got a crush…on Obama” by the Obama Girl? Well, that’s an easy algorythm - one vote for Obama!

How about if you are part of the Facebook group for John McCain? One vote for McCain!

If you want to censor books in public and school libraries, support a plan for oil drilling in Alaska without considering the economic trama and the environmental destruction that it would cause, support abstinence only sex education, believe that Creationism should be taught in public schools, regardless of religion, support the National Rifle Association- but not the restriction of guns from known criminals, oppose same sex marriage or any sort of health benefits for same sex couples, oppose the listing of Polar Bears on the Endangered Species Act, do not believe that Global Warming is caused by human activity, and are against all forms of abortion, even in the case of rape or incest victims, then McCain it is!

GTV was introduced to combat the vast morass of voter apathy. In the last November election, voter turnout was estimated at 39%. What about the 61% of the rest? I mean, is that really a Democracy? Does that qualify for a mandate of the American people? 39%? I mean, c’mon!

Yet, popularity of social networking sites are at an all time high! Hence - “Grok the vote” to the rescue!!!

Once a person downloads and runs the GTV open source application on their new G1 phone, Google subtly adds a User Licencing Agreement which indicates that users agree that their vote will be cast, depending on the conclusion GTV draws from the “grokking” their Social Networking sites.

Definition from Wikipedia:
Grok is a word invented by science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein, first used in the 1961 novel Stranger in a Strange Land.

To grok is to share the same reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity.

When asked about those that do not display any online preferences, the makers of GTV replied: “Well, those votes would automatically go to the Democratic candidate. We do this in an effort to combat the known Diebold voting machine bias towards conservative presidential candidates. This is also to combat the seemingly inbred tendency for liberal infighting, such as Ralph Nader pulling votes from John Kerry in 2004, and the conspicuous silence from Hillary Clinton post-Obama nomination.”

But, recently Bush was heard saying (while he thought he was off-mike):

Well, those f–kers can do any dang thang they want y’all, the die bold guy sez they’ll still deliver that geezer, and the second run beauty queen.”

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Let’s face it - death is inevitable. According to the latest study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, 99.97% of all people will experience death in some form or another. And with morbidity as such a chronic condition facing most people, online web 2.0 denizens have left behind messy trails of online postings, Twitter updates and photos.

Traditionally, these “expired” posts would remain online, stagnant and unchanging, until some tenacious reporter would highlight them in the press (usually in a morbid or tragic way), or some webmaster would delete the account for inactivity. Until now - introducing Sickr, and automated service that archives online personas after real-life people pass to the other side.

“It’s amazing how seamless this is,” describes the founder Kirk D’Bucket, “once a person in RL dies, it initiates an automated process which rolls through most major government agencies - the Motor Vehicle Department, Social Security Administration and the IRS. Sickr taps into that process feed, and  aggregates this notification out to all major social networks - FriendFeed, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google FriendConnect, Twitter, etc.” 

These online records are then passed, through OpenID, open-source platforms, to a designated “final resting place” on Sickr. All status are changed automatically to “expired” or “cease to exist” and little black x’s are Photoshopped over the individual’s eyes.

In a surprising mash-up, online “makeup artist” MyFacelift has been contracted to give these cold, lifeless online profiles one last makeover.

“Sickr is great,” commented Charleze Beezle, a 26 year old member of MySpace, “I kept IM’ing my ex and he never responded. I was beginning to think that he wasn’t interested in me anymore…and then I received a notification from Sickr, that indicated he died more than two weeks ago. Needless to say, I was relieved…I was beginning to think that it was me!”

While transferring “dead” online accounts to Sickr is provided free of charge, they have already introduced a premium service in an effort to monetize their business model.

“For people experiencing a fatal disease or simply for family members of elderly online denezins, they can sponsor a “Final Resting Place” on Sickr,” explains Kirk D’Bucket, “the final destinations would be ad-free locations, with customized wallpapers, streaming music and videos. We even provide customized URL’s for that special touch!”

There are currently three levels of premium service:

1. Bronze-level (aka “I Told Your I Was Sickr“)
2. Silver-level (aka “I Was Sickr Than You“)
3. Gold-level (aka “I Was Sickr and Now I Am Kickr“)

Celebrities have already jumped on the Sickr band-wagon, including Sarah Palin reserving the Gold-level location for an unnamed online celebrity. Her spokesperson stated, “We can’t tell you who it’s for - but let’s just say this guy has a lot of Facebook activity…even though he can’t use a computer!”

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Happy Friday, everyone! Every Friday, yooRyoo posts a few fun, online videos that will help you make it through the day and safely into the weekend. This week has been a rocky one with the financial news, but luckily one exciting technical bit of news was reveal - we finally found out who invented the Blackberry!!

No, it’s not the Canadian firm Research in Motion - it’s republican presidential nominate, John McCain (presumably when he was still alive)!!

Needless to say, Al Gore was nonplussed with the news. And Sarah Palin, when asked for comment, remarked “He invented Blackberries? Wow - and I just baked a pie full of them! He’s a genius!”

To celebrate this great advancement, yooRyoo presents a series of videos on this significant accomplishment - enjoy and have a great weekend!

John McCain Blackberry Ad

John McCain Genius Ad

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In an unexpected turn, Microsoft and Jerry Seinfeld announced today that they have abandoned their current line of “cute” and “funny” ads, instead releasing a series of stream-of-consciousness online videos where they directly insult the intelligence of Americans.

“What’s wrong with you stupid people,” Seinfeld was quoted as saying in his latest direct-to-video commercial, “why are you watching these stupid videos anyway? Do you really think I am here to be funny? You all are pathetic.”

“Yeah, and anyway it’s not like Microsoft needs you to buy more - we have 90% marketshare, you idiots,” added Gates, “And besides, didn’t your hear - I AM NO LONGER WITH THE COMPANY, YOU STUPID F*#&S!”

The video is rumored to fade with both of them mooning the camera, flipping the bird at the audience.

Joe Shmoe, average American, was reached for comment, “I mean, what were they thinking? That ordinary Americans think mustard with wine is something fancy? We’re in a monoculture - everyone has their MTV and the Food Channel.  Even the Nigerians want their Adidas. We are informed slaves to marketing. Ordinary Americans aren’t stupid, but in these commercials they are portrayed as such.”

Taking a cue from these videos, Republican presidential nominee, John McCain decided to launch into a series of online ads, directly insulting American intelligence. The first ads, entitled “Obama/Biden are sexist because they were born men” and “McCain/Palin for change - Republican have been in charge long enough: kick those bums out!“ made the rounds on the internet this morning, to mixed reviews.

Republican zealots like Rush Limbaugh and Shawn Hannity proclaimed the McCain ads as “brilliant” and “right on target” with the American zeitgeist. McCain, when reached for a reaction, asked “What’s zeitgeist? Are the Nazi Germans back in power?!”

“New Family” Video

“Shoe Circus” video

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The makers of the ever-popular SecondLife online virtual world announced plans today to introduce a new online world platform, designed specifically for the fundamentalist arm of the Mormon religion - “Second Wife.”

In this new virtual community, users are encouraged to create virtual compounds of suppression and poverty, populate their family with thousands of virtual offspring (”cyber-springs”) - all without the menacing arm of the law getting into their way of life.

“We’re excited,” says fundamentalist founder Pastor Mannie Grange, “we’ve been waiting for something like this ever since, ever since…ever since we were kicked off our compound in Colorado and lost our Comcast DSL connection.”

In Second Wife, users create avatars that have limited choices on body types and clothing. Men avatars have a scoring system that allows them to tally the number of women they connect with, and the number of cyber-springs they create. Women, unfortunately, have no scoring system, and are only measured on the length of their dress and the oneness of their eyebrow.

With this announcement, already existing LDS organizations on Second Life are planning a mass migration to this new gaming platform, packing up all of their existing belongings in Second Life vans and trucks, and hightailing it out of the SL community under the cover of darkness.

Critics have already decried this new community, noting that their are no age restrictions required when enrolling. In an attempt to reach the leaders of the Fundamental LDS organization, we received an automated email response:

“Sorry I can’t respond to your email - I am off to farm new, fertile pastures. However, your email is important to me, and I will respond once they lay in a T1 line to this godforsaken place.”

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Happy Friday, yooRyoo denizens! It’s been a crazy Web 2.0 week (particularly if you own a Sarah Palin website or blog). Judging by the web activity this last week, I expect this to be an interesting election cycle online.

Every Friday, on our Friday Fishwrap, yooRyoo presents the results of our “Is It Real?” poll from the previous Sunday, and then shares with you a fun, interesting video about Web 2.0. So, let’s get started:

Last Sunday, we featured a company called MyGlu - a web 2.0 open-source API that allows users the ability to thread together status updates and the like from a variety of social network sites. It’s all presented in a single, dashboard-like intereface. Then, we asked you to vote if the company is indeed real. Here are the survey results:

• 50% of you thought that MyGlu was real
• 50% thought that MyGlu might be real
• No one thought that MyGlu was fake.

Well, in all actuality, MyGlu is indeed a fake, made-up company - everyone was wrong! I guess it is believable that a service like MyGlu can exist (particularly since there are too many social networking sites in this day and age - I belong to seven myself - SEVEN!!!). Well, who knows what the future of the web will hold…

Which is a nice transition to today’s video. It’s entitled “Internet 1994” and features the cool, “new” possibilities of what the web could be. Sometimes it’s interesting to reflect that a mere 14 years ago, the web was filled with static webpages, indexed in categories by Yahoo! and Alta Vista. This video is a quaint, retro reminder of this new technology - enjoy!

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“Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?”

Deep in a bunker somewhere up in the Great White North, an evil firm specializing in robotic technology has secretly created life-like robotic drones, and have unleashed them quietly into the world.

Nick-named “Palin-drones” these robotic menaces have been created with one objective in mind: to act as mirror-opposites of themselves. That is, they begin by assuming a normal political position, and establish firm firm convictions and opinions. Then, within the course of a small period of time (say, a presidential political election cycle), the Palin-drones quickly change their opinions and come out sharply against themselves.

Palin-drones have been known to even vote against bills they co-authored. Equipped with dual-core processors (with each processor maintaining a separate identity and political position), these drones have already fooled nearly half of the US population.

Luckily, skeptics and anyone with half a brain are able to pick out a Palin-drone from a real person. Still, to date, two top-of-the line models still exist with an objective of undermining US society.

The Maverick08

This is a drone with a curmudgeonly attitude. He often is angry and spiteful, and only smirks - not smiles. Some of his recorded reversals:

1. The Maverick08 insisted that everyone, even “terrible killers,” “the worst kind of scum of humanity,” and detainees at Guantanamo Bay, “deserve to have some adjudication of their cases,” even if that means “releasing some of them.” He even indicated that Gitmo should be closed. He now believes the opposite.
2. He was against waterboarding and torture until February of this year - now he’s for it.
3. When his political opponent indicated that he wanted to go to Pakistan to fight terrorist, the Maverick08 criticized him for it - now he’s for it (wanting to follow them to the “gates of hell”)
4. He wanted to kick Russia out of the G8, and then he didn’t, and then he did again.
5. The Maverick08 is both for and against a “rogue state rollback”
6. This drone once said about the war in Iraq: “We will win this conflict. We will win it easily.”Four years later he said that he knew all along that it was “probably going to be long and hard and tough.”
7. The Maverick08 flip-flopped on a number of positions related to Social Security
8. He was against making Martin Luther King a national holiday, now he’s for it.
9. He was for equal rights for gays (including gay marriage) and women, but now he’s come out against it.
10. He was for a woman’s right to choose before he was against it.

A full list of all 76 policy reversals can be found at The Carpetbagger Report.

“Do geese see God?”

The HockeyMILF-o-tron

The second model, called the HockeyMILF-o-tron, was just recently unleashed on the public, and already has recorded a stunning set of reversals in position, including:

1. She was for the “Bridge to Nowhere” before she was against it (and she still kept the money for it!)
2. She is for women voters, but against giving them a right to choose.
3. She was against wind-power and clean coal projects, before she was for it.
4. She thought that Hilary Clinton was whining during the campaign, and then she praised her for her successes in the campaign.

More have been pointed out by Keith Oberman on a recent TV program:

• Sarah Palin’s Lies and Flip-Flops Part 1
• Sarah Palin’s Lies and Flip-Flops Part 2

“No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention”

Other Palin-drones are being discovered on a daily basis, since the Republican National Convention. They include

The KarlRove-o-matic (aka Pasty-head):

And the Papa-BearX8000:

“Some men interpret nine memos”

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Happy Sunday - the weekend is almost over. But before you head back to work, make sure to vote on today’s Is It Real? contender.

For those of you new to Is It Real?, it’s a simple concept: we provide a company name and description, and your job - if you choose to accept it - is to vote on if you think it is a real company or not. We tally your votes all week long, and reveal the real answer on Friday.

One caveat - you cannot use the internet in anyway to help guess your answer. Ready? Then let’s get started:

Today’s company is called MyGlu - a web 2.0 open-source API that allows users to begin threading together information from a variety of social network sites, and presents it in a single dashboard-like interface. Taken from the website directly, here is a brief description of their services:

No two social networks are alike. Taking this into account, MyGlu is designed to aggregate key information from all these sites, and give users an easy-interface to share and update data.

With already existing APIs for MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Friend-Feed and Spokeo (to name a few), MyGlu is a much-needed application is the clouded web 2.0 space.

So friends, we must ask - Is MyGlu Real?

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