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Had a late night argument with your lady friend? Girlfriend driving you nuts with her jealousy and angry texts? Is she ready to “commit” while you are planning your exit strategy? Or just can’t find your “perfect mate” on eHarmony or Match.com? No problem…

Introducing “iGrrlfrend” - a virtual girlfriend simulator that does exactly what you want, when you want it, at an affordable monthly subscription rate.

After subscribing to iGrrlfrend, users are directed to a dashboard, where they can begin crafting their own unique virtual girlfriend. Using the patented Dungeons & Dragons rating model, the iGrrlfrend Setup Wizard launches, allowing you to craft the “perfect” features (n a scale of 1 to 18) for your virtual girlfriend, including:

• Hair color
• Intelligence
• Humor
• Mood Swings
• Measurements
• Dexterity (if you know what I mean)
• Rhythm (if you know what I mean)
• Sex Appeal (if you know…er, never mind)

For those users that would rather bypass the Setup Wizard, they could select from the following templates:

• Angelina Jolie
• Marisa Miller
• Scarlett Johansen
• Jessica Alba
• Roseanne Barr

Then, using the OpenID engine, iGrrlfrend scrolls and scrapes through your existing social networks and online identies, and pulls in relevant information about you - your hobbies, pictures of you and your friends, musical tastes, etc.

Within five business days, your iGrrlfrend’s identity is created, and she will automatically “friend” you on Facebook, change your relationship status, and upload PhotoShopped pictures of you and her together - at bars and on “romantic getaways” to exotic locales like Milpitas, CA.

If opting in to the “Platinum” level, online avatars will also be created, “marrying” you on SecondLife and fighting beside you as a Mage Level 45 on World of Warcraft.

Other advanced features of iGrrlfrend will allow you to receive text messages, stating “Where the hell R U at - come home now!” or Twitter messages stating: “My friends saw you talking with that girl - who is she? Call me now!”

Plans are in the works to create an alternate iBoifrend - where female users can select from a bevvy of nerdy, overweight men that are actually real and desperate to make human contact in any form. The cost to enroll in iBoifrend are - obviously - much cheaper.

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In partnership with the new T-Mobile G1 Phone is one of the first open source applications built exclusively for the so-called “gPhone” - and just in time for the presidential election. While this new cell phone from Google (aka “the Android”)has  dubbed the “iPhone killer” and alternately the “Blackberry killer,” (in some circles, called the “McCain killer” in reference to the Republican Presidential nominations’ PR gaffe stating that the Senator invented the ubiquitous Blackberry).

“Grok the vote” (GTV) is the new G1 Phone application that monitors social networking sites such as MySpace and FaceBook in an attempt to determine your voting preferences automatically.

Every time a G1 phone user enters or updates their social networking profile through the phones interface, “Grok the Vote” gathers a listing of your preferences, including your music tastes (or lack thereof), books you’ve read (or censor), groups you belong to (or hate) and even the types of friends your connect to - all in attempt to “grok” your vote.

Do you have a video post of “I got a crush…on Obama” by the Obama Girl? Well, that’s an easy algorythm - one vote for Obama!

How about if you are part of the Facebook group for John McCain? One vote for McCain!

If you want to censor books in public and school libraries, support a plan for oil drilling in Alaska without considering the economic trama and the environmental destruction that it would cause, support abstinence only sex education, believe that Creationism should be taught in public schools, regardless of religion, support the National Rifle Association- but not the restriction of guns from known criminals, oppose same sex marriage or any sort of health benefits for same sex couples, oppose the listing of Polar Bears on the Endangered Species Act, do not believe that Global Warming is caused by human activity, and are against all forms of abortion, even in the case of rape or incest victims, then McCain it is!

GTV was introduced to combat the vast morass of voter apathy. In the last November election, voter turnout was estimated at 39%. What about the 61% of the rest? I mean, is that really a Democracy? Does that qualify for a mandate of the American people? 39%? I mean, c’mon!

Yet, popularity of social networking sites are at an all time high! Hence - “Grok the vote” to the rescue!!!

Once a person downloads and runs the GTV open source application on their new G1 phone, Google subtly adds a User Licencing Agreement which indicates that users agree that their vote will be cast, depending on the conclusion GTV draws from the “grokking” their Social Networking sites.

Definition from Wikipedia:
Grok is a word invented by science fiction author Robert A. Heinlein, first used in the 1961 novel Stranger in a Strange Land.

To grok is to share the same reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity.

When asked about those that do not display any online preferences, the makers of GTV replied: “Well, those votes would automatically go to the Democratic candidate. We do this in an effort to combat the known Diebold voting machine bias towards conservative presidential candidates. This is also to combat the seemingly inbred tendency for liberal infighting, such as Ralph Nader pulling votes from John Kerry in 2004, and the conspicuous silence from Hillary Clinton post-Obama nomination.”

But, recently Bush was heard saying (while he thought he was off-mike):

Well, those f–kers can do any dang thang they want y’all, the die bold guy sez they’ll still deliver that geezer, and the second run beauty queen.”

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Let’s face it - death is inevitable. According to the latest study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, 99.97% of all people will experience death in some form or another. And with morbidity as such a chronic condition facing most people, online web 2.0 denizens have left behind messy trails of online postings, Twitter updates and photos.

Traditionally, these “expired” posts would remain online, stagnant and unchanging, until some tenacious reporter would highlight them in the press (usually in a morbid or tragic way), or some webmaster would delete the account for inactivity. Until now - introducing Sickr, and automated service that archives online personas after real-life people pass to the other side.

“It’s amazing how seamless this is,” describes the founder Kirk D’Bucket, “once a person in RL dies, it initiates an automated process which rolls through most major government agencies - the Motor Vehicle Department, Social Security Administration and the IRS. Sickr taps into that process feed, and  aggregates this notification out to all major social networks - FriendFeed, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google FriendConnect, Twitter, etc.” 

These online records are then passed, through OpenID, open-source platforms, to a designated “final resting place” on Sickr. All status are changed automatically to “expired” or “cease to exist” and little black x’s are Photoshopped over the individual’s eyes.

In a surprising mash-up, online “makeup artist” MyFacelift has been contracted to give these cold, lifeless online profiles one last makeover.

“Sickr is great,” commented Charleze Beezle, a 26 year old member of MySpace, “I kept IM’ing my ex and he never responded. I was beginning to think that he wasn’t interested in me anymore…and then I received a notification from Sickr, that indicated he died more than two weeks ago. Needless to say, I was relieved…I was beginning to think that it was me!”

While transferring “dead” online accounts to Sickr is provided free of charge, they have already introduced a premium service in an effort to monetize their business model.

“For people experiencing a fatal disease or simply for family members of elderly online denezins, they can sponsor a “Final Resting Place” on Sickr,” explains Kirk D’Bucket, “the final destinations would be ad-free locations, with customized wallpapers, streaming music and videos. We even provide customized URL’s for that special touch!”

There are currently three levels of premium service:

1. Bronze-level (aka “I Told Your I Was Sickr“)
2. Silver-level (aka “I Was Sickr Than You“)
3. Gold-level (aka “I Was Sickr and Now I Am Kickr“)

Celebrities have already jumped on the Sickr band-wagon, including Sarah Palin reserving the Gold-level location for an unnamed online celebrity. Her spokesperson stated, “We can’t tell you who it’s for - but let’s just say this guy has a lot of Facebook activity…even though he can’t use a computer!”

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Happy Sunday - the weekend is almost over. But before you head back to work, make sure to vote on today’s Is It Real? contender.

For those of you new to Is It Real?, it’s a simple concept: we provide a company name and description, and your job - if you choose to accept it - is to vote on if you think it is a real company or not. We tally your votes all week long, and reveal the real answer on Friday.

One caveat - you cannot use the internet in anyway to help guess your answer. Ready? Then let’s get started:

Today’s company is called MyGlu - a web 2.0 open-source API that allows users to begin threading together information from a variety of social network sites, and presents it in a single dashboard-like interface. Taken from the website directly, here is a brief description of their services:

No two social networks are alike. Taking this into account, MyGlu is designed to aggregate key information from all these sites, and give users an easy-interface to share and update data.

With already existing APIs for MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Friend-Feed and Spokeo (to name a few), MyGlu is a much-needed application is the clouded web 2.0 space.

So friends, we must ask - Is MyGlu Real?

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Happy Friday before a three day weekend! As always, on Friday, we at yooRyoo share the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” poll and then share a funny, relevant video making fun of Web 2.0. Today - as an added bonus for this extended weekend - we’ll also share some additional technology links that we find to be pretty funny.

First, let’s reveal the answer to “Is It Real?” - last Sunday, we highlighted a company called Estilook - a Portugeuse fashion site that allows people worldwide to judge other people’s fashion sense. A brief company description:

Estilook is an innovative social community directed toward people who have proper style. Our mission is to provide a democratic space where people of some countries, cultures can show and share its styles, interacting with other users of similar interests.

We asked you to vote, and vote you did - all week long. But now the polls are closed and here are the results:

• 60% of you thought it was real
• 20% said no
• 20% said they didn’t know

This just goes to show - once again - that you readers are great at separating the real companies from the fake ones. Estilook is indeed real - check out their website at: www.estilook.com

Enjoy the start of this long weekend with a funny British skit from YouTube called “FaceBook in Reality”…

Added bonus - extra-special content!!!!

As I mentioned, we found that MSN posted a few links in their Technology section this week.  While these postings had nothing to do with us, I am sure the MSN editors secretly visit our site and were inspired by yooRyoo.

They’re worth a look (even though the interface leaves something to be desired…what can you expect from Microsoft).

• Web 2.0’s Most Ridiculous Sites
• The Web’s 10 Weirdest Social Networks

Incidentally, these links were forwarded to us by our good friend, and loyal reader, Jim Merrion (thanks for sending our way, Jim!). Feel free to submit your ideas at any time through our Submission button.

Come back this Sunday for a brand new posting of “Is It Real?” - and have a great weekend!

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Happy Friday - it’s time for the Friday Fishwrap. Before our video, here are the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” poll. We asked if the FaceBook group “I Tend to Fart in Public” is real…I mean, I know there are crazy FaceBook groups, but can this one actually exist?

• 67% of you thought it was indeed real (I worry about you people)
• 33% thought it was fake (like none of you have ever farted in public…)

The answer? “I Tend to Fart in Public” is indeed real! For those of you with FaceBook profiles, here’s the link (yes, it’s a private group - I wonder why). Tune in this Sunday for our next installment of “Is It Real?”

Until then, we leave you this Friday with a great, viral clip that features a well-known WWII figure struggling with his Twitter posts - enjoy!

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Happy Sunday, yooRyoo followers. As you know, every Sunday we like to bring you a feature called “Is It Real?” - where we present a web 2.0 company or technology, give you a brief overview of the product, and then ask you to decide if it’s real or not. We reveal the answer to you on Friday, so you have a whole week to vote!

Here’s the catch: you can’t use the web in any way to determine if the company is real or not. You just have to guess, based on what’s presented of you. So, without any more ado, here is this Sunday’s “Is It Real?“…

As you know Facebook allows members to gather together under formal “groups” - thus, proclaiming your likeness with other denizens of this social network. To that end, Facebook users have created a group called “I Tend to Fart in Public” with the following description:

This is a group for sharing horror stories about farting in a socially unacceptable setting. it’s happened to all of us and we could all use a safe place to talk about it.

There are currently 23 members of this group, but once the word gets out, they expect an explosive rise in new members…

Is "I Tend to Fart in Public" a real Facebook group?

• Maybe - because when I fart in public, I let out silent ones...so no one knows it's me (67%, 2 Votes)
• Yes - since I tend to fart in public all the time, this must be a real group (33%, 1 Votes)
• No - I can't imagine ever farting in public...I always do it in the privacy of my office, home or car. (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

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Idea submitted by Dave Moore

Do you have too many Facebook buddies and MySpace friends? Still clinging to the hope that people will sign up for Bebo? Don’t have time to keep up with the comments, wall posts and messages? Now you can spend time in SecondLife and not worry about keeping up with all your online friends.

From the makers of Furbies comes MyBot - a cute and cuddly stuffed toy with a USB2 connection that can easily integrate into all major social networking sites.

By using patented chat-room-webcam-girl technology (all rights reserved) that can be specially tuned to your needs via semantic search algorithms, MyBot will quickly compile an internal database of all your online personal preferences. Then, turn MyBot on, and it will automatically start accepting and/or rejecting friend requests, Twitter followers, respond to wall posts and comment in a tone determined by your current online mood or status (yes, it uses Toot!).

Plus, your My Bot device will occasionally make cute noises and purrs, just to remind you it’s still working!

For only $19.99 per month, a subscription to MyBot Pro extends to IM and email applications, with a simple API for gmail, MS Outlook, MSN, Jabber and others. Get your MyBot to answer all your emails for you. This service uses an intelligent search capability which learns from any previous email exchanges (similar to Xobni) to automatically generate responses in your personal conversational style to anyone on your MyBot list. Add your casual acquaintances, irritating work colleagues, your boss or even your mom - they’ll never suspect a thing!!!

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In a crazy move (on a triple-word play, no less), Hasbro games announced today the release of one of their newest online, Facebook game application - Crapulous!

Crapulous is an ASCII-based application available through the Facebook application interface, allowing users to clumsily play against a “computer-generated AI” player through command-line scripts.

“Loosely fashioned after such engaging games as Zork and that one the Matthew Broderick kid played in ‘Wargames,’ we’re convinced Crapulous will be as popular as ICQ,” commented Hasbro spokesperson, Crash Bandicoot.

Although early beta-tests revealed difficulty installing the command-line window interface on most computers, Crapulous has already gained a significant early install base, revealed Mr. Bandicoot. “We’re definitely excited by the usability testing on Windows NT machines, but only those with more than 256kb of RAM,” he added.

Nonplussed, the creators of Scrabulous have already released their replacement game, WordScraper, and have already tracked more than 8 billion installs.

Hasbro has already tentatively announced a complete roadmap of ASCII-based games for Facebook, through the remainder of 2008, including:

• BattleCrap - face off against another player, in this exciting, turn-by-turn script-based battle game
• CrappyLand - where kids and adults move simple emoticons through a flat, 2-dimensional land of fun
• Hungry Hungry Crappos - exciting turn-based action, where you compete to “eat” more “&” symbols than your computer based foes
• Oper-crap-tion - your skill at kernel commands is put to the test…fail, and you might hear the dulcit sound of an 8-bit alarm tone from your speakers

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Friday Fishwrap: What we like on the web. This animation on Social Networking sites highlights what is fucking retarded silly about the whole Social Networking thang. It’s funny. Czechit:

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