The makers of the ever-popular SecondLife online virtual world announced plans today to introduce a new online world platform, designed specifically for the fundamentalist arm of the Mormon religion – “Second Wife.”
In this new virtual community, users are encouraged to create virtual compounds of suppression and poverty, populate their family with thousands of virtual offspring (“cyber-springs”) – all without the menacing arm of the law getting into their way of life.
“We’re excited,” says fundamentalist founder Pastor Mannie Grange, “we’ve been waiting for something like this ever since, ever since…ever since we were kicked off our compound in Colorado and lost our Comcast DSL connection.”
In Second Wife, users create avatars that have limited choices on body types and clothing. Men avatars have a scoring system that allows them to tally the number of women they connect with, and the number of cyber-springs they create. Women, unfortunately, have no scoring system, and are only measured on the length of their dress and the oneness of their eyebrow.
With this announcement, already existing LDS organizations on Second Life are planning a mass migration to this new gaming platform, packing up all of their existing belongings in Second Life vans and trucks, and hightailing it out of the SL community under the cover of darkness.
Critics have already decried this new community, noting that their are no age restrictions required when enrolling. In an attempt to reach the leaders of the Fundamental LDS organization, we received an automated email response:
“Sorry I can’t respond to your email – I am off to farm new, fertile pastures. However, your email is important to me, and I will respond once they lay in a T1 line to this godforsaken place.”