Microsoft, in another desperate bid to become a “me-to” player in a technology space where they own 90% of the market, released today their response to the ever-popular Google Chrome browser: Rust. Leaving off where Netscape and Mosaic left off years ago, Microsoft’s Rust browser promises to bring a “nostalgic feel” back to surfing the web – back to the days of dial-up and Usenet groups.
“We’re excited,” says Steve Balmer, “web users are longing for the days when websites would take minutes – even hours to load. And there’s nothing more sublime than 76dpi graphics….aah, so serene.”
Google’s Rust browser strips out all those annoying Flash applications, cascading style sheets and anything Ajax-y, and delivers the web in all it’s simple glory. Forget ASP, JSP, or .NET – Rust delivers HTML simply and quickly.
“We’re excited,” says Balmer, “By delivering the ‘new web’ in such an old-school way, we’re removing all risks of viruses, malware and adware. This is what’s called in the tech-space, the old ‘bait and switch’.”
In a second surprise move, Microsoft announced that both Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates will return to their marketing campaign, to promote the Rust browser. This, after the much disputed firing of Seinfeld and Gates from their previous campaign.
Jerry Seinfeld, when cornered by rabid reporters, commented: “I was using Netscape when surfing the web on my Macintosh, back when I was starring on TV – this will be easy for me to promote.”
Bill Gates, when demo’ing the new Rust browser, remarked – “Wait a sec – didn’t we trounce these guys when we launched IE2 back in 1999? What gives?”