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YouBetcha.com – Sarah Palin launches online shopping/auction site

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palin is shopping for dealsIn a surprising career turn, Sarah Palin – in the midst of her hectic talk-show circuit – announced this week that she will be launching her very own online shopping and auction site. Tentatively entitled YouBetcha.com, the site will feature name-brand clothing and other items at discount pricing, available for direct sale or for auction, “eBay-style”.

Clothing from Nieman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and even Walmart will be offered at 50%, 60%, even 70% off list pricing. In addition, a number of “slightly used snow machines” and a variety of 2008 political merchandise will be immediately posted to the site at cut rates.

Further negotiations are underway to acquire a number of household items – at bargain-basement prices. When reached for comment, Sen. Ted Stevens indicated he had no knowledge of such transactions. “Take me to court if you want to prove anything,” he added, eluding further questions.

Ted Stevens\' bargain basement deals

Expected to cause quite a stir with online shoppers in the holiday season, Palin will formally launch the site during her appearance on The View this week, along with a strong Search Engine Marketing push later this month.

“A lot of people have been telling me that I have strong competition from Amazon,” Palin stated, “But I know that’s gotcha-marketing…the Amazon’s in the country of Africa, which is far from the Alaskan Tundra where I’m at…I can’t even see it from here!”

Anticipated social media conference ends early due to no cell, wireless or power access

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San Francisco – One of the most highly anticipated social media/web 2.0 conferences of the year ended much earlier than expected today due to poor planning on the organizers. What was hailed as the “must attend event of the year,” the Social Web Extravaganza Business Expo (SWEBE) was forced to shut down three days early due to lack of access to a cell phone or wireless signal, and no usable power outlets.

“Look, we warned attendees well in advance,” said event organizer F.T. Bailey, “it’s even part of the byline of the event – ‘Prepared to be charged and connected’…look at the sign!” Mr. Bailey added, pointing to a banner in an empty auditorium.

Banner for SWEBE

Almost immediately, problems began to surface when excited seminar attendees were routed to the concrete basement of the hotel. Cell phone signals were immediately lost, causing audible groans to rise from the auditorium.

Then, things took a turn for the worst when it was discovered that absolutely no wireless signal was available throughout the entire building: “Our apologies,” stated a recorded message that repeated over the loudspeakers, “in an effort to curtail costs, internet connectivity is currently not available. We apologize for the inconvenience.

To add insult to injury, it was soon discovered that only one power outlet was available throughout the entire conference area, and it wasn’t compatible with any known electronic plug. One attendee took this picture on his iPhone, just before the device lost battery power:

When reached for comments, agitated attendees were quick to weigh in on their concerns:

“No wifi, no cell phone coverage, no power…c’mon, it only took two hours before my Android phone shut off – this is unacceptable, and not worth the $250 price admission!”

“I couldn’t get on Twitter for more than 45 minutes…how are my peeps going to know how horrible the event was? I need to find an outlet quick, so I could Tweet this travesty!”

Event organizers, after making a variety of excuses, quickly ducked out a side-door, presumably to recharge, reconnect, and write “plausible deniability” posts on their blogs.


iGrrlfrend – when your “real” girlfriend just won’t do

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igrrlfren - when you can\'t get it in real life

Had a late night argument with your lady friend? Girlfriend driving you nuts with her jealousy and angry texts? Is she ready to “commit” while you are planning your exit strategy? Or just can’t find your “perfect mate” on eHarmony or Match.com? No problem…

angry text message - are they a sign of love?

Introducing “iGrrlfrend” – a virtual girlfriend simulator that does exactly what you want, when you want it, at an affordable monthly subscription rate.

After subscribing to iGrrlfrend, users are directed to a dashboard, where they can begin crafting their own unique virtual girlfriend. Using the patented Dungeons & Dragons rating model, the iGrrlfrend Setup Wizard launches, allowing you to craft the “perfect” features (n a scale of 1 to 18) for your virtual girlfriend, including:

  • Hair color
  • Intelligence
  • Humor
  • Mood Swings
  • Measurements
  • Dexterity (if you know what I mean)
  • Rhythm (if you know what I mean)
  • Sex Appeal (if you know…er, never mind)

For those users that would rather bypass the Setup Wizard, they could select from the following templates:

  • Angelina Jolie
  • Marisa Miller
  • Scarlett Johansen
  • Jessica Alba
  • Roseanne Barr

Marissa Millerroseanne barr - every man\'s dream

Then, using the OpenID engine, iGrrlfrend scrolls and scrapes through your existing social networks and online identies, and pulls in relevant information about you – your hobbies, pictures of you and your friends, musical tastes, etc.

Within five business days, your iGrrlfrend‘s identity is created, and she will automatically “friend” you on Facebook, change your relationship status, and upload PhotoShopped pictures of you and her together – at bars and on “romantic getaways” to exotic locales like Milpitas, CA.

Your WoW partner doesn\'t look like this in RLIf opting in to the “Platinum” level, online avatars will also be created, “marrying” you on SecondLife and fighting beside you as a Mage Level 45 on World of Warcraft.

Other advanced features of iGrrlfrend will allow you to receive text messages, stating “Where the hell R U at – come home now!” or Twitter messages stating: “My friends saw you talking with that girl – who is she? Call me now!

Plans are in the works to create an alternate iBoifrend – where female users can select from a bevvy of nerdy, overweight men that are actually real and desperate to make human contact in any form. The cost to enroll in iBoifrend are – obviously – much cheaper.

Is It Real #14: Is Hamsterster really a social network for your Hamster?

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Is It Real? - a test of your Web 2.0 savvyWelcome to this Sunday’s edition of “Is It Real?” where we present to you a Web 2.0 company/product/service, and ask you to guess – without the use of the internet at all – whether it’s real or not. We collect votes all week, and then the following Friday, we reveal the real answer. Ready to get started?

Today we feature an ever-popular niche that’s making its way to the internet – social networking for your pet. You may have heard of Dogster.com, or even Catster.com – social networking platforms where dog or cat owners can create online profiles for their lovable, furry friends.

Now we bring you Hamsterer – a social networking community for small, furry, rodents. No, this isn’t some horrible Richard Gere joke site – this site is legit, and gives Hamster owners a platform to write, blog and even Tweet about little “ChesterBee” or “Mr. SnuggleMuffin.” This social networking platform for Hamster lovers has proved to be a genuine international success!

chesterbee - isn\'t he cute?

So, dear yooRyoo readers, the task is upon you – without searching the web in any way – make a decision: is Hamsterer a real online community for Hamster owners, or are we making it up? Vote below and tune back in on Friday for the results:

[poll id=”14″]

Friday Fishwrap (11-7-08): Everything Hologram

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yooRyoo\'s Friday Fishwrap!

Happy Friday, yooRyoo readers…as you know, at the end of every week, we post fun and interesting online videos, as a way to help celebrate the upcoming weekend! This week, with all the excitement surrounding the US Presidential Elections, CNN decided to roll out an exciting new merger of internet and TV!!!

No, I am not talking about Hulu…I mean their “Hologram” coverage. If you haven’t seen this already, here are two examples:

CNN’s will.i.am Hologram interview

I know what you’re thinking, this looks a lot like Star Wars…but it isn’t the first time hologram technology has been presented. Check out these examples:


Kate Moss in a 2006 Fashion Show


An interactive 3D hologram from lm3labs.com

Cool stuff, huh? Did you want to know how to you can make your very own hologram effect at home? Check out this easy tutorial:

Enjoy, have a great Friday…and come back Sunday for our next edition of “Is It Real?

Emmit the Blade Runner to “retire” Palin-drones

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Blade Runner and US District Judge Emmit Sullivan

Senator Ted Stevens is the latest fallout from the discovery of Palin-drones in our nation’s government. Last week, Sen. Stevens – from Alaska – was convicted on corruption charges stemming from over $250,000 in home renovations (along with a massage chair, dog…).

Yet, begging incredulity, at this writing, Sen. Stevens might be possibly re-elected in Alaska, making him the only sitting Senator to be a convicted felon. How could that be? The answer is simple –  Senator Ted Stevens is (yes, you guessed it!) a Palin-Drone (remember Palin-drones?)!!!

That’s where Emmit comes in…Emmit is a Blade Runner (made famous by the movie of the same name). His old job was to retire Replicants; now he retires Palin-Drones. Having been appointed a US District Court Judge, Emmit was assigned to the Senator’s case:

Bryant: I need ya, Ems. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Emmit: [narrating] They don’t advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer. Now, I’m just a judge taking down “Palin-drones”…

Emmit could stand the reversals on political viewpoints, even reversals in voting, but what he couldn’t stand by to watch was a rogue Palin-Drone, seemingly in it just for the graft: Senator Ted Stevens. What follows is testimony from last week’s closing deliberations in the Sen. Stevens trial:

U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: [Emmet explains to Ted why he can’t extend his Senate term] The facts of life… to make an alteration in the specifics of an organic legal system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it’s been established.
Ted Stevens:Why not?
U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: Because by the second day of deliberation, any Palin-Drones that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship sinks.
Ted Stevens:What about EMS recombination?
Emmit: We’ve already tried it – abuse of power, voter tampering, looking the other way while an American city drowns as an alkalating agent and potent mutagen; it created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before it even left the table.
Stevens: Then a repressor protein; that would block the operating Palin-Drones.
Emmit: Wouldn’t obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries with it a mutation, and you’ve got a virus again… but this, all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Stevens: But not to last.
Emmit: The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long – and you have burned so very, very brightly, Ted. Look at you, you’re a US Senator; you’re quite a prize.
Stevens: I’ve done… questionable things.
Emmit: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.
Stevens: Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn’t put you in heaven for.

Senator Ted Stevens remains defiant

As of this writing, Senator Ted Stevens has still eluded being “retired” by Emmit – or as Emmit put it “He went rogue on us…just like that hot chick that ran for VP – and I don’t mean Darryl Hannah.” The Palin-drone Stevens remains on the loose, dangerous, and defiant.

When attempted to reach for comment, Sarah Palin was busy on the phone: presumably talking to the heads of foreign countries… (Audio here)

Please Vote – but check those pesky machines!

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Your vote countsA sincere plea from yooRyoo today: it’s an important election day. Please – whatever you do – get out there and vote. Even if you have to wait in line a few hours…please vote!!! It’s worth it!

The “ghost is in the machine”…so if you are voting on a machine, make sure that ghost is representing you. Make your vote count!!!

Make sure to carefully watch your ballot for accuracy. Here is an actual flimed testimony of how the machines can easily be “non-calibrated” and cast the wrong vote:


Here’s Homer’s take on it:

New Online Political Poll finds 97% of the country hasn’t been polled

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In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Political polls - are they real?

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques – opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization – and even Fox News – has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

  • 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
  • Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
  • 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
  • States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
  • While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

Palindrone – special election update: When Robots Attack

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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

Friday Fishwrap (8-31-08): “Halloween-themed Internet sites”

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yooRyoo\'s Friday Fishwrap!

Happy Halloween, yooRyoo readers! In today’s special Halloween edition we’re featuring a video that celebrates this auspicious, scary holiday…

But before then, let’s reveal the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” feature – the ever-popular social networking site called StachePassions. In a nutshell, StachePassions is a social networking for men with moustaches to network and meet women who enjoy…men with mustaches. Sounds creepy – you should see the pictures in our post (link here).

We asked you to vote on if you think that StachePassions is a real site – here are the results:

  • 50% of you actually believed it was true
  • 33% said maybe
  • 17% gave it a definite “no”

The real answer? Surprisingly enough, Stache Passions is true (don’t believe me – click this link here, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!).

OK, with that, we’ll get into our Friday video…today, we’re featuring the best of Halloween-themed internet sites. Enjoy, and don’t eat too much candy tonight!