Microsoft and Seinfeld team up to offend ordinary Americans

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In an unexpected turn, Microsoft and Jerry Seinfeld announced today that they have abandoned their current line of “cute” and “funny” ads, instead releasing a series of stream-of-consciousness online videos where they directly insult the intelligence of Americans.

“What’s wrong with you stupid people,” Seinfeld was quoted as saying in his latest direct-to-video commercial, “why are you watching these stupid videos anyway? Do you really think I am here to be funny? You all are pathetic.”

“Yeah, and anyway it’s not like Microsoft needs you to buy more – we have 90% marketshare, you idiots,” added Gates, “And besides, didn’t your hear – I AM NO LONGER WITH THE COMPANY, YOU STUPID F*#&S!”

The video is rumored to fade with both of them mooning the camera, flipping the bird at the audience.

Joe Shmoe, average American, was reached for comment, “I mean, what were they thinking? That ordinary Americans think mustard with wine is something fancy? We’re in a monoculture – everyone has their MTV and the Food Channel.  Even the Nigerians want their Adidas. We are informed slaves to marketing. Ordinary Americans aren’t stupid, but in these commercials they are portrayed as such.”

Taking a cue from these videos, Republican presidential nominee, John McCain decided to launch into a series of online ads, directly insulting American intelligence. The first ads, entitled “Obama/Biden are sexist because they were born men” and “McCain/Palin for change – Republican have been in charge long enough: kick those bums out!” made the rounds on the internet this morning, to mixed reviews.

Republican zealots like Rush Limbaugh and Shawn Hannity proclaimed the McCain ads as “brilliant” and “right on target” with the American zeitgeist. McCain, when reached for a reaction, asked “What’s zeitgeist? Are the Nazi Germans back in power?!”

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