McCain using CGI to revise history…and he (is) still LOST!


John McCain once jammed with Woody Guthry

Since McCain has lost the presidential election, he has a deep interest in reviving his image as a maverick. Due to this, the Arizona Senator has taken some lessons from the President-elect Barack Obama, and has embraced the newest technologies.

Partnering with the best CGI animators in Hollywood (a community he once indicated was filled with “barren, godless sinners”), the octogenerian politician had his feeble body systematically scanned and rendered electronically, ready to be inserted into historic video footage in an effort to add a positive edge to his already much-maligned “legacy.”

“Look, not only have I served in Congress for 837 years as a true maverick, always reaching across the aisle” he stated in an impromptu press conference in one of his many retirement homes in Arizona, “I was there when they actually created ‘aisles.’ Oh yeah, and the Treaty of Versailles? I did that – not that other guy.”

McCain actually wrote the Treaty of Versailles

Not only has McCain been able to use his CGI-self to reivent his own history, programmers and other technology experts have worked with him to create an alternate virtual world, where all corporations are untaxed and the Vice President is a bimbo that also kills things with her 6-inch, Wolverine-like razor sharp claws.

Scientists are worried though, because while they have created a way for McCain to “jack in” to this new world (tentatively titled “Third Life”), they are concerned he doesn’t have the fortitude to log himself out.

Mccain first introduced the US to the Beatles

“We tried to remove him forcibly from the machines, but we saw his vitals drop to dangerous levels and decided to just leave him in there,” said scientist Kareem Sumyunguy. “I’m sure we will find a solution soon. In the meantime the simulation will run AI adjusted routines so that his mind remains stimulated and engaged”

“This isn’t the Matrix, or anything,” added lead programmer Henry Dorsett Case, “You have to come out to eat and go to the bathroom.”

The McCain Bunch

Monitoring his activities in this alternate universe, they have found that the aging senator from Arizona seems to be ruling his omniverse with a lioness sidekick, and role-playing surviving the crash of a jetliner, and wandering around on a deserted island with the other survivors, wondering about what – or who – lies in the jungle.

McCain is LOST!