Hoffspace violates international internet space. Russia responds.

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The new social networking site “Hoffspace” centered around David Hasselhoff, (of Knightrider, Baywatch and drunken burger gobbling fame) has launched itself into the international internet space. Russia has declared that the Hoffs Uber-American influence on impressionable Russian youth is tantamount to a declaration of war, and will not abide the West’s encroachment into what it considers its territory.

Russia has invaded Savannah, GA, reportedly in search of the elusive actor, drawing protests and questions from Georgia locals asking on Yahoo Answers such as user Jessica B., who¬†asked “i herd on the news that rusia has invaded but i dont see them no where wats going on.”

Shar pei puppies...and oh yeah, David Hasselhoff

In a surprise move, Chuck Norris has taken up the cause of the Hoffster. This is after inflicting such serious pain on David Hasselhoff that no one cared about him anymore (until the Hoffspace and Russia invasion, that is).

What I break stays broke,” Chuck Norris responded after hearing about the rise of Hoffspace, “but this is America versus Russia, and I always side with the West.”

Chuck Norris is the baddest of bad asses, his exploit chronicled in the Urban Dictionary:

  • “Alien vs Predator” is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris’ first sexual experience.
  • While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.
  • Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.
  • In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimensions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.

Russia is in for some big trouble, especially after running over a LOLcat and turning it into LOLRoadkill. If anyone can kick Russian ass, it’s Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 100% Texan

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