Evil robotic firm unleashes “Palin-drones” on the world


Palindrones - they\'re coming!

“Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?”

Deep in a bunker somewhere up in the Great White North, an evil firm specializing in robotic technology has secretly created life-like robotic drones, and have unleashed them quietly into the world.

Nick-named “Palin-drones” these robotic menaces have been created with one objective in mind: to act as mirror-opposites of themselves. That is, they begin by assuming a normal political position, and establish firm firm convictions and opinions. Then, within the course of a small period of time (say, a presidential political election cycle), the Palin-drones quickly change their opinions and come out sharply against themselves.

Palin-drones have been known to even vote against bills they co-authored. Equipped with dual-core processors (with each processor maintaining a separate identity and political position), these drones have already fooled nearly half of the US population.

Luckily, skeptics and anyone with half a brain are able to pick out a Palin-drone from a real person. Still, to date, two top-of-the line models still exist with an objective of undermining US society.

The Maverick08

This is a drone with a curmudgeonly attitude. He often is angry and spiteful, and only smirks – not smiles. Some of his recorded reversals:

  1. The Maverick08 insisted that everyone, even “terrible killers,” “the worst kind of scum of humanity,” and detainees at Guantanamo Bay, “deserve to have some adjudication of their cases,” even if that means “releasing some of them.” He even indicated that Gitmo should be closed. He now believes the opposite.
  2. He was against waterboarding and torture until February of this year – now he’s for it.
  3. When his political opponent indicated that he wanted to go to Pakistan to fight terrorist, the Maverick08 criticized him for it – now he’s for it (wanting to follow them to the “gates of hell”)
  4. He wanted to kick Russia out of the G8, and then he didn’t, and then he did again.
  5. The Maverick08 is both for and against a “rogue state rollback”
  6. This drone once said about the war in Iraq: “We will win this conflict. We will win it easily.”Four years later he said that he knew all along that it was “probably going to be long and hard and tough.”
  7. The Maverick08 flip-flopped on a number of positions related to Social Security
  8. He was against making Martin Luther King a national holiday, now he’s for it.
  9. He was for equal rights for gays (including gay marriage) and women, but now he’s come out against it.
  10. He was for a woman’s right to choose before he was against it.

A full list of all 76 policy reversals can be found at The Carpetbagger Report.

Do geese see God?”

The HockeyMILF-o-tron

The second model, called the HockeyMILF-o-tron, was just recently unleashed on the public, and already has recorded a stunning set of reversals in position, including:

  1. She was for the “Bridge to Nowhere” before she was against it (and she still kept the money for it!)
  2. She is for women voters, but against giving them a right to choose.
  3. She was against wind-power and clean coal projects, before she was for it.
  4. She thought that Hilary Clinton was whining during the campaign, and then she praised her for her successes in the campaign.

More have been pointed out by Keith Oberman on a recent TV program:

“No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention”

Other Palin-drones are being discovered on a daily basis, since the Republican National Convention. They include

The KarlRove-o-matic (aka Pasty-head):

And the Papa-BearX8000:

Some men interpret nine memos”