Do you have too many Facebook buddies and MySpace friends? Still clinging to the hope that people will sign up for Bebo? Don’t have time to keep up with the comments, wall posts and messages? Now you can spend time in SecondLife and not worry about keeping up with all your online friends.
From the makers of Furbies comes MyBot - a cute and cuddly stuffed toy with a USB2 connection that can easily integrate into all major social networking sites.
By using patented chat-room-webcam-girl technology (all rights reserved) that can be specially tuned to your needs via semantic search algorithms, MyBot will quickly compile an internal database of all your online personal preferences. Then, turn MyBot on, and it will automatically start accepting and/or rejecting friend requests, Twitter followers, respond to wall posts and comment in a tone determined by your current online mood or status (yes, it uses Toot!).
Plus, your My Bot device will occasionally make cute noises and purrs, just to remind you it’s still working!
For only $19.99 per month, a subscription to MyBot Pro extends to IM and email applications, with a simple API for gmail, MS Outlook, MSN, Jabber and others. Get your MyBot to answer all your emails for you. This service uses an intelligent search capability which learns from any previous email exchanges (similar to Xobni) to automatically generate responses in your personal conversational style to anyone on your MyBot list. Add your casual acquaintances, irritating work colleagues, your boss or even your mom – they’ll never suspect a thing!!!
This new technology allows same-sex couples to enter a parallel universe where all expressions of love are approved of as long as they are between consenting adults, i.e. the Internet.
“Let’s face it, anyone can do just about anything online,” said Bruce, Homo Inc.’s CIO, “we are just trying to make some money off that concept.”
With a flashy interface, and downloadable “widgets”, gaiMarrij 2.0 confers all the rights of straight marriage – property inheritance, conferring health benefits to partners and miserable late-night fights over who left the toilet seat up – to gay and lesbian couples throughout the world.
Co-founder and lead developer Steve added: “gaiMarrij 2.0 creates an online social environment where our lifestyle is not just allowed, it is fully accepted as self-evidently right and correct. It’s kinda like Second Life, but a lot less scarier. And with fewer Furries.”
Details of the world premiere of this new software application were leaked to TMZ, Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight that outlined plans for many major stars to logon and create their own avatars, with a grand finale of the highly-coveted Brad and Angelina Jolie Union streamed in real-time, and finally consumating their – at times – unholy partnership.
When reached for confirmation, Brad announced, “I don’t remember saying anything about getting married to Angelina…are you sure that’s not some sort of internet hoax or satire?”
A recent raid of an abandoned warehouse in downtown Los Angeles this past weekend revealed rough drafts of a new application that intersects Web 2.0 technology with anarchy. This so-dubbed “Punksonomy” relies heavily on social-bookmarking technologies (such as Digg or Deli.cio.us) but removes all aspects of social interaction.
Users of Punksonomy troll through various websites, and “Punk” them with tags that have no relation to the page’s content, and are usually filled with vulgarities, insults and drug references. “Punking” tags are then housed in a large, centralized database administered by the Organization for the Advancement of Anarchy and Social Unrest (OAASU).
They are then disseminated to social misfits worlwide through a complex mobile phone system regulated by AT&T and Verizon. Thus, anarchy is delivered in small, uniform packets of information.
When approached Ashton Kutcher quickly stated “This has nothing to do with me – no comment.”
A gang of suspicious black-clothed, boot-wearing loiterers in the back alley were more open about the new technology:
“Yeah, I am a Punksonomist – what the f&^% are your gunna do ’bout it…” said one.
“Piss off, ya wanka – or I’ll tag you with this blade!” mentioned another.
“Utilizing Punksonomy, rather than creating a top-down taxonomy, we can create a rich heirarchically structured designed to align to informed governance and decision-making.” commented a third, just prior to downing the remainder of his malt liquor. “Urp, I just threw up in my mouth a little” he added.
With the subprime mortgage crisis comes the sinking of the Titanic, a.k.a. “America” while the Federal Reserve rearranges the deck chairs. “Chimerica” is no longer just a clever buzzword, it is a foretelling of the new retrograde technology: China 2.0 (a.k.a. the United States). The U.S is usurping China’s former role as manufacturer and exporter of cheap goods. I mean, just look at WalMart, headquarters: Bentonvile, Arkansas, USA. Or Home Depot, headquarters: Atlanta, Georgia, USA. Both offer cheap goods at a low price – something the former China (China 1.0) was known for.
The US is leveraged to the gills. During the real estate boom, homeowners were offered 125% the value of their homes. Now, do you think it is good business to loan people more than the collateral is worth to people who can’t pay back over-leveraged homes? No wonder foreclosures are falling like depth charges, blowing up central banks like so many submarines. Even the Federal Reserve can only juggle so many potential bank failures.
The good thing is that China 2.0 manufacturers can now send their cheap goods overseas – to China! (a.k.a. America 2.0). The retrograde technology of China 2.0 is to benefit America by riding the coattails of the huge China boom. By lowering the costs of our goods, we can now cater to the increasingly upscale tastes of the new Chinese upper and middle classes. Now, they can look to the west to get their iPods and iPhones and iEverythings! America 2.0 (China) never looked so good!
Is It Real? is a Sunday feature on yooRyoo where we introduce a new Web 2.0 company and ask you to decide whether or not the company is indeed real, or if it is something we made up. We’ll give you the company name, a description of the services and any additional detail that we think might be helpful for you to decide.
Your role is to review the company, and without the help of Google or any other online source, determine if it is real. Vote with the poll below – polls will be open until Friday, in which we’ll reveal the answer in that Friday’s Fishwrap.
So, without further ado, here is this week’s company: Ribbit – an Open Platform for Telephony Innovation…
Ribbit’s team is comprised of traditional telephony experts, “Voice 2.0″ experts as well as various web development, social media and infrastructure experts.
Ribbit is an open platform for telephony innovation giving their developers unprecedented access to their technology through the Ribbit API and allowing them to innovate at will. Their business is built more like a software company than a phone company, counting on their developers to create the next generation communications solutions the world has been waiting for.
Their first product is called “Amphibian” which allows users to manage mobile voicemal like email through widgits in iGoogle and Facebook, and “Experience Caller ID 2.0 – dip into the social web and know not just who is calling but what the caller has been doing.”
So, Is It Real? fans….Is Ribbit real? Vote below, and let us know your thoughts. Answer revealed this Friday!
Is the company Ribbit real?
Yes - Ribbit is so useful, as has such a solid business model...it must be real! (67%, 6 Votes)
No Way - there is no way Ribbit is real. If it was, I'd just croak! (22%, 2 Votes)
Maybe - I could see the appeal of Ribbit, but I am not sure. (11%, 1 Votes)
After the recent incendiary and possibly racist remarks by Jesse “I want to cut his nuts off” Jackson, and Obama’s former preacher, Pieceout has created a technology that translates hatespeech within the Obama (supposed) supporters, into truly supportive, non-incendiary, politically correct and non-offensive speech. The new technology has been dubbed “J’Obama 2.0″
J’Obama 2.0 is a combination of VoIP and voice-recognition software (similar to the technology used for speech recognition applications include voice dialing (e.g., “ET phone home”), call routing (e.g., “I would like to make a booty call”), and in aircraft cockpits usually termed Direct Voice Input (e.g., “Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.”)
The political dialog in this age of 24 hour media coverage has gotten to the point where we must not only watch our language; we must learn to use our language in a positive and supportive manner. And when we can’t, it’s J’Obama 2.0 to the rescue!
Much like how the Neo-Conservatist united their party under extremist rhetoric and Rush Limbaugh “Dittoheads” Obama supporters have to speak with one voice – united. A translation device utilizes this new way of talking by co-opting the language of our oppressors through the J’Obama technology will aid us in expressing ourselves in a people positive manner. J’Obama the translation technology will lead the way!
What we need to be careful of is avoiding the type of heckling that arose with the use of Ebonics. Ebonics, a valid English based dialect was characterized as a dumbing down of the English Language – a throwback to bad english and slang-ridden pseudo-language. This misinterpretation of a rich and varied dialect of English has reduced it to the level of jokes told during Late Night talk shows and sound bites. In order to fight this tendency of the hegemony to put-down and belittle what they do not understand, J’Obama 2.0 is here as a multi-faceted tool to aid in the unification of the black men and women that publicly state that they support Obama.
The name “J’Obama” refers to a sort of mashup between Jesse Jackson and Obama. On the one hand it speaks to the roots of addressing the kind of careless statements said when thought of as off-mike when in reality they were said inadvertently into a live one (e.g. “Barack, he’s talking down to black people…”). On the other, it addresses the hope of a black man as a candidate for the president of the United States embodied by Senator Obama. Different modules address different audiences using the J’Obama 2.0 technology suite
The translation device is worn around the neck and instantaneously scrubs outgoing speech by the user and translates it into meaningful and supportive phrases. Some examples:
”I want to cut his nuts off” translates to: ”I support Obama 100%”
”America Has Murdered Innocent People & God Damn America!” translates to: “I support America’s troops, but not our countries policies.”
The direct translation mode involves a miniturized microphone connected to hardware that directly translates hatespeech to what you ‘really meant’ (often recounted later at an apologetic press conference).
In a surprise announcement at the World Wide Clock Manufacturing (WWCM) conference, Steve Jobs’s keynote revealed Apple’s plan to enter into the time-providing industry with the upcoming release of iclock. Built on the ever-popular Shuffle form factor, iclock is designed to provide exclusive updates to the time (as well as hold up to 1 hour of music). To receive updates to time, users will have to subscribe through iTunes to receive AAIC content time content. These unique feeds allows users to fast-forward through unpopular hours (8:00am on Monday mornings) to the time they desire (5:00pm on Friday).
“Apple is delivering reality to the old adage ‘It’s 5′clock somewhere’…with the iclock, it really can be 5 o’clock ANYWHERE.” said Jobs, “The days of boring meetings are over – iclock can take you right to the time you want, whenever you want it.”
In addition to delivering standard hour/min/sec updates, the iclock can be configured to deliver audible voice-overs from well-known celebrities. With the initial release, artists such as Metallica, REM and Madonna have already agreed to lend their voices to the iclock.
In a quick response to this announcement, Coldplay has already announced plans to release DRM-free time updates via their website, available for download – at whatever the price users think fair.
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