yooRyoo.com

Senator Ted Stevens is the latest fallout from the discovery of Palin-drones in our nation’s government. Last week, Sen. Stevens - from Alaska - was convicted on corruption charges stemming from over $250,000 in home renovations (along with a massage chair, dog…).

Yet, begging incredulity, at this writing, Sen. Stevens might be possibly re-elected in Alaska, making him the only sitting Senator to be a convicted felon. How could that be? The answer is simple -  Senator Ted Stevens is (yes, you guessed it!) a Palin-Drone (remember Palin-drones?)!!!

That’s where Emmit comes in…Emmit is a Blade Runner (made famous by the movie of the same name). His old job was to retire Replicants; now he retires Palin-Drones. Having been appointed a US District Court Judge, Emmit was assigned to the Senator’s case:

Bryant: I need ya, Ems. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

Emmit: [narrating] They don’t advertise for killers in the newspaper. That was my profession. Ex-cop. Ex-blade runner. Ex-killer. Now, I’m just a judge taking down “Palin-drones”…

Emmit could stand the reversals on political viewpoints, even reversals in voting, but what he couldn’t stand by to watch was a rogue Palin-Drone, seemingly in it just for the graft: Senator Ted Stevens. What follows is testimony from last week’s closing deliberations in the Sen. Stevens trial:

U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: [Emmet explains to Ted why he can't extend his Senate term] The facts of life… to make an alteration in the specifics of an organic legal system is fatal. A coding sequence cannot be revised once it’s been established.
Ted Stevens:Why not?
U.S. District Judge Emmit Sullivan: Because by the second day of deliberation, any Palin-Drones that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship sinks.
Ted Stevens:What about EMS recombination?
Emmit: We’ve already tried it - abuse of power, voter tampering, looking the other way while an American city drowns as an alkalating agent and potent mutagen; it created a virus so lethal the subject was dead before it even left the table.
Stevens: Then a repressor protein; that would block the operating Palin-Drones.
Emmit: Wouldn’t obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication so that the newly formed DNA strand carries with it a mutation, and you’ve got a virus again… but this, all of this is academic. You were made as well as we could make you.
Stevens: But not to last.
Emmit: The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly, Ted. Look at you, you’re a US Senator; you’re quite a prize.
Stevens: I’ve done… questionable things.
Emmit: Also extraordinary things; revel in your time.
Stevens: Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn’t put you in heaven for.

As of this writing, Senator Ted Stevens has still eluded being “retired” by Emmit - or as Emmit put it “He went rogue on us…just like that hot chick that ran for VP - and I don’t mean Darryl Hannah.” The Palin-drone Stevens remains on the loose, dangerous, and defiant.

When attempted to reach for comment, Sarah Palin was busy on the phone: presumably talking to the heads of foreign countries… (Audio here)

Related posts

• Palindrone - special election update: When Robots Attack (0)
• New Online Political Poll finds 97% of the country hasn’t been polled (2)
• Friday Fishwrap (10-24-08): GW Bush endorses McCain/Palin - with Will Ferrill and Tina Fey (0)
• Evil robotic firm unleashes “Palin-drones” on the world (2)
• The Palin Patch takes the “shrill” out (1)

A sincere plea from yooRyoo today: it’s an important election day. Please - whatever you do - get out there and vote. Even if you have to wait in line a few hours…please vote!!! It’s worth it!

The “ghost is in the machine”…so if you are voting on a machine, make sure that ghost is representing you. Make your vote count!!!

Make sure to carefully watch your ballot for accuracy. Here is an actual flimed testimony of how the machines can easily be “non-calibrated” and cast the wrong vote:

Here’s Homer’s take on it:

Related posts

• New Online Political Poll finds 97% of the country hasn’t been polled (2)
• McCain follows Obama’s lead - inserts campaign ads into Xbox 360 games (5)
• Yo’ Bama - a surprising mash-up between technology and politics (1)
• The ‘G’ in G1 Phone stands for ‘Grok,’and now it’s time to ‘Grok the vote!’ (0)
• The Palin Patch takes the “shrill” out (1)

In this particular heated election year, a rise of online political polling has spread like a virus on the internet. At any given count, there are hundreds…yea, thousands…of online political polls dedicated to parsing numbers and voters, left and right, depending on how the wind blows.

Along with the rise of these polls, came the rise of political polling techniques - opinion polling, early voting polling, phone call polling, online popularity polls. Every major news organization - and even Fox News - has created their own polling techniques, not to mention fancy electronic boards to display their information in their news casts.

To that end, ostensibly, Picken & McCracken, leading researchers and statisticians (famous for their recent study that 67% of all web statistics are made up on the spot) have applied a Noble-prize winning technique and weighed in on the latest political polls.

Using state-of-the-art techniques, Picken & McCracken have employed, phones, cell-phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, IM and a host of other online techniques, and reached out to virtually every American in a short period of time. They compiled their results and just published their latest election poll numbers:

• 97% of all Americans have never participated in any election poll
• Of those 97% of people, 73.4% of them responded to Picken and McCracken’s poll and their first statement was “Oh crap… now I participated in a poll. Can I switch sides?”
• 13% of all American can’t make simple decisions like: skim milk or cream in my coffee, Subway or Quiznos for lunch, should I take Sally to dance class or Billy to practice? Inevitably, these same 13% are found right in front of you in the checkout lane at the supermarket
• States like Ohio are virtually split 50/50 with every decision they have to make (Picken brought up the 2005 Ohio Baskin Robbins “Chocolate or Vanilla” vote, in which “Chocolate” won by 3 votes)
• While Politicians focus on certain states to statistically win Electoral Votes like Ohio, Florida, and this year, Pennsylvania and Colorado, voters in those non “swing states” have a more enjoyable TV viewing experience, not having to ignore campaign commercials

Upon its release today, this study is expected to change the political polling landscape today. When asked for it’s impact, most major news outlets dismissed the study by stating: “You can’t believe those polls, anyway…now, back to our latest poll results…”

Meanwhile, the US Voters are nonplussed.

Related posts

• Emmit the Blade Runner to “retire” Palin-drones (1)
• McCain follows Obama’s lead - inserts campaign ads into Xbox 360 games (5)
• Evil robotic firm unleashes “Palin-drones” on the world (2)
• The ‘G’ in G1 Phone stands for ‘Grok,’and now it’s time to ‘Grok the vote!’ (0)
• The Palin Patch takes the “shrill” out (1)

Poor Rick Astley never gets a break in this Web 2.0 world. After suddenly re-appearing on the pop scene last year due to a surge of “rick-rolling” on YouTube, Mr. Astley was rediscovered by millions of new listeners throughout the world. The demand for his techno-pop-synth sounds soared, so much so that he announced his plan to tour Japan and the Far East, digging up his 80’s pseudo-music catalog for newer, younger audiences.

Just when the money began rolling back to Rick Astley’s pockets, a newer internet craze surfaced on the web, a craze designed to humiliate this singer of such hits as “Never Gonna Give You Up” and “Together Forever”….Roll Ricking.

Roll Ricking is a malicious prank targeting Rick Astley directly - just as he takes to the stage and the opening strains of his Number 1 hits flow from the computer banks (doubling as his band), large screens drop from the ceilings, and different videos begin showing inane video clips such as:

• LOLcats montages
• videos of people inadvertently taking a hit to their crotch
• naked webcam girls that want to get freaky with you - FREE!
• clothed webcam girls that want to mildly suggest things to do with you - FREE!
• other people singing “Never Gonna Give You Up” in Karaoke

These video events are subsequently filmed and uploaded back to YouTube.

Rick Astley caught on tape at a latest concert

Already humiliated at four concerts in Japan and Hong Kong, Rick Astley has been quoted as stating: “This is enough - there’s only so much this One (maybe Two) Hit Wonder of the 80’s can take - I’m quitting touring for good.” After blowing his nose, he added: “Besides, I just got offered a hosting job at VH-1 for their new reality/trivia/nostalgia program: “Growing up with Denise Richards in the I Love the 80’s Rock of Love game show.”

YouTube viewers, when reached for comment, left more than 4,000 smarmy responses on voicemail - maybe two or three of them relevant and/or funny.

Related posts

• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)
• OnStarbucks - caffeine in an emergency (0)
• It’s time to Toot! (5)
• Is It Real #6: Hoffspace - social networking around David Hasselhoff (5)
• Hoffspace violates international internet space. Russia responds. (1)

Happy Sunday, yooRyoo followers. As you know, every Sunday we like to bring you a feature called “Is It Real?” - where we present a web 2.0 company or technology, give you a brief overview of the product, and then ask you to decide if it’s real or not. We reveal the answer to you on Friday, so you have a whole week to vote!

Here’s the catch: you can’t use the web in any way to determine if the company is real or not. You just have to guess, based on what’s presented of you. So, without any more ado, here is this Sunday’s “Is It Real?“…

As you know Facebook allows members to gather together under formal “groups” - thus, proclaiming your likeness with other denizens of this social network. To that end, Facebook users have created a group called “I Tend to Fart in Public” with the following description:

This is a group for sharing horror stories about farting in a socially unacceptable setting. it’s happened to all of us and we could all use a safe place to talk about it.

There are currently 23 members of this group, but once the word gets out, they expect an explosive rise in new members…

Is "I Tend to Fart in Public" a real Facebook group?

• Maybe - because when I fart in public, I let out silent ones...so no one knows it's me (67%, 2 Votes)
• Yes - since I tend to fart in public all the time, this must be a real group (33%, 1 Votes)
• No - I can't imagine ever farting in public...I always do it in the privacy of my office, home or car. (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 3

 Loading ...

Related posts

• Sickr - Flickr for senior citizens and dead people (1)
• OnStarbucks - caffeine in an emergency (0)
• Is It Real #8: MyGlu - “gluing” together your social networks applications (0)
• Is It Real #6: Hoffspace - social networking around David Hasselhoff (5)
• Is It Real #1 - “WhoIsI”…? (1)

Happy Friday, everyone. So glad the weekend is almost here! This Friday Fishwrap celebrated the start of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Bejing, as well as reveals to you the results of last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” Let’s get started…

Last Sunday in our “Is It Real?” feature, we presented to you a Twitter application that allows you to be an online poseur, automatically research the followers of your “Twitter hero” and recommending to you which ones you should be stalking…er, following. Then we asked if this application - Twannabe - is indeed real.

• 50% of you thought it was real
• 50% thought it was fake

In reality, Twannabe is a REAL APPLICATION. Don’t believe me, check it out yourself: www.twannabe.com

Congratulations to those that guessed correctly. So, without further ado, here is today’s Olympic-themed Friday-Fishwrap video: Funny Olympic Videos…

Related posts

• Is It Real #9: the iHologram (1)
• Is It Real #6: Hoffspace - social networking around David Hasselhoff (5)
• Is It Real #4: “Twannabe” - be a poseur on Twitter! (2)
• Is It Real #12: LegalForce - social networking for lawyers (0)
• Is It Real #11: McCain’s new iPhone application - “Grumpier Old Man” (1)

Idea submitted by Dave Moore

Do you have too many Facebook buddies and MySpace friends? Still clinging to the hope that people will sign up for Bebo? Don’t have time to keep up with the comments, wall posts and messages? Now you can spend time in SecondLife and not worry about keeping up with all your online friends.

From the makers of Furbies comes MyBot - a cute and cuddly stuffed toy with a USB2 connection that can easily integrate into all major social networking sites.

By using patented chat-room-webcam-girl technology (all rights reserved) that can be specially tuned to your needs via semantic search algorithms, MyBot will quickly compile an internal database of all your online personal preferences. Then, turn MyBot on, and it will automatically start accepting and/or rejecting friend requests, Twitter followers, respond to wall posts and comment in a tone determined by your current online mood or status (yes, it uses Toot!).

Plus, your My Bot device will occasionally make cute noises and purrs, just to remind you it’s still working!

For only $19.99 per month, a subscription to MyBot Pro extends to IM and email applications, with a simple API for gmail, MS Outlook, MSN, Jabber and others. Get your MyBot to answer all your emails for you. This service uses an intelligent search capability which learns from any previous email exchanges (similar to Xobni) to automatically generate responses in your personal conversational style to anyone on your MyBot list. Add your casual acquaintances, irritating work colleagues, your boss or even your mom - they’ll never suspect a thing!!!

Related posts

• Friday Fishwrap: Social Networking Wars (1)
• Crapulous - the newest Facebook game application from Hasbro (0)
• Is It Real #8: MyGlu - “gluing” together your social networks applications (0)
• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)
• The ‘G’ in G1 Phone stands for ‘Grok,’and now it’s time to ‘Grok the vote!’ (0)

With the much-reported “celebritization” of same-sex marriages by the ever-popular Brangelina (Brad Pitt: “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able“), the quick-rising San Francisco based HomoWeb Inc. has just released their first Web 2.0 technology entitled “gaiMarrij 2.0”

This new technology allows same-sex couples to enter a parallel universe where all expressions of love are approved of as long as they are between consenting adults, i.e. the Internet.

“Let’s face it, anyone can do just about anything online,” said Bruce, Homo Inc.’s CIO, “we are just trying to make some money off that concept.”

With a flashy interface, and downloadable “widgets”, gaiMarrij 2.0 confers all the rights of straight marriage - property inheritance, conferring health benefits to partners and miserable late-night fights over who left the toilet seat up - to gay and lesbian couples throughout the world.

Co-founder and lead developer Steve added: “gaiMarrij 2.0 creates an online social environment where our lifestyle is not just allowed, it is fully accepted as self-evidently right and correct. It’s kinda like Second Life, but a lot less scarier. And with fewer Furries.”

Details of the world premiere of this new software application were leaked to TMZ, Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight that outlined plans for many major stars to logon and create their own avatars, with a grand finale of the highly-coveted Brad and Angelina Jolie Union streamed in real-time, and finally consumating their - at times - unholy partnership.

When reached for confirmation, Brad announced, “I don’t remember saying anything about getting married to Angelina…are you sure that’s not some sort of internet hoax or satire?”

Related posts

• Is It Real - Special Edition: OMG - It IS real!!! (2)
• Friday Fishwrap (8-15-08): The Rise and Fall of Twitter (1)
• yooRyoo featured on Daily Giz Wiz (0)
• Yo’ Bama - a surprising mash-up between technology and politics (1)
• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)

A recent raid of an abandoned warehouse in downtown Los Angeles this past weekend revealed rough drafts of a new application that intersects Web 2.0 technology with anarchy. This so-dubbed “Punksonomy” relies heavily on social-bookmarking technologies (such as Digg or Deli.cio.us) but removes all aspects of social interaction.

Users of Punksonomy troll through various websites, and “Punk” them with tags that have no relation to the page’s content, and are usually filled with vulgarities, insults and drug references. “Punking” tags are then housed in a large, centralized database administered by the Organization for the Advancement of Anarchy and Social Unrest (OAASU).

They are then disseminated to social misfits worlwide through a complex mobile phone system regulated by AT&T and Verizon. Thus, anarchy is delivered in small, uniform packets of information.

When approached Ashton Kutcher quickly stated “This has nothing to do with me - no comment.”

A gang of suspicious black-clothed, boot-wearing loiterers in the back alley were more open about the new technology:

• “Yeah, I am a Punksonomist - what the f&^% are your gunna do ’bout it…” said one.
• “Piss off, ya wanka - or I’ll tag you with this blade!” mentioned another.
• “Utilizing Punksonomy, rather than creating a top-down taxonomy, we can create a rich heirarchically structured designed to align to informed governance and decision-making.” commented a third, just prior to downing the remainder of his malt liquor. “Urp, I just threw up in my mouth a little” he added.

Related posts

• TagTagg - a social bookmarking mashup (0)
• Yo’ Bama - a surprising mash-up between technology and politics (1)
• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)
• OnStarbucks - caffeine in an emergency (0)
• It’s time to Toot! (5)

With the subprime mortgage crisis comes the sinking of the Titanic, a.k.a. “America” while the Federal Reserve rearranges the deck chairs. “Chimerica” is no longer just a clever buzzword, it is a foretelling of the new retrograde technology: China 2.0 (a.k.a. the United States). The U.S is usurping China’s former role as manufacturer and exporter of cheap goods. I mean, just look at WalMart, headquarters: Bentonvile, Arkansas, USA. Or Home Depot, headquarters: Atlanta, Georgia, USA. Both offer cheap goods at a low price - something the former China (China 1.0) was known for.

The US is leveraged to the gills. During the real estate boom, homeowners were offered 125% the value of their homes. Now, do you think it is good business to loan people more than the collateral is worth to people who can’t pay back over-leveraged homes? No wonder foreclosures are falling like depth charges, blowing up central banks like so many submarines. Even the Federal Reserve can only juggle so many potential bank failures.

The good thing is that China 2.0 manufacturers can now send their cheap goods overseas - to China! (a.k.a. America 2.0). The retrograde technology of China 2.0 is to benefit America by riding the coattails of the huge China boom. By lowering the costs of our goods, we can now cater to the increasingly upscale tastes of the new Chinese upper and middle classes. Now, they can look to the west to get their iPods and iPhones and iEverythings! America 2.0 (China) never looked so good!

Related posts

• OnStarbucks - caffeine in an emergency (0)
• Friday Fishwrap: Life 2.0 and is the MiPhone Real? (2)
• Yahoo! changing it’s name to Hasta la Vista, Baby! (1)
• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)
• It’s time to Toot! (5)