yooRyoo.com

A new study released today by Picken & McCracken found that more than 95% of people using Google to search often type in crazy search terms, just to see what results they’ll find.

“I am not sure if they are trying to game the system, or just simply are playing a massive multi-player search engine game (MMPSEG) with Google,” said George Picken, author of the study,  “Either way, the search engine results are just downright whack.”

Co-author Calvin McCracken observed, “Do these people expect to yield actual results based on their search terms? Maybe they’re trying to mess with Google’s search algorythms.”

The study results have proven to be true in real life examples. Over the past year, leading social media/web 2.0 satire site www.yooRyoo.com has been tracking Google search terms that lead people to their website. Just today, they released their Top 20 List of actual search terms that led users to their site:

20  – horse industrial revolution

19 – vpilf clone

18 – shopping senior citizens pictures

17 – “webcam girl” rules “never look”

16 – sharpei pups

15 – elderly + web2.0+use

14 – what happens when you smoke crack

13 – how do you reach senior citizens

12 – rick astley 2008 president

11 – scary chuck norris pictures

10 – what do Americans think about Nigerians

9 – chuck norris kick

8 – “don’t screw around with me maverick”

7 – booty social network

6 – create a virtual turd

5 – yahoo is a suckass liberal trash

4 – sexy naked furbies

3 – japanese, girl, fartng

2 – engine that runs on furbies

1 – steve jobs naked

“It just doesn’t make sense,” stated yooRyoo on their blog posting today, “Are people really typing in these things into Google? And how are these terms leading to us? Don’t web searchers have anything better to do?”

Picken and McCracken were rumored to be smug about their findings.

Nothing beats a cool smoothie in the heat of the summer…nothing that is, except for high organic search results and a bump in page rank! That’s why the founders of Google have joined forces with the creators of Jamba Juice to provide nutritious, delicious, frozen concoctions with a burst of SEO goodness in every sip.

Under the working term “Google Juice,” this concept store combines thirty different fresh fruits, wheatgrass and completely legal over-the-counter health additives with inlinks, optimized on-page content and XML sitemaps. Served over in-store wireless networks, Google Juice will extract relevant demographic information from your credit card, and “serve-up” your personal or business website as an authoritative page.

“We’ve taken the concept of organic search to an entirely new level,” said one in-store, assistant night-manager at a local Google Juice store, “Everything here is certified pesticide-free…no fruits were purchased from any link-farms.”

As Google Juice concept stores roll-out throughout the country, numerous fanboy sites have already sprung up, including the Google Juice blog, the Google Juice UK blog, and the North American Man Google Juice Love Association.

Google and Jamba Juice representatives, when contacted for their opinion, promptly hung the phone up without speaking to us.

In an effort to rebuff the latest bid by Microsoft, Yahoo announced late today a surprising new mash-up, intended to bring together technology and politics once and for all. Aligning with democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Yahoo’s shareholders thumbed their nose at Jerry Yang by revealing  “Yo’ Bama” – a search engine with attitude.

“Yo’ Bama combines the natural search algorithms of the Yahoo! search engine with the elegance of an Obama speech, and delivers a natural, believable search experience that gives web searchers hope and inspiration” claims an anonymous ValleyWag blogger that had recently been “let go” due to undisclosed circumstances. “Just type in a simple search string like ‘Brangelina’s Twins” and Yo’ Bama’s search results will yield only relevant, intelligent results related to the injustices in Darfur, and the economic impact of drilling in Anwar.”

Screen shot of Yo’Bama search

This new, “improved” way to search caused an immediate ripple of excitement throughout the technology community – also causing a major backlash from detractors.

• Rev. Jesse Jackson was nonplussed, uttering epithets under his breath while on camera and microphoned.
• 99% of internet websites have immediately launched an online petition to grant themselves access to the search results of Yo’Bama.

The Obama camp has remained mysteriously silent about the proposed merger, but remaining Yahoo executives have been caught flashing gang signs at Steve Ballmer’s offices on the Microsoft campus.

Try Yo’ Bama search here….

In alignment with the film Terminator, whose story of man’s battle with machines mirrors Yahoo!’s own, Yahoo! is planning to change their name to “Hasta la Vista, baby!”

“We had so many executives leave the company in the past few months that instead of ignoring the problem we decided to meet it head on in the most public way possible: a company name change,” says Yahoo! CEO Jerry Yang. The new NASDAQ symbol will be GBYE.

Carl Icahn is reportedly pissed, as he was betting on the bankability of the Yahoo! name (before rendering the search engine directory company into tiny bits before feeding it to the Microsoft machinery). Jerry Yang reportedly was heard screaming at Carl ”The Buzzsaw” Icahn, “Get your damn dirty paws off me you filthy ape!” (Other reports were that his statement was directed to Steve “The Mangler” Ballmer.)

This is a sad ending to what was once one of the rising stars of the internet.  The dominant search engine, Google, built it’s search algorithm on the burial mound of Yahoo, casting away the human element of a person selected search directory to one that is mechanical, algorithm driven:

The future has not been written. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. I wish I could believe that. My name is Jerry Yang, they tried to murder me before I was born, when I was 13 they tried again. Machines from the future. Algorithm driven search engines. All my life my mother told me the storm was coming, Judgment Day, the beginning of the war between man and machines. Three billion lives would vanish in an instant, and I would lead what was left of Yahoo to ultimate victory. It hasn’t happened, no bombs fell, computers didn’t take control, we stopped Judgment Day. I should feel safe, but I don’t, so I live off the grid – no phone, no address, no one and nothing can find me. I’ve erased all connections to the past, but as hard as I try I can’t erase my dreams, my nightmares.

- Jerry Yang,  CEO,  Hasta la Vista, Baby! 

And now Yahoo!, that human driven search directory, is being persuaded to join the creators of the “brains” behind the personal computers of the world: Microsoft. I ask you: can Judgement Day be far behind?

By the time Microsoft became self-aware it had spread into millions of computer servers across the planet. Ordinary computers in office buildings, dorm rooms; everywhere. It was software; in cyberspace. There was no system core; it could not be shutdown. The attack began at 6:18 PM, just as he said it would. Judgment Day, the day the human driven directory was almost destroyed by the weapons they’d built to protect themselves. I should have realized it was never our destiny to stop Judgment Day, it was merely to survive it, together. Steve Jobs knew; he tried to tell us, but I didn’t want to hear it. Maybe the future has been written. I don’t know; all I know is what the Steve Jobs taught me; never stop fighting. And I never will. The battle has just begun.

- Jerry Yang,  CEO, Hasta la Vista, Baby!

 Will Yahoo! (er, I mean Hasta la Vista, Baby!) survive the takeover attempt by Carl Icahn and Microsoft? Can Jerry Yang forestall Judgement Day?

Oh my God. I’m back. I’m home. All the time, it was… We finally really did it.
[screaming]
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

 
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List of Yahoo! brain trust leaving Yahoo! for other (better?) digs:

• Jeff Weiner, head of its network division
• Vish Makhijani, general manager of its search business
• Qi Lu, leading engineer for its Panama search marketing platform
• Stewart Butterfield and Caterina Fake, founders of the photo-sharing service Flickr
• Joshua Schachter, founder of social bookmarking tool, Delicious.
• Brad Garlinghouse, a senior vice-president, who famously wrote the 2006 “peanut-butter manifesto” which accused Yahoo! of lacking focus, has also left.

To Be Continued…