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A few weeks ago, yooRyoo ran an exclusive feature on a small robotic firm located on the icy tundra in Alaska that unleased horrific Palindrones on the “lower 48.” These drones took the disguise of Republican operatives and political candidates, and reversed themselves on every position possible.

One tenacious viewer from Southern California just sent yooRyoo a link to candid, underground footage of these robots stripped bare of their false skins, and utlizing state-of-the-art telephony technology to continue to dominate the world. Whether their rogues or mavericks or just plain divas, yooRyoo now presents: When Robots Attack!!!!

The McCain camp, after learning this past weekend that not only was Colin Powell supporting his opponent, but that Barack Obama has raised a record breaking $150M in campaign funds last month, has thrown all caution to the wind with their online advertising buys.

Similar to last week’s fiasco of purchasing in-game advertising on the Xbox 360, the McCain/Palin campaign is putting out all stops in purchasing online banner ads in any available ad space (like yooRyoo – see the ad in the lower right hand part of this very page!). Unfortunately, true to McCain’s “maverick” style and impetuous decision-making skills, he has gotten it all wrong again.

Rather than have our readers scour the web for samples of these misplaced, misspoken and highly-unusual ads, yooRyoo has gathered them here for your convenience:

In a miscalculation, even the click-through URLs of these ads are reportedly wrong, sending users to sites such as VPILF.com, the Sarah Palin Blog and Sarah Palin as President!

In a surprise twist, Republican Vice Presidential Palin-drone robotic candidate Sarah Palin has decided to launch a web-exclusive imitation of Tina Fey doing an impression of the Palin-drone robot Sarah Palin.

“It’s uncanny the way the latest software update in the Palin-drone Sarah has been able to imitate Tina Fey, a certifiable comic genius, as she is herself imitating the Palin-drone Sarah Palin,” responded Melissa Shuffield, the McCain Press Secretary. “She really has it down, the folksy way she drops the “g” endings when she speaks, the way she acts a little dumb and condescending to rural voters, bringing up Joe Six Pack and Joe the “I make $250,000 and don’t want to pay an extra $1,500 in taxes” Plumber.”

In fact, Sarah Palin’s recent appearance on Saturday Night Live as Tina Fey imitating vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin appeared flawless:

Some pundits say that the Palin-drone Sarah unwittingly played into the hands of the media elite as she basically took part in skewering herself. Tina Fey was overheard to remark, “It was as if we were barbecuing her and she offered to do the basting.” Ms. Fey added, “Now, wait a second…did you say she was a robot?”

Recently, some conspiracy blogs “revealed” that Sarah Palin was actually a Palin-drone, a kind of backtracking type of robot that imitates the candidates with the goal of reversing their previous public record remarks when it suits them politically. It seems that additional functionality has them sabotaging their own campaigns.

In a related note, the aforementioned “conspiracy site” theory regarding the Palin-drones has been verified as extending throughout the Republican ranks, with pundits and politicos on the right side of the aisle taking on extreme opposing positions – even support of candidates. The latest of which was seen on yesterday’s Meet the Press, when the Colin-drone revealed his support for the presidency:

By now, you may have already heard the news that the Obama campaign has started inserting campaign ads into console video games (if you haven’t read the scoop at GigaOm here).

Actual Obama ad in Xbox 360 racing game “Burnout Paradise”

As always, the McCain campaign responded quickly yesterday by releasing news that their campaign will also begin in-game advertising as part of his desperate attempt to appeal to young people – sometimes by even buying the same advertising space!! Here are a list of proposed placements for McCain ads:

McCain ad in “FIFA ’07″

McCain/Palin 08 ad in “Burnout Paradise”

McCain issue ad in “GTA IV”

As noticed by many observers, during the last presidential debate, the Democratic candidate seemed rational, giving real world answers to questions, while his opponent was lost in thought, uttering platitudes and generalizations to real-life problems (i.e. “we’re the best innovators, we’re the best producers” and how “we will succeed and we will bring our troops home with honor and victory and not in defeat”).

A Silicon Valley company – iWear – quietly issued a press release this week, as a means of explanation. “The reason John McCain waxed poetically about seemingly random non sequitors in the last debate is due to a new technology that we created. Entitled Telepromptya, this device is a surgical contact lens implant that is grafted to the wearer’s corneas. Then, from a remotely controlled wi-fi device – like an iPhone – users can project teleprompted text and other related images onto the surface of the eye. If done properly, this device can inspire and help set tones and subtleties in speeches and debates…even for presumably losing candidates.”

As an example, the company notes that Sarah Palin used it in the Vice Presidential debate, in order not to fail as spectacularly as she did during candid (and non-teleprompted) interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. “They call it ‘gotcha journalism’ but really it was because we were still perfecting the device,” Abi Normal, CEO of iWear noted. “We had endless loops and null divisions – it was a mess. When we tried it out on a second tester – Tina Fey for her SNL skit – we reran the same software version. The effect, while still way off, was uncanny.”

“We finally had to do a complete rebuild, in order to get basic functionality…and that’s what Sarah ran with for the VP debate – the basic version” added Mr. Normal.

In the case of John McCain, a special image set was created, with images of waving flags and George Washington crossing the Delaware projected onto his retinas. This allowed the Republican candidate to wax even more poetically (and jingoistically) for nearly twenty minutes during the last debate:

“That’s what America’s all about. I believe in this country. I believe in its future. I believe in its greatness. It’s been my great honor to serve it for many, many years…I like grandmothers and baseball and puppies and apple pie. I like puppy pie, too, and grandmothers hitting home runs while Washington cuts down cherry trees and vows never to tell a lie…

Future revisions of Telepromptya include the following preset themes:

• Sarah Palin draped in an American Flag (and nothing else) – NOTE: this model has already been pre-ordered by millions of Republican men in the US
• Images of Barack Obama on the campaign trail with text from JFK’s “Ich Bin Ein Berliner” speech
• Images of Fred Thompson’s Hollywood roles and character, with the abridged text from Camus’ The Plague

Confronted with the possibility that Sarah Palin may possibly become the Vice President of the United States, a Silicon Valley technological manufacturing firm has developed a state-of-the art patch to cut out the shrill notes when Governor Palin is speaking.

This will become available in February, to coincide with the February 17, 2009 date when all television signals change from analog to digital (as well as the same date that the Cthuhlu old gods using the digital signal as a gateway to enter the earth plane and destroy the universe).

What the technology does is similar to what happens with MP3s” says the Palin Patch creator, Kip Fraunhofer. “It cuts out the irritating shrill notes that are audible to the human ear. What we’ve found with Palin, though, is that once you remove the shrill notes all you are left with is folksy sayings, parroted memorized phrases, winks and the occasional head cock. Hardly worth listening to at that point.”

A similar development effort is underway to replace all utterances of the word “Maverick” with white noise. The McCain campaign responded with: “White Noise? Are you attempting to pull the race card?”

Happy Friday, everyone! Every Friday, yooRyoo posts a few fun, online videos that will help you make it through the day and safely into the weekend. This week has been a rocky one with the financial news, but luckily one exciting technical bit of news was reveal – we finally found out who invented the Blackberry!!

No, it’s not the Canadian firm Research in Motion – it’s republican presidential nominate, John McCain (presumably when he was still alive)!!

Needless to say, Al Gore was nonplussed with the news. And Sarah Palin, when asked for comment, remarked “He invented Blackberries? Wow – and I just baked a pie full of them! He’s a genius!”

To celebrate this great advancement, yooRyoo presents a series of videos on this significant accomplishment – enjoy and have a great weekend!

John McCain Blackberry Ad

John McCain Genius Ad

Fans of Gene Rodenberry are delighted to hear that the 2008 presidential campaign has finally see the release of a previously top-secret “Palindome.” With the release of this incredible device, once marginalized members of society finally have a chance to win the candidacy of the President or Vice President of the United States.

Each marginalized demographic (women, black men, Irish-Americans, semi-senile senior citizens and even white trailer-trash from Alaska) has its pundits and believers.

It is common knowledge that candidates can’t be all things to all people. John Edwards (formerly running for the Democratic nomination) had the frustration of not being able to convincingly stand for the black or women’s vote. Mrs. Edwards explained that they “…can’t make John black, or a woman” (it is noted that he was able to be an adulterer, but we digress).

Now, with Palindome, they can.

Much like Star Trek’s Holodeck, the Palindome was created by government scientists that labored on the device for well over two decades. With the release of Windows Vista, they finally found a stable OS to run the sophisticated software, and released the device in time for the 2008 Presidential race, Now candidates have the ability to to simulate life-like experiences of what it is like to be an elderly white man, a black man, or even a female governor of a low population state.

This simulation allows candidates to validate their deeply held convictions, without the by-products of what it is actually like to be a disgruntled POW or a white woman with an underage teen daughter pregnant out of wedlock. And amazingly, just like in the Star Trek episode “The Inner Light” the candidates can live a lifetime’s worth of experiences in about 15 minutes (not counting the Windows Vista reboots).

Barack Obama, after exiting the Palindome, stated: “Now I understand the experiences that my opponent has gone through. I have been tortured. My arms broken. I cheated on my first wife after she was maimed in a traffic accident with rich debutantes. I flew into unexpected rages and have made rash, unreasoned decisions – like selecting a running-mate with absolutely no credentials.”

McCain had a similar revelation: “I feel great sympathy with black women everywhere, since, through the technology of the Palindome, I am able to understand, through a lifetimes experience of being a black woman, your particular issues.” Aides whispered in his ears for an awkward moment, and he then added, “What I meant was experiencing what it was like to live the life of a black MAN.” Then he was gingerly led off-stage.

Not surprisingly, Sarah Palin was actually the first to enter the Palindome (hence it was named after her) and went into an alternate reality where she experienced what it was like to be a politically savvy, smart, well-connected and knowledgeable Senator of the state of New York. Still, the experience apparently had no effect on her.

Scientist have resolved that while the Palindome can have you experience the simulated life of another person, it can’t make up for your own stupidity.

“Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?”

Deep in a bunker somewhere up in the Great White North, an evil firm specializing in robotic technology has secretly created life-like robotic drones, and have unleashed them quietly into the world.

Nick-named “Palin-drones” these robotic menaces have been created with one objective in mind: to act as mirror-opposites of themselves. That is, they begin by assuming a normal political position, and establish firm firm convictions and opinions. Then, within the course of a small period of time (say, a presidential political election cycle), the Palin-drones quickly change their opinions and come out sharply against themselves.

Palin-drones have been known to even vote against bills they co-authored. Equipped with dual-core processors (with each processor maintaining a separate identity and political position), these drones have already fooled nearly half of the US population.

Luckily, skeptics and anyone with half a brain are able to pick out a Palin-drone from a real person. Still, to date, two top-of-the line models still exist with an objective of undermining US society.

The Maverick08

This is a drone with a curmudgeonly attitude. He often is angry and spiteful, and only smirks – not smiles. Some of his recorded reversals:

1. The Maverick08 insisted that everyone, even “terrible killers,” “the worst kind of scum of humanity,” and detainees at Guantanamo Bay, “deserve to have some adjudication of their cases,” even if that means “releasing some of them.” He even indicated that Gitmo should be closed. He now believes the opposite.
2. He was against waterboarding and torture until February of this year – now he’s for it.
3. When his political opponent indicated that he wanted to go to Pakistan to fight terrorist, the Maverick08 criticized him for it – now he’s for it (wanting to follow them to the “gates of hell”)
4. He wanted to kick Russia out of the G8, and then he didn’t, and then he did again.
5. The Maverick08 is both for and against a “rogue state rollback”
6. This drone once said about the war in Iraq: “We will win this conflict. We will win it easily.”Four years later he said that he knew all along that it was “probably going to be long and hard and tough.”
7. The Maverick08 flip-flopped on a number of positions related to Social Security
8. He was against making Martin Luther King a national holiday, now he’s for it.
9. He was for equal rights for gays (including gay marriage) and women, but now he’s come out against it.
10. He was for a woman’s right to choose before he was against it.

A full list of all 76 policy reversals can be found at The Carpetbagger Report.

“Do geese see God?”

The HockeyMILF-o-tron

The second model, called the HockeyMILF-o-tron, was just recently unleashed on the public, and already has recorded a stunning set of reversals in position, including:

1. She was for the “Bridge to Nowhere” before she was against it (and she still kept the money for it!)
2. She is for women voters, but against giving them a right to choose.
3. She was against wind-power and clean coal projects, before she was for it.
4. She thought that Hilary Clinton was whining during the campaign, and then she praised her for her successes in the campaign.

More have been pointed out by Keith Oberman on a recent TV program:

• Sarah Palin’s Lies and Flip-Flops Part 1
• Sarah Palin’s Lies and Flip-Flops Part 2

“No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention”

Other Palin-drones are being discovered on a daily basis, since the Republican National Convention. They include

The KarlRove-o-matic (aka Pasty-head):

And the Papa-BearX8000:

“Some men interpret nine memos”

Much confusion was generated on the internet this weekend when Google searches for “Governor Palin” resulted in websites related to former Monty Python regular performer Michael Palin. One reporter under that false impression interviewed Michael Palin, as excerpted below:

Reporter: How does it feel to be chosen as the running mate for the Republican ticket for the presidency?

Michael Palin: I think you must be confusing me with a different ‘Palin’

Reporter: Your name is ‘Palin” correct?

Michael Palin: Why yes, but -

Reporter: And you have been selected as the Vice Presidential running mate for Senator McCain?

Michael Palin: I’m sorry, but that is not the case

Reporter: Well, that’s just a technicality, isn’t it? I mean if Google thinks you have been selected as the Republican Vice Presidential runningmate, then it must be true, right?

Michael Palin: No, it is not, it is absolutely false!

Reporter: Look, you’re a ‘Palin’ and Senator McCain selected a ‘Palin’ as a runningmate, right?

Michael Palin: Right, but -

Reporter: Well then, that’s established. So, how does it feel to be selected as the Vice Presidential candidate of a man one heartstroke away from leaving you with the presidency?

Michael Palin: I was NOT selected as a US Vice Presidential candidate! In fact, I’m British, I mean, can’t you tell by my accent! I can’t even be selected as a running mate! And just because it comes up in Google, doesn’t mean it’s automatically true!

========================

Late Tuesday night, it was finally established that Michael Palin was not a the governor of a medium-sized state for less than two years, but arguably more experienced than Governor Sarah Palin, the most inexperienced person on a major-party ticket in modern history. This has effectively made the McCain bid for president dead-on-arrival:

(with apologies to Monty Python):

==============================

The Dead Presidential Candidate Sketch

 A Republican voter enters the Republican National Convention.

Republican voter: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The RNC Chairman does not respond.)

Republican voter: ‘Ello, Miss?

RNC Chairman: What do you mean “miss”?

Republican voter: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

RNC Chairman: We’re closin’ for Gustav.

Republican voter: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this presidential candidate what I voted not a year ago from this very state.

RNC Chairman: Oh yes, the, uh, the McCain Watwaseetinkin…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with him?

Republican voter: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with him!

RNC Chairman: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

Republican voter: Look, matey, I know a dead presidential candidate when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

RNC Chairman: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable candidate, the McCain Watwaseetinkin, idn’it, ay? Beautiful history!

Republican voter: His history don’t enter into it. He’s stone dead.

RNC Chairman: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

Republican voter: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the television) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Presidential candidate! I’ve got a lovely fresh new wife for you if you show…

(RNC Chairman hits the television)

RNC Chairman: There, he moved!

Republican voter: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the television!

RNC Chairman: I never!!

Republican voter: Yes, you did!

RNC Chairman: I never, never did anything…

Republican voter: (yelling and hitting the television repeatedly) ‘ELLO MCCAIN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes presidential candidate out of the television and thumps its head on the counter. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.)

Republican voter: Now that’s what I call a dead presidential candidate.

RNC Chairman: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

Republican voter: STUNNED?!?

RNC Chairman: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! McCain Watwaseetinkin stun easily, major.

Republican voter: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That presidential candidate is definitely deceased, and when I voted for him in the primaries not a year ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to him bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged campaign.

RNC Chairman: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the rice paddies.

Republican voter: PININ’ for the RICE PADDIES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got home?

RNC Chairman: The McCain Watwaseetinkin prefers keepin’ on his back! Remarkable conservative, id’nit, squire? Lovely history!

Republican voter: Look, I took the liberty of examining that presidential candidate when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his stool in the
first place was that he had been NAILED there.

(pause)

RNC Chairman: Well, o’course he was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that conservative down, he would have nuzzled up to those voters, bent ‘em apart with his promises, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Republican voter: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this conservative wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

RNC Chairman: No no! ‘E’s pining!

Republican voter: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This presidential candidate is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the stool ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!!

(pause)

RNC Chairman: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of presidential candidates.

Republican voter: I see. I see, I get the picture.

RNC Chairman: I got an Alaskan guv’nor.

(pause)

Republican voter: Pray, does she know any foreign policy?

RNC Chairman: Nnnnot really.

Republican voter: WELL SHE’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS SHE?!!???!!?

RNC Chairman: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Republican voter: Well.

(pause)

RNC Chairman: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place?

Republican voter: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.