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Archive for the ‘Internet’

Google releases Gaascii – ASCII-based internet search

August 26, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Internet No Comments →

gaasci - in ascii

Late last night, Google silently released a new version of internet search based on the old school ASCII formatting –

something they are tentatively calling “Gaascii.” This new method of internet search will allow users to search all

websites and have the results returned to them in simple, ASCII-based results.

Google CEO Eric E. Schmidt couldn’t contain his glee at the press release, just shortly after 9pm PST yesterday:

“Finally, I could pull out my old dot-matrix printer, and put it back to use. I don’t know about you, but I was getting

tired of having to program in ASP, .NET and even HTML – ASCII is much cleaner.”

eric scmidt ascii

Google CEO Eric E. Schmidt

“With Gaascii, everything on the internet will be converted to ASCII formatting – pictures, movies, javascript –

everything,” Schmidt added.

With this announcement, simultaneously Schmidt also announced the conversion of other Google properties to this “new/old”

way of rendering the internet:

* YouTube will now become ASCII-tube

* Google Earth will become Gaasci-earth

* Google Maps will simply become Maasci

In response to this announcement, millions of internet users (mostly those that frequent porn sites) responded

with horror. “What, do I have to start looking at ASCII photos of naked women again? I mean, what is this – 1982?” said one.

New Internet Photo Hoax arises – “Man on top of mountain with mountain goats”

August 25, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Internet 4 Comments →

The latest Internet Photo Hoax has suddenly surfaced this morning, and is already causing a viral movement throughout Flickr, YouTube, SmugMug and other online media-sharing devices.

Crudely titled “Man on top of mountain with mountain goats,” this photo clearly illustrates the danger of letting amateurs use Photoshop:

Man on Quandary summit with mountain goat

This photo of a “seemingly normal” Colorado resident summiting a “14er” (a mountain that is over 14,000 feet) is eerily similar to the much-circulated – and decidedly fake -  “Tourist on top of World trade Center as jetliner is about to crash” photo:

tourist on top of world trade center

Photoshopping Photos is unethical

The caption featured under the Coloradan’s photo reads: “So out of or group of five, I was the only person to make it to the top of Quandary, a “14er” near Breckenridge.”

Other people in his hiking party have already disagreed online, through various blogs and wikis.

For example, another anonymous poster (suspected of being his brother, Rod) wrote: “There’s no way he made it. All of us turned back, either because of illness, injuries and the impending storm. He says the storm headed south and missed the summit. I don’t believe it.”

Another blogger, JoMaz (John Martinez) also disagreed with the veracity of the photo: “C’mon, he has a mountain goat just behind him. Mountain goats are shy creatures that are not known to get that close to humans. Are you trying to tell me he got within five feet of one. Nonsense.”

The hiker in the photo, Wang Zen, posted this response on Valleywag, and other citizen journalism sites: “Look, I’m one of 50 people summiting that day. There were goats at the top, and that made it that much more magical. All their comments are sour grapes because they wimped out. I mean, it’s not like I had a shark jumping out of the water at me, or that fake guy on top of the world trade center with the jetliner about to hit the building. I mean, why PhotoShop a goat just behind me? That would be ridiculous!

Shark attacking Navy SEAL

Investigators are looking into evidence of doctoring, such as the use of the “cloning” tool and the “blend” tool. Investigator John Jingleheimersmidt, who investigated the fake Reuters photographs by Adnan Hajj remarked, “I don’t know, looks real to me.”

Meanwhile, the purported people behind the Bigfoot scandal and the Montauk Monster hullaballo have allegedly contacted WangZen to discuss an upcoming project.

bigfoot is real...it\'s not a possummontauk monster - is it real?

UPDATE – 11:46am MST:

Breaking news from the AP indicates that Wangzen is a noted photo-manipulator. Investigators have seized his computer, and confiscated the following photo as proof of his shenanigans:

wangzenphoto - a scandal

“It’s clearly a hoax. You’ll note the arrow signs on either side of his head that almost mock viewers of these photos, like he’s stating we have nothing between our ears,” says Detective Phil Collins (no relation) of Denver. “Moreover, the purported magazine – “Rocky Mountain Cyclist” – doesn’t even exist!”

Det. Collins added: “And that unzipped shirt is terribly offensive. This Wangzen guy is clearly a menace to society and should be promtply arrested!”

At the time of this writing, Wangzen is still at large, thought to have fled the state heading eastward. Who knows what future Photoshopping he will do.

White Space…peace & tranquility on the web

June 26, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Internet No Comments →

White Space - peace & tranquility when surfing the webWebsites today have become an annoyance – there is just too much content packed into a single page layout: display ads on the right hand side, annoying sponsor ads across the top of the page, confusing navigation on the left hand side and unverified content in the middle. It’s enough to give us all a headache.

Luckily, there is a solution…

Introducing White Space, an add on to every major supported browser, that allows users to liberate themselves from all this irritating webcontent, and surf the web in peace and tranquility. Here’s how it works:

After installing White Space, the application will automatically lay patented white filters over all content on your browser to “white it away”…and that’s all….now surfing can be light and free again.

White Space…

Peace and Tranquility…

Peace of Mind…

White Space

Typical Website Screenshot when using White Space

Typical Website Screenshot when using White Space

iInternet

June 13, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Internet No Comments →

Sick of how the internet has become a cesspool of cheesy scraped content, thin affiliate marketing pages, porn and gambling websites? Well, step aside, for a new technology has been born: the iInternet, the internet for the internet!

Going back to the origins of the Internet as a place of learning with the free exchange of ideas among enlightened academics, hi-octane scientists and engineers have created a sort of internet for the Internet.

The Internet was very pleased: “FInally, a place to call our own! Now every site I see doesn’t have to be about porn or gambling, or the egocentric solipsistic whinings of privileged technocrats complaining about how awful their life is – how ’bout me! I’m the one that has to listen to all this crap!”

The iInternet was built as a joint project between IBM, Microsoft, Oracle, Sun Microsystems Google and Al Gore. Apple was notably excluded from discussions. The iInternet has been housed within the tesseract of a wormhole and for now is pristine, truly knowledge driven and uncommercial.

But that may change. The Internet was heard mumbling, ‘Great, now how are we going to make money off this?’

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