yooRyoo.com

Had a late night argument with your lady friend? Girlfriend driving you nuts with her jealousy and angry texts? Is she ready to “commit” while you are planning your exit strategy? Or just can’t find your “perfect mate” on eHarmony or Match.com? No problem…

Introducing “iGrrlfrend” - a virtual girlfriend simulator that does exactly what you want, when you want it, at an affordable monthly subscription rate.

After subscribing to iGrrlfrend, users are directed to a dashboard, where they can begin crafting their own unique virtual girlfriend. Using the patented Dungeons & Dragons rating model, the iGrrlfrend Setup Wizard launches, allowing you to craft the “perfect” features (n a scale of 1 to 18) for your virtual girlfriend, including:

• Hair color
• Intelligence
• Humor
• Mood Swings
• Measurements
• Dexterity (if you know what I mean)
• Rhythm (if you know what I mean)
• Sex Appeal (if you know…er, never mind)

For those users that would rather bypass the Setup Wizard, they could select from the following templates:

• Angelina Jolie
• Marisa Miller
• Scarlett Johansen
• Jessica Alba
• Roseanne Barr

Then, using the OpenID engine, iGrrlfrend scrolls and scrapes through your existing social networks and online identies, and pulls in relevant information about you - your hobbies, pictures of you and your friends, musical tastes, etc.

Within five business days, your iGrrlfrend’s identity is created, and she will automatically “friend” you on Facebook, change your relationship status, and upload PhotoShopped pictures of you and her together - at bars and on “romantic getaways” to exotic locales like Milpitas, CA.

If opting in to the “Platinum” level, online avatars will also be created, “marrying” you on SecondLife and fighting beside you as a Mage Level 45 on World of Warcraft.

Other advanced features of iGrrlfrend will allow you to receive text messages, stating “Where the hell R U at - come home now!” or Twitter messages stating: “My friends saw you talking with that girl - who is she? Call me now!”

Plans are in the works to create an alternate iBoifrend - where female users can select from a bevvy of nerdy, overweight men that are actually real and desperate to make human contact in any form. The cost to enroll in iBoifrend are - obviously - much cheaper.

Related posts

• Is It Real #8: MyGlu - “gluing” together your social networks applications (0)
• We Can’t Make This Stuff Up: “Twitter is a tool for terrorists” (0)
• MyBot - automated cuteness on the social web! (1)
• It’s time to Toot! (5)
• Friday Fishwrap (8-15-08): The Rise and Fall of Twitter (1)

The makers of the ever-popular SecondLife online virtual world announced plans today to introduce a new online world platform, designed specifically for the fundamentalist arm of the Mormon religion - “Second Wife.”

In this new virtual community, users are encouraged to create virtual compounds of suppression and poverty, populate their family with thousands of virtual offspring (”cyber-springs”) - all without the menacing arm of the law getting into their way of life.

“We’re excited,” says fundamentalist founder Pastor Mannie Grange, “we’ve been waiting for something like this ever since, ever since…ever since we were kicked off our compound in Colorado and lost our Comcast DSL connection.”

In Second Wife, users create avatars that have limited choices on body types and clothing. Men avatars have a scoring system that allows them to tally the number of women they connect with, and the number of cyber-springs they create. Women, unfortunately, have no scoring system, and are only measured on the length of their dress and the oneness of their eyebrow.

With this announcement, already existing LDS organizations on Second Life are planning a mass migration to this new gaming platform, packing up all of their existing belongings in Second Life vans and trucks, and hightailing it out of the SL community under the cover of darkness.

Critics have already decried this new community, noting that their are no age restrictions required when enrolling. In an attempt to reach the leaders of the Fundamental LDS organization, we received an automated email response:

“Sorry I can’t respond to your email - I am off to farm new, fertile pastures. However, your email is important to me, and I will respond once they lay in a T1 line to this godforsaken place.”

Related posts

• S*#tfaced - social networking for drunks (1)
• Toot 2.0 - now available for the iPhone 3G!!! (0)
• Death Row - A New Type of Second Life…or Death (1)
• Yo’ Bama - a surprising mash-up between technology and politics (1)
• Stryke - internet telephony with virtual missiles! (0)

In a crazy move (on a triple-word play, no less), Hasbro games announced today the release of one of their newest online, Facebook game application - Crapulous!

Crapulous is an ASCII-based application available through the Facebook application interface, allowing users to clumsily play against a “computer-generated AI” player through command-line scripts.

“Loosely fashioned after such engaging games as Zork and that one the Matthew Broderick kid played in ‘Wargames,’ we’re convinced Crapulous will be as popular as ICQ,” commented Hasbro spokesperson, Crash Bandicoot.

Although early beta-tests revealed difficulty installing the command-line window interface on most computers, Crapulous has already gained a significant early install base, revealed Mr. Bandicoot. “We’re definitely excited by the usability testing on Windows NT machines, but only those with more than 256kb of RAM,” he added.

Nonplussed, the creators of Scrabulous have already released their replacement game, WordScraper, and have already tracked more than 8 billion installs.

Hasbro has already tentatively announced a complete roadmap of ASCII-based games for Facebook, through the remainder of 2008, including:

• BattleCrap - face off against another player, in this exciting, turn-by-turn script-based battle game
• CrappyLand - where kids and adults move simple emoticons through a flat, 2-dimensional land of fun
• Hungry Hungry Crappos - exciting turn-based action, where you compete to “eat” more “&” symbols than your computer based foes
• Oper-crap-tion - your skill at kernel commands is put to the test…fail, and you might hear the dulcit sound of an 8-bit alarm tone from your speakers

Related posts

• Friday Fishwrap: Social Networking Wars (1)
• Stryke - internet telephony with virtual missiles! (0)
• MyBot - automated cuteness on the social web! (1)
• It’s time to Toot! (5)
• Is It Real? #3: “Ribbit - an Open Platform for Telephony Innovation” (1)

(Concept submitted by Tim Buck)

The company that brought you the SIMcrime game and the ever-popular sequel, SIMprison, now introduce the newest MMOG experience - Death Row!

“Beta-tested in our Federal prison system for the past five years, I think we’re ready to release this hot gaming platform to the public,” says Dirk Dirkwheed, CEO of DOA Games, “Our existing players are eager to interact with others ‘outside the walls,’ so to speak.”

The gaming experience is similar to the ever-popular Second Life, where players create an avatar and outfit them with a variety of hairstyles, tattoos and body piercings, along with one of five styles of body suits. The avatar is then quickly placed in solitary confinement in a massive online prison system. With nothing but a dark jail cell around them, and no interaction with other players, the gaming experience quickly drives players to reflect on their solitude and the actions they have done.

Occasional interactions with jailors (moderators) are slowly introduced to the gaming experience, where bits of virtual food and bibles are shoved under the door. “We’re really excited by the game - online players are used to sitting and staring for long periods of time,” said Dirk, “We expect this game to be huge!”

Eventually, the game play evolves into challenging users to break out of jail, where they could begin interacting with other players. Some are actual incarcerated felons, and they can guide you into other dark environments in the game.

Dirkwheed went on to explain that future expansion packs will offer lawyers the ability to “practice” their techniques on existing gamers, and the much-anticipated Electric Chair expansion kit.

Expect Death Row to hit the shelves just in time for the Christmas shopping season this year!

Related posts

• S*#tfaced - social networking for drunks (1)
• GooSoft - Google and Microsoft join forces! (0)
• Friday Fishwrap: Social Networking Wars (1)
• SaaSy - a fabulous new development language for web applications (0)
• “Second Wife” - a new online virtual world for fundamentalist Mormons! (0)

The virtual world never sleeps. Your avatars are awake and waiting for your next command. Feel a tad guilty when you go to sleep? No one to take care of your avatars while you are gone? Lifeverse to the rescue!

Lifeverse is a 2D world for your 3D characters, a world in which your avatars create avatars in a subverse (did you get that?) for them to play with during the times when you can’t play with them. Never again feel guilty about the 5 hours of “downtime” (sleep) when you are unable to give your avatars direction. Know that your 3rd level warlock is able to direct the actions of a student at Manassas University getting her first roofie at the Chi Delta Delta frat party. When it’s time for you to wake up and play they are ready too! No guilt for your absence since they will be with their electronic pacifier.

Put the POW back in your WOW!

Related posts

• Death Row - A New Type of Second Life…or Death (1)
• S*#tfaced - social networking for drunks (1)
• Is It Real #9: the iHologram (1)
• Friday Fishwrap: Social Networking Wars (1)
• “Second Wife” - a new online virtual world for fundamentalist Mormons! (0)

For gaming fans caught up in the latest instrument-playing games, we bring you TriangleHero! Join the exciting ranks of the Philharmonic orchestra and play along with such classic hits as Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, Moonlight Serenade, Mozart’s Third Movement, the 1812 Overture and the Theme from Chariot’s of Fire. Excite in the skill required by waiting 182 measures before striking your triangle-controller in syncopation to the string section! All music performed by the Milipitas Community Orchestra, replicating the sounds of major world orchestras. Available on all next-generation gaming platforms.

Related posts

• McCain follows Obama’s lead - inserts campaign ads into Xbox 360 games (5)
• Is It Real - Special Edition: OMG - It IS real!!! (2)
• “Second Wife” - a new online virtual world for fundamentalist Mormons! (0)