Canaanite 2.0: McCainonites Untie on the Iraq/Pakistan border!!

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canaanite 2.0 - McCain revised

Canaanite 2.0, aka “McCainonites,” are a modern version of the biblical Canaanites, who were smitten by the Israelis back when toilet paper was a novel idea. Canaanite 2.0 is a VC-funded technology, led by an unnamed elderly Angel-investor that happens to be running for a major political office. These “McCainonites” believe in the strength of old people, national defense, and smiting “non-believers” – and they do this via an AJAX-enabled interface offering news updates exclusively through AltaVista.

While in days of old Israelis destroyed the Canaanites, it seems that the “modern-day” (ha!) McCainonites are being undone by their own actions and poorly written code.

A list of faulty code found in McCainonite include:

  • Replacing (in many news posts) the word “Iraq” when they clearly mean Afghanistan”
  • Mistaking “Somalia” for “Sudan” in at least one news feed
  • On their sports section, swapping out the “Green Bay Packers” tag for the “Pittsburgh Steelers”
  • Often referring to Vladimir Putin of Russia — particularly following trips to Germany — as “President Putin of Germany”
  • Interchanging the words “Sunnis” and “Shiiteheads” in all Iraq-centered updates
  • Accidentally mistaking a dog for a cat
  • Once trying to open a baby instead of an umbrella on a rainy day

<sarcasm>No, old age and outdated code really has nothing to do with it </sarcasm>

In response, two major news sites – Yo’Bama and Jo’Bama didn’t have to do anything – they just changed minor CSS items, and stood aside to watch the fiasco, and try not to make flubs about the US having 57 states.

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