yooRyoo.com

A new study released today by Picken & McCracken found that more than 95% of people using Google to search often type in crazy search terms, just to see what results they’ll find.

“I am not sure if they are trying to game the system, or just simply are playing a massive multi-player search engine game (MMPSEG) with Google,” said George Picken, author of the study,  “Either way, the search engine results are just downright whack.”

Co-author Calvin McCracken observed, “Do these people expect to yield actual results based on their search terms? Maybe they’re trying to mess with Google’s search algorythms.”

The study results have proven to be true in real life examples. Over the past year, leading social media/web 2.0 satire site www.yooRyoo.com has been tracking Google search terms that lead people to their website. Just today, they released their Top 20 List of actual search terms that led users to their site:

20  - horse industrial revolution

19 - vpilf clone

18 - shopping senior citizens pictures

17 - “webcam girl” rules “never look”

16 - sharpei pups

15 - elderly + web2.0+use

14 - what happens when you smoke crack

13 - how do you reach senior citizens

12 - rick astley 2008 president

11 - scary chuck norris pictures

10 - what do Americans think about Nigerians

9 - chuck norris kick

8 - “don’t screw around with me maverick”

7 - booty social network

6 - create a virtual turd

5 - yahoo is a suckass liberal trash

4 - sexy naked furbies

3 - japanese, girl, fartng

2 - engine that runs on furbies

1 - steve jobs naked

“It just doesn’t make sense,” stated yooRyoo on their blog posting today, “Are people really typing in these things into Google? And how are these terms leading to us? Don’t web searchers have anything better to do?”

Picken and McCracken were rumored to be smug about their findings.

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In honor of the holiday gift-buying season, yooRyoo presents our version of the 12 Days of Christmas - featuring our most popular products and stories of 2008.

If you want to buy any of the below special offers, please email your credit card information to an undisclosed Nigerian bank where we hold our accounts.

Happy Holidays!

On the 12th day of Christmas, yooRyoo gave to me….

Twelve free lives in the popular First-Person Shooter game Miracle at St. Obama

Eleven dollars off your first purchase at Sarah Palin’s discount online clothing store, YouBetcha.com

Ten lines of original source code for Microsoft’s “Chrome browser” competitor - Rust

Nine free profile listings (with endorsement by Chuck Norris) on the social network - MyFistYourFacebook.com

Eight free in-game advertising placements left over from the failed McCain In-Game Ad Campaign

Seven month free subscription to inter-office dating platform - Snatch!

Six free “wife” avatars in the virtual online game “Second Wife”

Fffffiiivvvvve OnStarbucks

Four pictures from LOLroadkill

Three Tap-o-wiki’s

Two free shots of Google Juice

and a Toot in a disabled Palin-drone robot!

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December 15, 2008 - SpikeTV Video Game Awards announces controversial first person shooter - “Nail the President!”

During the SpikeTV VGA World Premiere, a suprise entry was previewed, called “Nail the President!”

Gamers have a choice of RPGs, rifles, hand guns, or even, as the video shows, acting as an Iraqi reporter and hurling shoes during a press conference.  You also have the choice of spouting different epithets, such as “This is your farewell kiss, you dog!” or “Merry f*#king Christmas, you overgrown santa’s elf you!” or even, our favorite “What’s the frequency, Kenneth!”

The advanced graphics and realistic setting had news agencies confused as they released the video game segment as an actual news event.

I can’t believe CNN, Fox News and the other agencies reported this as real news, ” replied Dangerous Games producer Wan Dzen. “I mean, c’mon, President Bush can’t move that fast. It’s obviously cgi.”  He adds, “And Iraqi reporters are well-known as deadly accurate shoe throwers - in real life, W wouldn’t stand a chance.”

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In the midst of corruption allegations and the call for him to resign his post (before he’s led off in handcuffs), Governor Rod Blagojevich proposed today to liquidate the Illinois government’s budget, and convert all funds to create an online gambling site sponsored by the state.

“Look, it’s f&*$ing obvious that there’s money to made here,” he stated outside his office in Chicago, “All Illinoisans should get off their a@@’s , log-on and ante up for a state-wide virtual 5-card Texas Hold ‘Em game, you f$%#$ers.”

FBI investigators were shocked to hear about the new direction the soon-to-be indicted governor was planning to take with the state budget.

“To say I am speechless is using too many words,” said lead investigator, Deputy Arnold Elliott Smith, “I am bleeping speechless.”

Starting tomorrow, most of the Illinois budget will be liquidated and moved to off-shore gaming facilities, if Blagojevich has his way. Agencies and groups depending on these funds will then have the ability to reclaim their funds through Blackjack, Virtual Strip Poker and Craps games.

When asked where the profits will be funneled to, Blagojevich commented, “F&%$ you” and then promptly went inside to coiff his hair.

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Think you have a unique satirical view of Web 2.0 and want to present it to thousands - nay, millions of interested parties? Like to make fun of the latest technologies and have your content appreciated worldwide? Want to post a comedic YouTube video and actually have people view it, and not make snarky comments about your material?

Then don’t post anything on the web.

However, if you are a fan of yooRyoo and think you have the intestinal fortitude to spew publish for our site (that is, you can form complete sentences and walk at the same time and are somewhat humorous), then we want you!

Simply fill out our Submissions form, and, if you bribe us pass the audition, we’ll steal grab up your content, package it up with nasty people doing nasty things pretty pictures and animated GIFs, and spew publish it, giving you partial full credit (because, lord knows, we wouldn’t want to be directly associated with that masterpiece dreck).

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After rumors surfaced late last week that President-elect Obama was working out in a Philadelphia gym with a Zune MP3 player, journalist zealots have been desperate to resolve the Barack question “iPod vs. Zune.”

yooRyoo has discovered some startling news: future President Obama is partial to neither the Microsoft or Apple MP3 players, and instead prefers to use a Rio PMP300 as his personal electronic music device.

“Look, my Rio is a special heirloom that was given to me by my ex-rival McCain,” Obama stated during an impromptu press conference in an Akron, OH “Curves for Men” on Monday, “It’s reminiscent of the epic battle the Arizona senator staged…and lost…on a national front. It’s a reminder a time forgotten when there was only a 32MB capacity - which means one could play almost five whole songs at a time for nearly 30 minutes at a stretch.”

When asked which songs he has loaded on his Rio Player, the President-elect’s spokesperson distributed a sheet containing the following tracks:

• “Circus” by Brittney Spears
• “If I Were a Boy” by Beyonce
• “Heartless” by Kayne West
• “Rehab” - by Amy Winehouse
• and 1/2 of “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey

As a follow up, Barack Obama added, “In this tough economy, I ask all Americans to sacrifice in a small way to help better the country. By the way, does anyone have any AA batteries I could borrow?”

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Happy Friday, everyone! On today’s Friday Fishwrap, we’re featuring a few light-hearted videos from the  animated site RatherGood.com. You might remember their animations from a Quizno’s commercial a few years ago, or you just may generally recognize the style. We’re featuring two of their most “consumer-friendly” videos: Ninja and Viking Cats…but be sure to visit their site, and check out other hits like “We Like the Moon” and “Gay Bar”

Their videos are fun, sometimes controversial, and very entertaining! Enjoy your Friday…and don’t trample anyone while shopping this weekend!

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President-elect Obama has already taken an aggressive approach to bringing the government online. With his new website www.change.gov and promising to promote his progress through various social media outlets, American web denizens have been waiting with interest and baited breath. Barack’s plan began with his first weekly address on YouTube this past weekend (aka his weekly “fireside chat”):

In response, millions of people rushed to watch the video, causing YouTube servers to be overloaded and close to overheating. The result: delayed download speeds, which quickly caused many Americans to lose interest after a few seconds. There were also numerous platform complaints.

“Why just YouTube?” questioned one loyal Obama supporter, “why not also on Hulu? I get most of my internet TV from Hulu…I had to watch Family Guy instead!”

“Who uses YouTube anymore? I thought that platform lost relevancy years ago, with the Lonelygirl15 debacle,” commented anonymous viewer. “Can’t he put it on Seesmic or even MySpace? Sheesh…”

The video itself features president-elect Barack Obama in a normal set, delivering a quite lengthy speech (at just over 4 minutes). This came as a surprise, as many speculated that “Obama 2.0″ would actually begin transmitting his fireside speeches via hologram, into every household in America.

“Frankly, I am disappointed,” commented 25 year-old Shane Hausser from Davenport, Iowa, “I wanted his message delivered to me through my Xbox 360 game so I could learn about the state of the nation while fragging n00bs in Call of Duty 8.”

Due to the response, the president-elect announced today that all future updates will be presented in a format that most people will respond favorably to - presumably at 140 characters at a time.

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It’s kind of embarassing, doesn’t he know that is sooo 2006?” remarked Cristobal Boyar DeFrancisco on Denver area man posting short videos of his trip to Buenos Aires:

Click on Denver area man photo to start the video

“I mean, c’mon, he even records it sideways, how whack is that?” adds Cristobal Boyar DeFrancisco. “That’s not even 2006, that is soooo 1996.”

Ricardo Montalban, a friend of the unnamed Denver man, says, “I don’t know what the big deal is, are we so enamored of new technology that we can’t appreciate older, or even current technology? I mean, that attitude itself is soooo 1876, you know, the year Graham Bell invented the first telephone. When that was invented, Marconi was overheard saying, ‘So what, now I can talk to my neighbor, but with radio, I can talk to the world!’ Just goes to show you, there’s always something new.”

Cristobal Boyar DeFrancisco responds, “Yeah, I wouldn’t use one of those stanky old phones either.” Asked what he thought was the best tech going, Cristobal rubs his chin for a moment and says, “Social networks based on Chuck Norris, it’s either that or interactive dinosaur toys. That my friend is bleeding edge.”

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