For today’s newest Friday Fishwrap (our previous video link is now broken), the editors at yooRyoo proudly bring you “Here Comes Another Bubble” - a great commentary on our industry of Web 2.0 Companies….
…Incidentally, for those of you checking: last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” - the company WhoIsI is indeed REAL (www.whoisi.com)! Go figure!!!
After the recent incendiary and possibly racist remarks by Jesse “I want to cut his nuts off” Jackson, and Obama’s former preacher, Pieceout has created a technology that translates hatespeech within the Obama (supposed) supporters, into truly supportive, non-incendiary, politically correct and non-offensive speech. The new technology has been dubbed “J’Obama 2.0″
J’Obama 2.0 is a combination of VoIP and voice-recognition software (similar to the technology used for speech recognition applications include voice dialing (e.g., “ET phone home”), call routing (e.g., “I would like to make a booty call”), and in aircraft cockpits usually termed Direct Voice Input (e.g., “Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I’m gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun.”)
The political dialog in this age of 24 hour media coverage has gotten to the point where we must not only watch our language; we must learn to use our language in a positive and supportive manner. And when we can’t, it’s J’Obama 2.0 to the rescue!
Much like how the Neo-Conservatist united their party under extremist rhetoric and Rush Limbaugh “Dittoheads” Obama supporters have to speak with one voice - united. A translation device utilizes this new way of talking by co-opting the language of our oppressors through the J’Obama technology will aid us in expressing ourselves in a people positive manner. J’Obama the translation technology will lead the way!
What we need to be careful of is avoiding the type of heckling that arose with the use of Ebonics. Ebonics, a valid English based dialect was characterized as a dumbing down of the English Language - a throwback to bad english and slang-ridden pseudo-language. This misinterpretation of a rich and varied dialect of English has reduced it to the level of jokes told during Late Night talk shows and sound bites. In order to fight this tendency of the hegemony to put-down and belittle what they do not understand, J’Obama 2.0 is here as a multi-faceted tool to aid in the unification of the black men and women that publicly state that they support Obama.
The name “J’Obama” refers to a sort of mashup between Jesse Jackson and Obama. On the one hand it speaks to the roots of addressing the kind of careless statements said when thought of as off-mike when in reality they were said inadvertently into a live one (e.g. “Barack, he’s talking down to black people…”). On the other, it addresses the hope of a black man as a candidate for the president of the United States embodied by Senator Obama. Different modules address different audiences using the J’Obama 2.0 technology suite
The translation device is worn around the neck and instantaneously scrubs outgoing speech by the user and translates it into meaningful and supportive phrases. Some examples:
The direct translation mode involves a miniturized microphone connected to hardware that directly translates hatespeech to what you ‘really meant’ (often recounted later at an apologetic press conference).
In an effort to rebuff the latest bid by Microsoft, Yahoo announced late today a surprising new mash-up, intended to bring together technology and politics once and for all. Aligning with democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, Yahoo’s shareholders thumbed their nose at Jerry Yang by revealing “Yo’ Bama” - a search engine with attitude.
“Yo’ Bama combines the natural search algorithms of the Yahoo! search engine with the elegance of an Obama speech, and delivers a natural, believable search experience that gives web searchers hope and inspiration” claims an anonymous ValleyWag blogger that had recently been “let go” due to undisclosed circumstances. “Just type in a simple search string like ‘Brangelina’s Twins” and Yo’ Bama’s search results will yield only relevant, intelligent results related to the injustices in Darfur, and the economic impact of drilling in Anwar.”
Screen shot of Yo’Bama search
This new, “improved” way to search caused an immediate ripple of excitement throughout the technology community - also causing a major backlash from detractors.
The Obama camp has remained mysteriously silent about the proposed merger, but remaining Yahoo executives have been caught flashing gang signs at Steve Ballmer’s offices on the Microsoft campus.
In an effort to bring you the newest and bestest Web 2.0 technologies, the editors are yooRyoo are starting a new Sunday feature “Is It Real” where we scour the Web 2.0 landscape to profile new companies. We will give you the name of the company, and a brief description of the technology. You’re mission (if you choose to accept it) is to determine if the company is real or not - and you can’t use Google for help!
Use the buttons below to cast your vote - we’ll give you the answer on the following Friday Fishwrap. So, without further ado, here is the very first “Is It Real”
…
Company name: WhoIsI - A service designed to help you keep track of your friends
There are sites similar to whoisi popping up all over the Internet. Each one claims to help you keep track of your friends and each one of them have the exact same qualities:
There’s a basic problem with those steps. Every one of those sites requires that you have your friends sign up and partake in the site, make the same friends over and over again, and hopefully find the site useful. The result? Social networking overload. Friends uttering “ugh, not another fracking account that I have to take care of.” Every site needs to scale and handle millions of users to have the kind of reach that any one individual needs to be able to reach enough of their friends.
Instead of asking you to sign up for an account, you can just start using whoisi. Find someone on the site you want to follow? Just click the “Follow Person” next to their name. No signup, no nothing. All it does is set a cookie. And if you want to save that login so you can connect later or log in from another machine? Check out the “Login Later” link on the right hand side and bookmark the magic url. It’s as easy as that. You can stay as anonymous as you want.
The real difference between whoisi and other sites is the way that keep track of your friends. Much like an RSS reader where you add feeds of people you know and keep track of them, whoisi asks you do do the same. Except that you’re asked to create entries for your friends first and add all of their feeds. That small amount of work that you’ve done makes it easier down the road for someone else to come along and follow that person as well. Your friends don’t have to participate in whoisi for you to be able to keep track of them, but if they do down the road, you’ve made it much easier for them.
Whoisi borrows this idea from Wikipedia. That collectively humans can build a great database of knowledge with great collaborative tools. Whoisi doesn’t use robots and doesn’t use spiders. Instead it relies on humans who are interested in what fellow humans are up to.
Whoisi uses a time-based approach to seeing what your friends are doing. No more read/unread status indicators or mail-like 3-pane views. Just a very simple and elegant flow of information from your friends. You can scan quickly and see what’s going on, look at what you want and then move on to the next thing. It’s about flow.
…
So, is WhoIsI real? Vote now!
WhoIsI? Is it real?
Total Voters: 8
Loading ...
After announcing last week that they were closing 600 stores nationwide, Starbucks Corporation (NASDAQ: SBUX) has announced the next step in its multi-faceted plan to transform the company today. A surprise merger with the leading car safety device and vehicle security firm, Onstar, is a surprising mash-up that has investors raving about the positive effect on both companies’ stock prices.
“In January, we committed to transforming the company through a series of critical and strategic initiatives to improve the current state of our U.S. business and build the business for the long term,” stated Howard Schultz, chairman, president and CEO. “Our executive and field leadership teams conducted an extensive review of our U.S. company-operated store portfolio with a goal of enabling our organization to focus its efforts on areas where we can more effectively improve the customer experience. To that end, we proudly announce OnStarbucks.”
“Our 11 years of experience have taught us that life happens when you’re driving,” said OnStar President Chet Huber. “The value of OnStarbucks combines the powerfully-simple technology of OnStar’s in car emergency support with the leading specialty coffee store, providing added flexibility for our subscribers. In emergency situations - a car accident, being locked out of your car, being lost in strange city - stress levels of our subscribers increase. The new OnStarbucks service will allow them to order a double Mocha Frappacino to help them through these difficult times.”
With this simple announcement, the markets have seen a quick uptake on Starbucks and OnStar stocks, which has led to further product extension announcements, include PronStar (the ability to deliver adult material directly to vehicles) and FourBucks (a concept store where every coffee drink only costs $4).
About Starbucks
Since 1971, Starbucks Coffee Company has been committed to ethically sourcing and roasting the highest quality arabica coffee in the world. Today, with stores around the globe, the company is the premier roaster and retailer of specialty coffee in the world - and now in your car. Through their unwavering commitment to excellence and our guiding principles, they bring the unique Starbucks Experience to life for every customer through every cup and every automobile. To share in the experience, please visit them in our stores, online at www.starbucks.com or just hit your convenient OnStarbucks button in your vehicle.
About OnStar by GM
OnStar, a wholly-owned subsidiary of General Motors, is the leading provider of in-vehicle safety, security and communication services. OnStarbucks is available on more than 50 MY 2008 GM models and includes one year of service and four Venti Lattes (speciality milks and flavors will cost extra). OnStarbucks will become standard on nearly all GM retail vehicles in the United States and Canada by the end of 2008. OnStar provides services to more than 4.5 million subscribers in the U.S. and Canada. More information about OnStar can be found at www.onstar.com.
Forward-Looking Statements
This release contains forward-looking statements relating to the Cappucinos delivered in an emergency, including statements regarding the timing of delivery to OnStarbucks vehicles, charges and expenses relating to the rapid response of delivery of caffienated beverages and the related impact to drivers stress levels. These forward-looking statements, as well as the underlying estimates and assumptions relating to such statements, are based on currently available operating, financial and competitive information and are subject to a number of significant risks and uncertainties. In particular, Starbucks does not acknowledge the relation of too much caffeine with actual road rage or an increase in accidents, nor short-term memory loss that relates to the increase risk of losing one’s car keys. The company assumes no obligation to update any of these forward-looking statements.
In alignment with the film Terminator, whose story of man’s battle with machines mirrors Yahoo!’s own, Yahoo! is planning to change their name to “Hasta la Vista, baby!”
“We had so many executives leave the company in the past few months that instead of ignoring the problem we decided to meet it head on in the most public way possible: a company name change,” says Yahoo! CEO Jerry Yang. The new NASDAQ symbol will be GBYE.
Carl Icahn is reportedly pissed, as he was betting on the bankability of the Yahoo! name (before rendering the search engine directory company into tiny bits before feeding it to the Microsoft machinery). Jerry Yang reportedly was heard screaming at Carl ”The Buzzsaw” Icahn, “Get your damn dirty paws off me you filthy ape!” (Other reports were that his statement was directed to Steve “The Mangler” Ballmer.)
This is a sad ending to what was once one of the rising stars of the internet. The dominant search engine, Google, built it’s search algorithm on the burial mound of Yahoo, casting away the human element of a person selected search directory to one that is mechanical, algorithm driven:
The future has not been written. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. I wish I could believe that. My name is Jerry Yang, they tried to murder me before I was born, when I was 13 they tried again. Machines from the future. Algorithm driven search engines. All my life my mother told me the storm was coming, Judgment Day, the beginning of the war between man and machines. Three billion lives would vanish in an instant, and I would lead what was left of Yahoo to ultimate victory. It hasn’t happened, no bombs fell, computers didn’t take control, we stopped Judgment Day. I should feel safe, but I don’t, so I live off the grid - no phone, no address, no one and nothing can find me. I’ve erased all connections to the past, but as hard as I try I can’t erase my dreams, my nightmares.
- Jerry Yang, CEO, Hasta la Vista, Baby!
And now Yahoo!, that human driven search directory, is being persuaded to join the creators of the “brains” behind the personal computers of the world: Microsoft. I ask you: can Judgement Day be far behind?
By the time Microsoft became self-aware it had spread into millions of computer servers across the planet. Ordinary computers in office buildings, dorm rooms; everywhere. It was software; in cyberspace. There was no system core; it could not be shutdown. The attack began at 6:18 PM, just as he said it would. Judgment Day, the day the human driven directory was almost destroyed by the weapons they’d built to protect themselves. I should have realized it was never our destiny to stop Judgment Day, it was merely to survive it, together. Steve Jobs knew; he tried to tell us, but I didn’t want to hear it. Maybe the future has been written. I don’t know; all I know is what the Steve Jobs taught me; never stop fighting. And I never will. The battle has just begun.
- Jerry Yang, CEO, Hasta la Vista, Baby!
Will Yahoo! (er, I mean Hasta la Vista, Baby!) survive the takeover attempt by Carl Icahn and Microsoft? Can Jerry Yang forestall Judgement Day?
Oh my God. I’m back. I’m home. All the time, it was… We finally really did it.
[screaming]
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
_
List of Yahoo! brain trust leaving Yahoo! for other (better?) digs:
To Be Continued…
Sales Guy versus Webdude - funny!
The following draft proposal of a merger between Google and Microsoft was leaked at the Drudge report. Edits have been retained:
Google and Microsoft Will Combine to Deliver New Vision for the Customer-Centric Enterprise
Mountainview, CA and Redmond, WA (July 3, 2008) – Google (NASDAQ: GOOG), a leading provider of search solutions, and Microsoft (NASDAQ: MSFT), a leading provider of personal computer software and services, today announced that they have entered into a definitive agreement under which Google will acquire Microsoft for $27.50 per share in cash.
The convergence of Microsoft’ operating system and software and Google’s search solutions will create a broad portfolio of computer performance solutions, delivering a compelling new vision for the greater-fool customer-centric enterprise.
The combined Google/Microsoft portfolio includes solutions for internet search, personal computer operating systems, server software, video game software, porn search, gambling, mapping applications, and a full range of strategic professional and consulting services. This powerful combination will enable small- to mid-sized companies and large organizations to leverage powerful browser and PC applications for better business decisions and optimize workforce and enterprise performance to deliver a compelling customer service advantage.
The new motto will be: “Do only enough evil to monopolize and monetize.” As Dr. Eric Schmidt, GooSoft’s Co-President and CEO added, “It’s only a suggestion.”
“Google and Microsoft share a similar culture with a passion for growth, results-driven execution and a laser focus on making boatloads of cash,” said Steve Ballmer, Co-President and CEO of GooSoft Systems Inc. “This strategic move will create a platform for rapid organizational growth and provide a wealth of opportunity for our global slave employee population.”
Questions regarding the new name of the merged corporation were asked, and Dr. Eric Schmidt said, “Well, we bought them, so the ‘Goo’ comes first.” Ballmer chimed in, “Also, MicroGoo sounded silly,” he then waxed poetic, as was his wont to do in his old age, “First you have to plant the seed of GooSoft. And then you just hoe the seed. You must also pull your weed and suck the seed into the loam until you succeed. You see?”
Together, Google and Microsoft can create a foundation for growth that effectively addresses the most important needs of me-centric customer-centric enterprises, including innovative product development and world class delivery, service and India and Malaysia based support. Additionally, the Google/Microsoft combination will provide a stronger global footprint, with offices around the globe, significant expansion of both direct, indirect and OEM sales channels, and create broad cross-sell opportunities across an extensive global customer base.
Said Steve Ballmer, CEO of former Microsoft Systems, “We are uniting a unique group of people and solutions through a converged vision and common purpose — to help our sheeplike joint customer base and partners enhance their operational effectiveness and create sustainable competitive advantage against Apple. Kiss my ass Steve Jobs!.” Schmidt continued, “This combination makes us an attractive strategic partner that delivers real solutions and strong ROI to the individual, SMB and enterprise markets. And keeps people from thinking differently.”
“We are confident in our ability to effectively integrate the companies based on the strength of both management teams, our shared vision and our deep expertise in delivering value-added solutions for the enterprise market,” concluded Dr. Eric Schmidt. “This growth-driven combination advances our strategy to enhance customer and line our pockets shareholder value.”
Transaction Details
On a fully diluted basis, the total enterprise value of the transaction is approximately $950 gazillion (which excludes Microsoft’ cash). Google expects to fund the transaction through a $650 gazillion debt financing commitment provided by Lehman Brothers Inc., Deutsche Bank and Credit Suisse, a $293 gazillion preferred stock investment by God Technology, Inc (GOD.PK), the 57 percent shareholder of Google, and the remainder from existing cash of the combined company. In the transaction, Microsoft shareholders will receive $27.50 per share, in cash, and holders of vested options will receive cash in an amount equal to $27.50 less the applicable exercise price of their options. Unvested options will be assumed by Google and be exercisable for Google stock.
The transaction is targeted to close in the second quarter of 2009, pending approval by regulators and by stockholders of Microsoft Systems, as well as satisfaction of other customary closing conditions.
Lehman Brothers Inc. acted as Google Systems’ financial advisor and provided a fairness opinion on the transaction to the Board of Directors of Google Systems. Morgan Keegan & Company provided a fairness opinion to a committee of independent directors of Google Systems with respect to the preferred stock investment by God. Jones Day acted as legal advisor to Google. The ‘N Sync acted as musical entertainment. Goldman, Sachs & Co. acted as financial advisor to Microsoft Systems and provided a fairness opinion on the transaction to the Board of Directors of Microsoft Systems. WilmerHale acted as legal advisor to Microsoft Systems.
Conference Call Details
Google will be conducting a conference call to discuss the combination today, July 3, 2008, at 8:30 AM ET. An on-line, real-time Web cast of the conference call will be available on our website at www.Google.com. The conference call can also be accessed live via telephone at 867-5309. Please dial in 5-10 minutes prior to the scheduled start time. A replay of the conference call will be available on our website at www.Google.com until July 28, 2008.
About Google Systems Inc.
Google® Systems Inc., headquartered in Mountainview, CA, is a leading provider of internet-based search solutions. Google software, which is used by over a gazillion sheep people and organizations in over 50 countries worldwide, generates actionable intelligence through the collection, retention and delivery of internet advertising search data from multiple networks. Visit us at our website www.Google.com.
Note: This release contains “forward-looking statements” under the Private Securities Fuck you up Litigation Reform Act of 1995. There can be no assurances that forward-looking statements will be achieved, and actual results could differ materially from forecasts and estimates. Important risks, uncertainties and other important factors that could cause actual results to differ materially include, among others: the inability to complete the merger due to Microsoft’s failure to obtain stockholder approval or the failure to kiss ass satisfy other conditions to the completion of the merger including the expiration of the waiting period under the Hart-Scott-Rodino Antitrust Improvements Act of 1976 and the receipt of other required regulatory approvals; the failure to obtain the necessary financing arrangements set forth in the commitment letters received in connection with the merger; risks that the proposed transaction disrupts current plans and operations and the potential difficulties in employee stampede to the exits retention as a result of the merger; the ability to recognize the benefits of the merger; the amount of the costs, fees, expenses and charges related to the merger and the actual terms of certain financings that will be obtained for the merger and the impact of the substantial indebtedness incurred to finance the consummation of the merger; the potential impact on Google’s financial results as a result of God’s creation of a special gang committee of the Storm Troopers Board of Directors of God to review matters relating to grants of God stock options, including but not limited to, the accuracy of the stated dates of God option grants and whether God followed all of its proper corporate procedures and the results of the God special committee’s review; the effect of Google’s failure to impregnate timely file all required reports under the Securities Exchange Act of 1934; the facts and circumstances underlying certain potential accounting errors, as well as certain other areas requiring additional investigation, recently announced by God; Google’s ability to have its common stock relisted on The NASDAQ Global Market; the impact of governmental inquiries arising out of or related to option grants and the other accounting errors identified at God; introducing quality products on a timely basis that satisfy customer requirements and achieve market acceptance; lengthy and variable sales cycles create difficulty in forecasting the timing of revenue; integrating the business and personnel of YouTube and Google’s other acquisitions, including implementation of adequate internal controls; risks associated with significant foreign operations, including fluctuations in foreign currency exchange rates; aggressive competition in all of Google’s markets, which creates pricing pressure; managing our expansion in the Asia Pacific region; risks that Google’s intellectual property rights may not be adequate to protect its business or that others may claim that Google infringes upon their intellectual property rights; risks associated with Google’s ability to retain existing personnel and recruit and retain overqualified personnel in all the known universe geographies in which Google operates; decline in information technology spending; changes in the demand for Google’s products; challenges in increasing gross margins; risks associated with changes in the competitive or regulatory environment in which Google operates; dependence on government contracts; expected increase in Google’s effective tax rate; perception that Google improperly handles sensitive or confidential information; inability to maintain erections relationships with value added resellers and systems integrators; difficulty of improving Google’s infrastructure in order to be able to continue to grow; risks associated with God Technology, Inc. controlling Google’s business and affairs; and other risks described in filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission. All documents are available through the SEC’s Electronic Data Gathering Analysis and Retrieval system (EDGAR) at www.sec.gov or from Google’s website at www.Google.com. Google makes no commitment to revise or update any forward-looking statements except as otherwise required by law.
Google, the Google word mark, Adwords, Adsense, WeVacuumUpYourAdSpend, are trademarks of Google Systems Inc. Other names may be trademarks of their respective owners.
About Microsoft Systems
Microsoft Systems (NASDAQ: MSFT) is the worldwide leader in software and services that help businesses individuals overrun the world and slavedrive optimize their workforce performance. The company’s XBox solution features quality video gaming, nurturing a more violent society and provides virtual bread and wine to drug the masses. Primarily deployed in individual homes and businesses – as well as the remote, branch and back offices of global organizations – the personal computer solution captures, analyzes and enables users to share and act on cross-functional information across the enterprise. With Windows, organizations can improve interactions and the underlying back-office harassment and gossip rampant in the office environs. For more information, visit us at www.Microsoft.com.
Microsoft Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-looking Statements:
Information in this release that involves expectations, plans, intentions or strategies regarding the future are forward-looking statements that are not facts and involve a number of risks and uncertainties. They are identified by words such as “will,” “anticipates,” “expects,” “hopes”, “prays to Allah”, “intends,” “plans,” “believes,” “estimates,” “rub my lucky rabbits foot”, “Consult the I Ching”, “Astrological”, “targeted” and similar expressions and statements about present trends and conditions that may extend into the future. These statements are based upon information available to Microsoft Systems as of the date of this release, and the company assumes no obligation to update any such forward-looking statement. Forward-looking statements believed true when made may ultimately prove to be incorrect. These statements are not guarantees of future performance and are subject to risks, uncertainties and other factors, some of which are beyond our control and may cause actual results to differ materially from our current expectations. Blah blah blah blahdedeblah blah Darth Cheney blah blah blah, McCain is a clone, blah blahdiddy blah blah web surfers smoke crack. Blah blah blah blah chocolate-covered rufies, blah blah blah blah steve jobs naked. Blahdiddy blah blah blah democrats are robots blah blah blah Alterebo blah blah.Some of the factors that could cause actual future results to differ materially from current expectations include the timing the need to obtain regulatory and stockholder approvals and satisfy other conditions required for the proposed merger; the company’s ability to compete successfully in the future; fluctuations and changes in customer demand and preferences; the timing of orders; the company’s ability to manage its growth; the risk of new product introductions and customer acceptance of new products; the rapid technological change which characterizes the company’s markets; the risks associated with international sales as the company expands its markets, including the risks associated with foreign currency exchange rates; the ability of the company to complete and integrate successfully any acquisitions or investments it may make; strategy and execution risks relating to acquisitions and investments; as well as other risks identified in the company’s Form 10-K/A for the year ended December 31, 2005, its Form 10-Q/A for the quarter ended March 31, 2006, and its Forms 10-Q for the quarters ended June 30, 2006 and September 30, 2006 as filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Microsoft, SuckAss, Anytime, anywhere, any device, whether you want to or not and the Microsoft logo are the trademarks (registered or otherwise) of Microsoft Systems, Inc. protected by laws of the U.S. and other countries. All other trademarks mentioned in this document are the property of their respective owners.
Important Merger Information
In connection with the proposed merger, Microsoft Systems plans to file with the SEC and mail to its stockholders a Proxy Statement. The Proxy Statement will contain important information about Microsoft Systems, Google, the merger and related matters. Investors and security holders are urged to read the Proxy Statement carefully when it is available.
Investors and security holders will be able to obtain free copies of the Proxy Statement and other documents filed with the SEC by Microsoft Systems through the web site maintained by the SEC at www.sec.gov. Free copies of the Proxy Statement, when available, may also be obtained from Microsoft Systems and free copies of Microsoft Systems’ filings with the SEC may also be obtained from Microsoft Systems. Free copies of Microsoft Systems filings may be obtained by directing a request to Investor Relations via the web at www.Microsoft.com (Investors – Information Requests) or by sending a written request to Investor Relations, Microsoft Systems, Inc., 1000 Wheat Ridge Parkway, Roswell, GA 30076. In addition, investors and security holders may access copies of the documents filed with the SEC by Microsoft Systems on its website at www.Microsoft.com, and investors and security holders may access copies of the documents filed with the SEC on its website, when they become available.
Microsoft Systems and its directors and executive officers may be deemed to be participants in the solicitation of proxies from Microsoft Systems stockholders with respect to the transactions contemplated by the merger agreement. Information regarding the directors and executive officers of Microsoft Systems is contained in the company’s Annual Report on Form 10-K/A for the year ended December 31, 2006, which was filed with the SEC on February 8, 2007, and its proxy statement for its 2007 Annual Meeting of Stockholders, which was filed with the SEC on or about April 13, 2007. As set forth in that April 13, 2006 proxy statement, as of March 31, 2006, the individuals who were then directors and executive officers of Microsoft Systems beneficially owned (as calculated in accordance with SEC Rule 13d-3) approximately 1,717,089,058 shares, or approximately 5.2%, of Microsoft Systems’ common stock. You can obtain free copies of these documents from Microsoft Systems using the contact information set forth above. Additional information regarding interests of such participants will be included in the Proxy Statement that will be filed with the SEC in connection with the merger agreement and will be available for one billion dollars, your firstborn, and 2 pints of blood free of charge as indicated above.
###
Idea by Dave, thanks Dave!
In order to capture a niche market of web surfers, a new social networking platform has been announced. Sh*#tfaced is an open-source, social networking platform targeted at SUI’s (Surfers Under the Influence) - a growing demographic of online searchers.
With an easy interface, (so easy a drunk could use it, heh), users are able to design their social networking site into a dizzying array of animated backgrounds, simultaneously running videos and clashing music audio, much like how MySpace is like now.
You are able to send drinks to unsuspecting TOA’s (Targets of Affection) and (totally hetero) man-crushes.
The current demographic is mostly males in their early twenties that are either in a frat house or would like to get into one. Very few women are part of the Sh*#tfaced network, which tends to lead to virtual beer-can-crushed-against-the-forehead competitions, armwrestling, and endless virtual drinking games. Most comments displayed have a version of “This place is a sausagefest. Let bounce, brah.”
The photos displayed are typically lots of crowd shots in darkened interiors with harsh flash lighting on grinning people looking like they are really trying hard to manufacture some good ol’ alcoholic fun. Hey, it ain’t fun unless there’s at least one drunken brawl, don’tcha know.
Add photos, design an avatar for the 3D “Passout Party” room, and virtually drink the night away!
“It’s like a modern day vomitorium, totally Roman, bro. Or Latin or something. Whatever. Anyway’s it tits man, yeah tits,” comments one inebriated participant.
Test the limits of virtual alcohol poisoning with Sh*#tfaced!
Next stop: AlAnonster.
