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Tap-o-wicki: Playahs taking it online

August 27, 2008 By: zenboy Category: wiki

Tap-o-wicki has just been launched, creating a new “wiki-space” for young men to expound upon their love of “tapping this” (as in, “Yeah, I’d tap that!”). Tap-o-wicki’s business model is based exclusively on user generated content, mainly in the form of uploaded hot women’s photos and young men talking smack and bragging about their exploits with these women.

Subsequently, advertisers will then market exclusively to these sad gentlemen via Google adwords and other online incentives (i.e. “Looking for a hot girl to date? Click here…”).

Angelina Jolie

Major celebrity profiles have already been updated. Some comments from the Angelina Jolie profile include:

Grimreaper: Yeah, I tapped that. Last Wednesday. Brad was out of town. (need reference)

PencilNeck: Yo my homies, I totally tapped Angelina. Um, yo.(need reference)

Marissa Miller
Under “Marisa Miller”:

Cromagnum: Yeah, I tapd Marissa, ike 10 TIMEz. It wuz gr8!(need reference)

HiRoller: Whoa, I tapped her like 80 times, yo! (need reference)

Sarah Connor

Other more obscure postings include:

Terminator: I went back in time and tapped Sara Connor’s mother!(need reference)

and

Terminator: I went back in time…and fathered myself!(need reference)

The site is still in Beta, and has about a 5 second bounce rate. This is, in part, attributable to the numerous “tapped that” comments added with no references given. The robot site editors have been overclocked, attempting to prove the veracity of the aforementioned “tapping.”

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Google releases Gaascii - ASCII-based internet search

August 26, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Internet

gaasci - in ascii

Late last night, Google silently released a new version of internet search based on the old school ASCII formatting -

something they are tentatively calling “Gaascii.” This new method of internet search will allow users to search all

websites and have the results returned to them in simple, ASCII-based results.

Google CEO Eric E. Schmidt couldn’t contain his glee at the press release, just shortly after 9pm PST yesterday:

“Finally, I could pull out my old dot-matrix printer, and put it back to use. I don’t know about you, but I was getting

tired of having to program in ASP, .NET and even HTML - ASCII is much cleaner.”

eric scmidt ascii

Google CEO Eric E. Schmidt

“With Gaascii, everything on the internet will be converted to ASCII formatting - pictures, movies, javascript -

everything,” Schmidt added.

With this announcement, simultaneously Schmidt also announced the conversion of other Google properties to this “new/old”

way of rendering the internet:

* YouTube will now become ASCII-tube

* Google Earth will become Gaasci-earth

* Google Maps will simply become Maasci

In response to this announcement, millions of internet users (mostly those that frequent porn sites) responded

with horror. “What, do I have to start looking at ASCII photos of naked women again? I mean, what is this - 1982?” said one.

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New Internet Photo Hoax arises - “Man on top of mountain with mountain goats”

August 25, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Internet

The latest Internet Photo Hoax has suddenly surfaced this morning, and is already causing a viral movement throughout Flickr, YouTube, SmugMug and other online media-sharing devices.

Crudely titled “Man on top of mountain with mountain goats,” this photo clearly illustrates the danger of letting amateurs use Photoshop:

Man on Quandary summit with mountain goat

This photo of a “seemingly normal” Colorado resident summiting a “14er” (a mountain that is over 14,000 feet) is eerily similar to the much-circulated - and decidedly fake -  “Tourist on top of World trade Center as jetliner is about to crash” photo:

tourist on top of world trade center

Photoshopping Photos is unethical

The caption featured under the Coloradan’s photo reads: “So out of or group of five, I was the only person to make it to the top of Quandary, a “14er” near Breckenridge.”

Other people in his hiking party have already disagreed online, through various blogs and wikis.

For example, another anonymous poster (suspected of being his brother, Rod) wrote: “There’s no way he made it. All of us turned back, either because of illness, injuries and the impending storm. He says the storm headed south and missed the summit. I don’t believe it.”

Another blogger, JoMaz (John Martinez) also disagreed with the veracity of the photo: “C’mon, he has a mountain goat just behind him. Mountain goats are shy creatures that are not known to get that close to humans. Are you trying to tell me he got within five feet of one. Nonsense.”

The hiker in the photo, Wang Zen, posted this response on Valleywag, and other citizen journalism sites: “Look, I’m one of 50 people summiting that day. There were goats at the top, and that made it that much more magical. All their comments are sour grapes because they wimped out. I mean, it’s not like I had a shark jumping out of the water at me, or that fake guy on top of the world trade center with the jetliner about to hit the building. I mean, why PhotoShop a goat just behind me? That would be ridiculous!

Shark attacking Navy SEAL

Investigators are looking into evidence of doctoring, such as the use of the “cloning” tool and the “blend” tool. Investigator John Jingleheimersmidt, who investigated the fake Reuters photographs by Adnan Hajj remarked, “I don’t know, looks real to me.”

Meanwhile, the purported people behind the Bigfoot scandal and the Montauk Monster hullaballo have allegedly contacted WangZen to discuss an upcoming project.

bigfoot is real...it\'s not a possummontauk monster - is it real?

UPDATE - 11:46am MST:

Breaking news from the AP indicates that Wangzen is a noted photo-manipulator. Investigators have seized his computer, and confiscated the following photo as proof of his shenanigans:

wangzenphoto - a scandal

“It’s clearly a hoax. You’ll note the arrow signs on either side of his head that almost mock viewers of these photos, like he’s stating we have nothing between our ears,” says Detective Phil Collins (no relation) of Denver. “Moreover, the purported magazine - “Rocky Mountain Cyclist” - doesn’t even exist!”

Det. Collins added: “And that unzipped shirt is terribly offensive. This Wangzen guy is clearly a menace to society and should be promtply arrested!”

At the time of this writing, Wangzen is still at large, thought to have fled the state heading eastward. Who knows what future Photoshopping he will do.

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Is It Real #7: Estilook - social networking to judge people’s fashion sense

August 24, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Is It Real

Is It Real? - a test of your Web 2.0 savvy

Today, in our regular “Is It Real?” posting, we’ll present to you a Web 2.0 company/service, and then we’ll ask you - the readers - to vote if it is real or not. But first, let’s ask an important question that might be plaguing readers of our site - why should you vote?

The answer is simple - Web 2.0 is great because it provides openess and true democratization to the web. However, because of this, it’s also very scary! Some things on Web 2.0 just shouldn’t exist. And you, as a savvy Web 2.0 consumer, must be sure where to spend your precious time on the web. Because, Google is watching you and ready to serve up ads based on the kind of sites you frequent! Big Brother is Watching!!!

So, with that, let’s get into this week’s Is It Real? -

Estilook - a social networking site designed to allow community members to have “fun” while judging other people’s design and fashion!! This Portugal-based Web 2.0 company allows you to:

  • Share your style by uploading your pictures and looks
  • Have fun knowing and voting in outfits of people from different companies
  • Keep track of trends  and news to aggregate even more style while dressing up

Here is a rough (online) translation of their company mission (translated from Portuguese):

Estilook is an innovative social community directed toward people who have proper style. Our mission is to provide a democratic space where people of some countries, cultures can show and share its styles, interacting with other users of similar interests.
Professionals and not lovers of fashion are welcome to the site. Estilook Is a place where common people can learn to dress in accordance with proper style, can make uploads of these looks, to think on different appearances, to be aware of trends, events in the area and much more.

Simply put - this is Web 2.0 fashion police community! What more could one ask for?

So, readers, I ask of you: Is Estilook Real? Take a second to vote below:

Is Estilook as real web 2.0 social networking community that allows users to judge each others fashion?

View Results

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Friday Fishwrap (8-22-08): Stephen Colbert offends Cantons throughout the US

August 22, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Friday Fishwrap

yooRyoo\'s Friday Fishwrap!

Happy Friday!! It’s that time of the week where we learn whether our last Sunday’s “Is It Real?” is actually a real company, and watch a few funny videos in yooRyoo’s weekly wrap-up called The Friday Fishwrap!

Last Sunday, we featured one of our most highly-contested “Is It Real?” companies to date - a social networking site centered around David Hasselhoff - Hoffspace. A brief description was provided (by the Hoff himself):

“While two people from two entirely different countries and backgrounds may seem to have nothing in common, the only thing they might have in common is me… So I decided to start a network where people from across the world might come together and get a conversation started over me.”

It was hard to tell if it was real or not, and all week long, the voting went back and forth from yes to no. During that week, Hoffspace was declared a violation of international internet domain, and then Chuck Norris rose to defend it. What a week - and here are the final vote results are:

  • 46% of you voted yes (and must be big fans of David Hasselhoff)
  • 38% of you voted no (and swore to poke their eyes out if it were true)
  • 16% of you voted maybe (and seemed to be confused by the whole matter

The real answer: Hoffspace is indeed true (yep, get those sharp sticks ready, those of you who voted no). You can find out more at David Hasselhoff’s own website: www.davidhasselhoff.com. In fact, we should all go out and create your very own Hoffspace profile, and upload videos of how much we love (or hate - in a blinding, hating way) this idea?!?

Tune in this upcoming Sunday for a new edition of “Is It Real?” and until then, enjoy these great videos of Stephen Colbert insulting various towns named Canton in the US:

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Hoffspace violates international internet space. Russia responds.

August 20, 2008 By: zenboy Category: Celebritech

The new social networking site “Hoffspace” centered around David Hasselhoff, (of Knightrider, Baywatch and drunken burger gobbling fame) has launched itself into the international internet space. Russia has declared that the Hoffs Uber-American influence on impressionable Russian youth is tantamount to a declaration of war, and will not abide the West’s encroachment into what it considers its territory.

Russia has invaded Savannah, GA, reportedly in search of the elusive actor, drawing protests and questions from Georgia locals asking on Yahoo Answers such as user Jessica B., who asked “i herd on the news that rusia has invaded but i dont see them no where wats going on.”

Shar pei puppies...and oh yeah, David Hasselhoff

In a surprise move, Chuck Norris has taken up the cause of the Hoffster. This is after inflicting such serious pain on David Hasselhoff that no one cared about him anymore (until the Hoffspace and Russia invasion, that is).

What I break stays broke,” Chuck Norris responded after hearing about the rise of Hoffspace, “but this is America versus Russia, and I always side with the West.”

Chuck Norris is the baddest of bad asses, his exploit chronicled in the Urban Dictionary:

  • “Alien vs Predator” is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris’ first sexual experience.
  • While Chuck Norris was on holiday in Spain, he ate some bad paella causing him to take the largest shit known to man. That shit is now France.
  • Chuck Norris once ate an entire watermelon, including the seeds, then grew an entire watermelon patch in his stomach which fed eleven families for six weeks.
  • In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck killed that man.
  • Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimensions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ass.

Russia is in for some big trouble, especially after running over a LOLcat and turning it into LOLRoadkill. If anyone can kick Russian ass, it’s Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 100% Texan

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Celebritech News: Chuck Norris releases “Virile Marketing” - other marketing types put on notice

August 19, 2008 By: cboyer Category: Celebritech

There is no \'ctrl\' button on Chuck Norris\'s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.Chuck Norris, in a surprise Web 2.0 venture, announced today a release of a new type of marketing destined to kick all other marketing forms’ collective asses - Virile Marketing.

When reached for comment, Chuck stated, “Look, I know all about all those other types of marketing - ‘traditional,’ ‘guerrilla,’ ‘online,’ ‘viral’…they’re all pansies and ineffective. Virile Marketing is so powerful, that it not only is 100% effective, it’s the Baby-Daddy of all marketing. I mean, it has impregnated all other forms of marketing and denied that it’s the father…and it doesn’t really care.”

Chuck Norris released the top reasons why Virile Marketing is better than all other forms:

10. Virile Marketing doesn’t have a “call to action” - it just waves its fists menacingly.

9. Virile Marketing is so powerful that instead of runnning ads, ads run from it.

8. Virile Marketing doesn’t have to build a marketing plan - it just kicks things in the face.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7. There’s no such thing as “integrated marketing” - Virile Marketing doesn’t mix with anything.

6. You can’t “Search Engine Optimize” Virile Marketing, since Virile Marketing tells Google what should be number 1.

5. It take Virile Marketing 20 days to build a 90 day marketing plan.

4. Michael Phelps once tried to swim faster than Virile Marketing, but Virile Marketing beat him by 1/1000 of a second. And then roundhouse-kicked him for good measure.

 Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

3. When Virile Marketing heard about Hoffspace, it almost didn’t kick it’s ass it was laughing so hard…but then inflicted such serious pain on David Hasselhoff that no one in the world cared about “the Hoff” anymore.

2.Virile Marketing built a better mousetrap, but the world was too afraid to beat a path to its door.

1. There is only one thing more effective than Virile Marketing - Chuck Norris. But it would be a close fight.

When reached for comment, other forms of marketing refused to the answer their phone, for fear of retribution.

Guns don\'t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

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